I Love Them Barenaked Ladies..

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Thank you God for the Barenaked Ladies. I have a thing for Canadians, eh? They are a nice and welcome hiatus from today's look-at-me-I'm-sexy-and-edgy-and-too-good-for-this-picture rock stars. Yeah, though, I'll admit, they are more of a "were" than an "are", but who cares? They have plenty of fun-filled albums, and just because they aren't played on the radio every five minutes doesn't mean we can't listen to them.

I just have pretty much their most popular songs on this page (except for Tiny Little Song, which I put here because it's cute)
I also added a live version that I have of "If I Had $1,000,000". This was fun to do, especially since I couldn't find the transcript anywhere. I just had to listen to it over and over again, and try to understand everything they were saying (they do a lot of random extra talking). I probably got a few things wrong, and I completely missed a few things, but whatever. I also tried to distinguish who was saying what...I know Ed was the first guy talking, but the others...who knows. I just tried to make sure you knew when it was some one else saying something and so on. See how much I love you?

If I Had $1000000
If I Had $1000000 (live)
Little Tiny Song
One Week
Pinch Me

If I Had $1000000 (official)

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice Reliant automobile)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love.

If I Had $1000000
I'd build a tree fort in our yard.
If I Had $1000000
You could help, it wouldn't be that hard.
If I Had $1000000
Maybe we could put a refrigerator in there.
(Wouldn't that be fabulous)

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a llama or an emu)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them crazy elephant bones)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love

If I Had $1000000
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I Had $1000000
We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I Had $1000000
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner.
(But we would eat Kraft Dinner. Of course we would, we'd just eat more.
And buy really expensive ketchup with it.
That's right, all the fanciest Dijon Ketchup. Mmmmmm.)

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love

If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000
If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000
I'd be rich.

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If I Had $1000000 (live version)

Ed: Ladies and gentlemen, a Cosby Award nominated guitar lick: *plays lick*
Other Guy: Woo!
Ed: Thank you very much
Guy: Wow
Ed: Thank you, thank you, want to hear that again?
Guy: Sure
Ed: And the nominees are! *plays lick* Ed Robertson for hot guitar lick number one! Wanna hear another good lick?
Guy: Yeah.
Ed: Okay, you gotta be with me on this one guys, this is my favorite lick...*plays lick* Joey pulled himself to his knees! Pulled his body back up the bank! And looked back down there!... That was in Melville, *something indistinguishable*.
Guy: Album of the year of course...I got a lick.
Ed: You got one?
Guy: I got a lick...it's a..it's a preview from our, from our upcoming, debut album.
Ed: Okay.
Guy: *plays lick* (singing) You're a strange animal, that's what I know, you're a strange animal, I got to *something*.

If I Had $1000000
(If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a house
(I would buy you a house)
If I Had $1000000
(If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
If I Had $1000000
(If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a K-Car
(a nice Reliant automobile)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love.

If I Had $1000000
I'd build a tree fort in our yard.
If I Had $1000000
1. Gawin could help, it wouldn't be that hard.
2. Not for him.
If I Had $1000000
1. Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere
2. We could just go up there and hang out
1. I'll have, I'll I'll seperate I'll seperate all the foods, Kraft caramels for Ed, softie toffies for myself, and a big bone for Gawin...I'm sorry, but I, I hope, I hope Gawin's not offended if he ever finds out about this... I love him, I saw him at the forum once, he did this *plays cool guitar lick* I love that part.

If I Had $1000000
(If I Had $1000000)
Well I'd buy you a fur coat
(but not a real fur coat that's cruel)
If I Had $1000000
(If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you an exotic pet
(Yup, like a llama or an emu)
If I Had $1000000
(If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you John Merrick's remains
(Ooh all them crazy elephant bones)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love

If I Had $1000000
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I Had $1000000
We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I Had $1000000
1. Maybe we, we, we wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner.
2. But we would eat Kraft Dinner.
1. We...we wouldn't have to eat Kraft... We wouldn't have to eat Kraft dinner...sorry, I kinda blanked out there for a second...We wouldn't have to eat Kraft dinner!! *breaks down and starts crying*

2 (I think Ed). Folks, I really enjoyed the Dream Warriors set, I was out in the audience dancing for those guys, I want you to do something for us, just similar to what you did for them. They're promoting their neighborhood, which is great. We want to do the same for ours. We're the messengers of our land to the east of here. Now when I say something, I want you to repeat the latter half. I'm gonna say "Scar", and you guys say "borough" K ready? Here we go...
Ed: "Scar!"
Audience: (one random guy: borough!)bor..bor..ough...ough!
Ed: We'll try this, sort of in time, because...uh let me hear ya say Scar!
Audience: borough!
Ed: Scar!
Audience: borough!
Ed: Scar!
Audience: borough!
Random guy 2 seconds later: borough!
Ed: Yeah! Right on! Guit messengers unite! (it took me so long to figure that one out)...Guits! All of us!

If I Had $1000000
(If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a green dress
(but not a real green dress, that's cruel)
If I Had $1000000
(If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you some art
(a Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I Had $1000000
(Art Garfunkle? ...hehe...art garfun- If I Had $1000000 thank you!)
I'd buy you a monkey
(haven't you always wanted a monkey?)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love

If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000
If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000
I'd be rich.

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Little Tiny Song

Hey I'm a cow, I'm curious
Hey watch me now, I'm furious
Hey I'm a cow, I'm full of hate
Hey watch me now, I'm on your plate

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One Week

It's been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side and said "I'm angry"
Five days since you laughed at me saying
"Get that together come back and see me"
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
but it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry

Hold it now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you stop, think
You'll think you're looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet Swiss
I like the sushi
'cause it's never touched a frying pan
Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes
Big like LeAnn Rimes
Because I'm all about value
Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits
You try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust through
Gonna make a break and take a fake
I'd like a stinkin achin shake
I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours
Gotta see the show, cause then you'll know
The vertigo is gonna grow
Cause it's so dangerous,
you'll have to sign a waiver

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at me
Threw your arms in the air
and said "You're crazy"
Five days since you tackled me
I've still got the rug burns on both my knees
It's been three days since the afternoon
You realized it's not my fault
not a moment too soon
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
And now I sit back and wait til you say you're sorry

Chickity China the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
Watchin' X-Files with no lights on
We're dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
Like Harrison Ford I'm getting frantic
Like Sting I'm tantric
Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy

Like Kurasawa I make mad films
Okay, I don't make films
But if I did they'd have a Samurai
Gonna get a set a' better clubs
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren't always flying off the back-swing
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
'Cause the cartoon has got the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to your sides
and said "I'm sorry"
Five days since I laughed at you and said
"You just did just what I thought you were gonna do"
Three days since the living room
We realized we're both to blame,
but what could we do?
Yesterday you just smiled at me
Cause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry

It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry
It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry
Birchmount Stadium, home of the Robbie

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Pinch Me

It's the perfect time of year
Somewhere far away from here
I feel fine enough, I guess
Considering everything's a mess.
There's a restaurant down the street
Where hungry people like to eat
I could walk, but I'll just drive
It's colder than it looks outside.

It's like a dream - you try to remember but it's gone..,

[S] Hi folks this is Steven Page.
[T] This is Tyler Stewart.
[S] We're two members of Barenaked Ladies, and although you *thought* you were downloading our new single, what you're actually downloading is an advertisement for our new album 'Maroon', comes out September 12th, and after that point I'm sure you can download lots of stuff from our record but until then you're just going to get lots of stuff with us bugging you.
[T] We fooled you, huh? We're sneaky like that...you can never trust a Canadian.
Next thing you know, we'll be supplying your natural resources!

...then ya
Try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn, when ya
Try to see the world beyond your front door.
Take your time cos the way I rhyme's gonna make you smile, when ya
Realise that with a guy my size it might take a while, just to
Try to figure out what all this is for.

It's the perfect time of day
To throw all your cares away
Put the sprinkler on the lawn
And run through with my gym shorts on.
Take a drink right from the hose
And change into some drier clothes
Climb the stairs up to my room
Sleep away the afternoon.

It's like a dream - you try to remember but it's gone, then ya
Try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn, when ya
Try to see the world beyond your front door.

[T] Hello? Hi? H-? Hello? If you just- Would you- Could-
Could you please leave a m- Ah. If you'd just let me leave a -
At the sound of the - Uh. Ah. Thanks.

Take your time cos the way I rhyme's gonna make you smile, when ya
Realise that with a guy my size it might take a while, just to
Try to figure out what all this is for.
Pinch Me
Pinch Me
Cos I'm still asleep.
Please God
Tell Me
That I'm still asleep

On an evening such as this
It's hard to tell if I exist
If I Packed a car and leave this town
Who'll notice that I'm not around?
I could hide out under there
I just made you say 'underwear'
I could leave but I'll just stay
All my stuff's here anyway.
It's like a dream - you try to remember but it's gone, then ya
Try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn, when ya
Try to see the world beyond your front door.

[S] If you're listening? We're trying to get our song on Napster,
but we don't know how to do it....errr....we're Barenaked Ladies
and we're trying to....Ty? Can you just press that over there?

Take your time cos the way I rhyme's gonna make you smile, when ya
Realise that with a guy my size it might take a while, just to
Try to figure out what all this is for.
Try to figure out what all this is for.
Try to see the world beyond your front door.
Try to figure out what all this is for.