Rating: 
(out of 
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Grade: D-
Every once and a while, a film title comes along that’s absolutely perfect for mockery. Naturally, all possible insults have already been expelled, and it would be hypocritical of me to use some now cliched plays on the title to criticize the movie’s cliches. But what the hell, 2 Fast 2 Furious is 2 stupid, 2 repetitive, 2 boring and 2 mind numbing. Overall, its just 2 bad for words.
This may surprise some, but my first viewing of the original Fast and the Furious was only a few days ago, and for research for this sequel. The original movie is quite possibly the Millennial Generation’s “Breakfast Club.” As I was expecting, I was far from impressed with The Fast and the Furious although it was watchable and even at times decent. Compared to its follow up movie though, The Fast and the Furious is Schindler’s List! Paul Walker is the only returning character in 2 Fast 2 Furious, and his co-stars from the first movie like Vin Diesel and Michelle Rodriguez are sorely missed, and create a void that replacement Tyrese just can’t fill. Paul Walker is once again Brian O’Connor, but he has quit the police force to which be belonged in the first film to follow his passion for racing, this time in sunny Miami. Soon after though, he is captured by the police in a racing sting. They give him a choice though: go undercover and transport “dirty” money for drug lord Carter Verone in an effort to attach Verone to the money, and have his record wiped clean, or go to jail. Brian chooses to help the police, but only if he can pick a partner. He chooses ex-con pal Roman Pearce, and together they go undercover with another agent, Miami Customs officer Monica Clemente.
Its 2...er..too, bad we can’t ban the writers of this movie from writing anything ever again. Not only is the dialogue heinous, but the story is thinner than Kate Moss after an eating binge! They couldn’t even write the action decently. I think one of the nice things about The Fast and the Furious was that a lot of the action had no real purpose. The story was O’Connor’s attempt to infiltrate the LA drag racing circuits inner-group which made all the action just a nice diversion. This time though, the story is the racing. The entire movie is essentially one big race, but with no energy. In an effort to be different, director John Singleton gives us shot and shot of racers’ hands, feet and eyes which just distracts us, and not in a good way. When there are breaks from the never ending race, we have dialogue so bad that you could play a drinking game where every time Paul Walker utters “bro” or “cuz” before or after a sentence you take a drink. I don’t advise this though, as you would die of alcohol poisoning 20 minutes into the festivities. Needless to say, Walker is about a ’fro-pick away from being totally black.
My description of the plot may make you think that the movie is easy enough to follow. You would be gravely wrong in the assumption. I spent most of the movie confused and wondering what the hell was going on, and why Roman and Brian were once again racing through traffic. It took a little research on my part to put all the pieces together after I saw the movie, as screenwriters Michael Brandt and Derek Haas do very little to be called “writers.”
Is there possibly a worse phrase in existence than “model turned actor?” Just because you have a pretty face, doesn’t mean you can act! (Nicole Kidman, take note.) Tyrese makes only his second big screen appearance in 2 Fast 2 Furious, and its an absolute disaster. He is better though than his co-star Paul Walker. The English language doesn’t have a word bad enough to express how bad Paul Walker is in 2 Stupid 2 Annoying, sorry, 2 Fast 2 Furious. Its been Vin Diesel that has been mocked for his lack of facial expressions, but believe me, Vin can run circles around Paul Walker when it comes to thespian talent.
2 Fast 2 Furious is better than Mr. Deeds, and better than House of 1,000 Corpses, but not by much. This is nothing more than an insipid sequel to a mediocre action movie. You know a movie is truly bad when you cannot find one thing that the director did right, and such is the case here. Its very hard to believe that John Singleton went from being an Academy Award-nominated director, to creating such an incoherent mess. The reason Vin Diesel cites as being the deciding factor in opting to not reprise his role in this sequel is scheduling problems. My guess is the real reason is that he took one look at this script and ran for the hills, or mostly likely, raced for the hills.
© 2003 Jacob Sproul
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