Rating: NO STARS (out of 
)
After reflecting, I have decided to announce that House of 1,000 Corpses is the worst movie I have ever seen. To give myself a loop hole from this bold statement, I will say that it is possible that I have seen worse, yet blocked the images from the farthest recesses of my brain. Simply discussing House of 1,000 Corpses however, it has managed to go beyond simply bad, it is actually offensive. I have disturbed by not only the images and messages that this movie contained, but mortified that Lion’s Gate Films and my local AMC Movie Theatre would dare to make/show such a heinous film that has literally flipped my stomach.
When I went to see House of 1,000 Corpses, I was under the impression that this movie was intended to be a throw-back to the campy horror films of the 1970’s. Well, 1,000 Corpses does take place in the 1970’s, but that is were the similarities end. I am sure that nothing of this sort could have been released during the Nixon years. Only in our de-sensitized era could something so sickening be released. Mind that its sickening, but not scary. Weren’t those horror film’s from the 70’s scary? Or at least made to be scary? 1,000 Corpses isn’t scary at all, and the only time we may grimace or cower is from the vats of blood covering every inch of every frame of celluloid that we as the audience is presented with.
The plot, like it matters, is pretty stupid. Four kids, are driving across the country. While in the boonies somewhere, there thirst for the legend of “Dr. Satan” leads them to a family that is beyond weird. Of course, this family abducts them, and begins to torture them. Yep...that’s pretty much it. Not only is the plot stupid, but in the last 10 minutes, the movie manages to make absolutely no sense, and begins to trade the only shred of coherence it had for terrifying gore that makes no sense. Shame of you Rob Zombie, you truly are a sick fuck.
Movies have the innate ability to stay with us for a long time. The good and the bad. I still remember a large portion of such magical films from this year as The Pianist, Far From Heaven, Chicago, and About Schmidt just to name a few. House of 1,000 Corpses I fear will also be staying with me for a long time. Disgusting the farthest regions of my head with terrible images that serve to gross us out, and don’t even intend to scare us. I saw this movie with two friends, and one was so upset after seeing the film, he was literally angry. I must agree with him on this very appropriate emotion.
This is usually were I would discuss the acting of the film. But what’s the point? The characters make the worst (not to mention cliched and so frequently mocked) decisions in the face of death, pain, and torture. However, that is more of flaw of the script. The acting is...oh why bother? They all sucked. The all screamed. They all have just ruined their careers by appearing in this filth.
My reviews are meant to only guide the reader to the best movies, and the films’ that are most worth their money. However, in the case of House of 1,000 Corpses, I must give a warning. Anyone who sees this movie will hate everyone involved with making it, and will hate themselves for thinking that this movie might be interesting. There is such a thing as “so bad, its funny,” but House of 1,000 Corpses isn’t even that. Its so bad...its bad! Ladies and gentlemen, my first 0 star film: House of 1,000 Corpses!
© 2003 Jacob Sproul
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