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"The 2002 AFFAs -- Certainty In An Uncertain World"
Say...that's not bad for a first attempt, is it?

Michael Jordan met Jack Nicholson at the center circle, as the referee raised the ball above their heads.

"C'mon old-timer, you gotta be jokin'! You don't really expect to be able to play, do you?"

The referee threw the Spalding ball into the air, and both "I wanna be like" Mike and "You Don't Know" Jack jumped for it. Jack swatted the ball hard onto the ground, where it rebounded high into the air. He then leaped for it, dribbled wildly and quickly into the paint, and then with three quick steps, he launched himself into the air, one arm outstretched, the other behind him, and he swung the other hand forcibly forward. The ball smashed into the basket, and the West team was up by two points. 8 seconds left on the shot clock.

 next...

(extra point added for jamming over Michael Jordan)
"How you like me now?" Jack sneered at His Airness.

"Man! This is going to be harder than I thought," Michael mused aloud. 

The rest of the tournament went by like a highlight reel from the Harlem Globetrotters...indeed, the whistled theme song, "Sweet Georgia Brown" was in the air throughout the rout which was the All-Star Game...

...Leonardo diCaprio taking the ball from Allen Iverson, dribbling down the court, and throwing up the ball for an alley-oop, which hit the backboard and was at least 5 feet away when he grabbed it and comprehensively slam-dunked it..."Wahoo! Leo alley-ooped to himself!" shouted Cheryl...
 

Now, you may think that I'm bugging out by giving all these WNBA players props, but I'm not. These girls have got game. And, heck, most of them could be models in their spare time. And some of them even are! (Don't know if Caroline Peck, coach of the Orlando Miracle, does any catwalking off-season though.)
 

...Daniel Day-Lewis's all-around-the-world head-fake to beat out three members of the East Team, and then a beautiful three-point       shot taken with one hand...

...Yao Ming bodychecking Nicolas Cage, who with one mighty push sent the Chinese gentleman flying across the floor on his butt, and into the row of photographers snapping away...

...Jack Nicholson setting up a give-and-go with two more of his teammates, before snapping the ball up into a windmill slam...


Wildlife. 
...ah, it was a sight to see the West completely trouncing the East...

...but at last, it was all over, with 3 seconds left on the shot clock, and with Daniel Day-Lewis at the other end of the court, he released the ball, and in an incredible arc, the ball swooshed into the net, just as the buzzer sounded!

"West wins! West Wins!" 

To coin a phrase, the crowd went wild.


L.A. Lakers fans. Can't see it myself.