The Dark Ages Quotes

• Giles: "Must we have this noise during your calisthenics?"
• Buffy: "It's not noise, it's music."
• Giles: "I know music. Music has notes. This is noise."
• Buffy: "I'm aerobicizing. I must have the beat!"
• Giles: "Wonderful. You work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out of my ears."

• Buffy: "I'm on a beach. Not one of those American beaches. One of those island beaches where the water's way too blue. And I'm laying on my towel, and it's just before sunset, and Gavin Rossdale's massaging my feet."
• Willow: "That's good. Uh, I'm in Florence, Italy. I've rented a scooter that's parked outside. I'm in a little restaurant eating ziti. And there are no more tables left, so they have to seat this guy with me, and it's John Cusack!"
• Buffy: "Very impressive. You have such an eye for detail."
• Willow: "'Cause...with the ziti."
• Xander: "What're you two up to?"
• Buffy: "Just having a quick game of Anywhere But Here."
• Xander: "Oh. Amy Yip at the waterslide park."
• Willow: "You never come up with anything new."
• Xander: "I'm just not fickle like you two, okay? I'm constant in my affections. Amy Yip at the waterslide park."

• Willow: "Do you think Giles ever played Anywhere But Here when he was in school?"
• Xander: "Giles lived for school. He's actually still better that there were only twelve grades."
• Buffy: "He probably sat in math class thinking, 'There should be more math. This could be mathier.'"
• Willow: "Come on, you don't think he ever got restless as a kid?"
• Buffy: "Are you kidding? His diapers were tweed."

• Buffy: "Mmm, vampire meals on wheels."

• Giles: "Uh, we'll meet outside the hospital at eight thirty, sharp. I'll bring the weaponry."
• Buffy: "I'll bring the party mix."
• Giles: "Just don't be late."
• Buffy: "Have I ever let you down?"
• Giles: "Do you want me to answer that, or should I just glare?"

• Ms. Calendar: "Morning, England."
• Giles: "Oh, hello, Ms.--um, uh--Jenny."
• Willow: "Feel the passion?"
• Xander: "Mm-hmm."
• Ms. Calendar: "Willow?"
• Willow: "Coughing, not speaking."

• Xander: "Those poor schlubs, have to attend school on Saturday."
• Ms. Calendar: "Nine AM okay with you, Xander?"
• Xander: "..."
• Buffy: "Got a bit of schlub on your shoe there."

• Xander: "Ooh, gang, did you hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia. Mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever."

• Ms. Calendar: "You know how you have to dog ear your favorite pages so you can go back to them?"
• Giles: "Eh-uh-oh-what?"
• Ms. Calendar: "Well, I mean, I practically had to fold back every single page. So finally, I just--I just started underlining all the pages I really wanted to discuss."
• Giles: "Uh-uh-underline?"
• Ms. Calendar: "But then, of course, I spill coffee all over it. I can't even read it."
• Giles: "It's a first edition."
• Ms. Calendar: "I'm lying, Rupert, the book's fine. I just love to see you squirm."
• Giles: "Oh, well, I...trust I gave good...squirm."
• Ms. Calendar: "Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a fuddy duddy?"
• Giles: "Nobody ever seems to tell me anything else."
• Ms. Calendar: "Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a sexy fuddy duddy?"
• Giles: "Well, no, actually, that part usually gets left out. I can't imagine why."

• Ms. Calendar: "Saturday night. I'll see if I can make you squirm."

• Cordelia: "Oh, great! Can you help me with a ticket? It's totally bogus. It was a one-way street. I was going one way!"

• Angel: "Maybe he's late."
• Buffy: "Giles, who counts tardiness as the eighth deadly sin?"

• Ms. Calendar: "Buffy."
• Xander: "Huh, did I fall asleep already?"
• Willow: "Aw, you miss your friends!"
• Xander: "Uh, sit here, Buffs! Demilitarize the zone between me and Cordelia."

• Buffy: "I think he might have been...I think he was drinking."
• Ms. Calendar: "He was home alone drinking?"
• Willow: "But...tea, right?"
• Buffy: "Wasn't tea, Will."
• Xander: "Yep, yep, I knew this would happen. Nobody can be wound as straight and narrow as Giles without a dark side erupting. My Uncle Roary was the stodgiest taxidermist you've ever met by day. By night, it was booze, whores, and fur flyin'. Were there whores?"
• Buffy: "He was alone."
• Xander: "Give it time."

• Buffy: "You sold me that dress for Halloween and nearly got us all killed."
• Ethan: "But you looked great."

• Giles: "I thought I told you to leave town."
• Ethan: "You did. I didn't. Shop's lease is paid 'til the end of the month."
• Cordelia: "Why did he call him 'Ripper'?"
• Giles: "Should have left when I told you."
• Cordelia: "Oh."

• Cordelia: "I've got the solution right here. 'To kill a demon...cut off its head.'"
• Xander: "Oh yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, we'll find Ms. Calendar, then we'll decapitate her. Hey, she'll be the first headless computer teacher in school, you think anybody'll notice?"
• Cordelia: "Do you know what you need, Xander, besides a year's supply of acne cream? A brain."
• Xander: "That's it! Twelve years of you and I'm snappin'! I don't care if you're a girl or not, I'm throwin' down! Come on!"
• Cordelia: "I've seen you fight, and don't think I can't take you!"
• Xander: "Give it your best shot!"
• Willow: "Hey!!! We don't have time for this, our friends are in trouble. Now we have to put our heads together and, and get them out of it. And if you two aren't with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library!"
• Cordelia: "We're sorry."
• Xander: "We'll be good."

• Angel: "I've had a demon inside me for a couple hundred years...just waiting for a good fight."
• Buffy: "Winner and still champion."

• Xander: "Uh, I think that Ethan guy disappeared again."
• Buffy: "Darn, I really wanted to hit him 'til he bled."

• Ms. Calendar: "I'm fine. I mean, I'm not running around, wind in my hair, the hills are alive with the sound of music fine, but...I'm coping."

• Buffy: "Is she okay?"
• Giles: "Um, the hills are not alive."
• Buffy: "I'm sorry to hear that...I think."