Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie

Jagged Little Pill
Under Rug Swept
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Thank You
Are You Still Mad
That I Would Be Good
Unsent
So Pure
Joining You

Thank U

how 'bout getting off of these antibiotics
how 'bout stopping eating when I'm full up
how 'bout them transparent dangling carrots
how 'bout that ever elusive kudo

thank you India
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

how 'bout me not blaming you for everything
how 'bout me enjoying the moment for once
how 'bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
how 'bout grieving it all one at a time

thank you India
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

the moment I let go of it was
the moment I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it was
the moment I touched down

how 'bout no longer being masochistic
how 'bout remembering your divinity
how 'bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how 'bout not equating death with stopping

thank you India
thank you Providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence

Are You Still Mad are you still mad i kicked you out of bed?
are you still mad i gave you ultimatums?
are you still mad i compared you to all
my forty year old male friends?
are you still mad i shared our problems
with everybody?

are you still mad i had a an emotional affair?
are you still mad i tried to mold you into
who i wanted you to be?
are you still mad I didn't trust your intentions?
of course you are
of course you are

are you still mad that i flirted wildly?
are you still mad I had a tendency to mother you?
are you still mad that i had one foot out the door?
are you still mad that we slept together even after
we had ended it?
of course you are
of course you are

are you still mad i wore the pants most of the time?
are you still mad that i seemed to focus
only on your potential?
are you still mad that i threw in the towel?
are you still mad that i gave up long before you did?
of course you are
of course you are

That I Would Be Good

that I would be good even if i did nothing
that I would be good even if i got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that i would be fine even even if I went bankrupt
that i would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that i would be great if I was no longer queen
that i would be grand if i was not all knowing

that i would be loved even when i numb myself
that i would be good even when i am overwhelmed
that i would be loved even when i was fuming
that i would be good even if i was clingy

that i would be good even if i lost sanity
that i would be good
whether with or without you

Unsent

dear matthew
I like you a lot I realize you're in a relationship with someone right now and I respect that I would like you to know that if you're ever single in the future and you want to come visit me in california I would be open to spending time with you and finding out how old you were when you wrote your first song

dear jonathan
I liked you too much I used to be attracted to boys who would lie to me and think solely about themselves and you were plenty self-destructive for my taste at the time I used to say the more tragic the better the truth is whenever I think of the early 90's your face comes up with a vengeance like it was yesterday

dear terrance
I love you muchly you've been nothing but open hearted and emotionally available and supportive and nurturing and consummately there for me I kept drawing you in and pushing you away I remember how beautiful it was to fall asleep on your couch and cry in front of you for the first time you were the best platform from which to jump beyond myself what was wrong with me

dear marcus
you rocked my world you had a charismatic way about you with the women and you got me seriously thinking about spirituality and you wouldn't let me get away with kicking my own ass but I could never really feel relaxed and looked out for around you though and it's kinda too bad because we could've had much more fun

dear lou
we learned so much I realize we won't be able to talk for some time and I understand that as I do you the long distance thing was the hardest and we did as well as we could we were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives I will always have your back and be curious about you and your career your whereabouts

So Pure

you from new york you are so relevant
you reduce me to cosmic tears
luminous more so than most anyone
unapologetically alive knot in my stomach
and lump in my throat
I love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance
so pure such an expression
supposed former infatuation junkie
I sink three pointers and you wax poetically
I love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance
so pure such an expression
let's grease the wheel over tea
let's discuss things in confidence
let's be outspoken let's be ridiculous
let's solve the world's problems
I love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance
so pure such an expression

Joining You

dear dar(lin') your mom (my friend) left a message on my machine she was frantic
saying you were talking crazy that you wanted to do away with yourself
I guess she thought i'd be a perfect resort because
we've had this inexplicable connection since our youth and
yes they're in shock they are panicked you and your chronic them and their drama
you this embarrassment us in the middle of this delusion
if we were our bodies
if we were our futures
if we were our defenses i'd be joining you
if we were our culture
if we were our leaders
if we were our denials i'd be joining you
I remember vividly a day years ago we were camping you
knew more than you thought you should know
you said "I don't want ever to be brainwashed" and you
were mindboggling you were intense
you were uncomfortable in your own skin you were
thirsty but mostly you were beautiful
if we were our nametags
if we were our rejections
if we were our outcomes i'd be joining you
if we were our indignities
if we were our successes
if we were our emotions i'd be joining you
you and i we're like four year olds we want to know
why and how come about everything
we want to reveal ourselves at will and speak out
minds and never talk small and be intuitive
and question mightily and find god my tortured beacon
we need to find like-minded companions
if we were their condemnations
if we were their projections
if we were our paranoias i'd be joining you
if we were our incomes
if we were our obsessions
if we were our afflictions i'd be joining you
we need reflection we need a really good memory feel
free to call me a little more often go back to the top