Love is not about owning something.

It is not about lying to hold onto or to keep someone.

It is not about giving and expecting anything in return.

It is about being honest caring about what is best for you and the other person concerned.

It is not about control but the choice to be involved with someone who finds you attractive enough or being attractive enough that no one else would replace you.

It is about understanding and compassion.

It is not about destruction of others especially others who can enhance and contribute to your life.

It is about wisdom and sharing.

It is not about jealousy to the point that one would lie to another about someone else to the extent they become trapped by the lies they have created because of their insecurities and problems related.

Love is about making the world a little bit better place for someone, anyone, and/or everyone.

There was a woman who lived down the street who was a cute petite little adorable nice woman whom everyone liked. She just looked like a Suzy Q doll so we all called her Suzie.

Maybe she said awful things out of fear, because she lost her father to someone else than her mother as a young child. Maybe because she saw me talk to the man she loved completely more than life itself. Possibly because her man reminded her of her father, whom she loved deeply, she said things to convince me that her man was not a good man, that he was the type of man I should fear. So she continued in her mental games, which eventually consumed her, until it became an all possessive game filled with fear and apprehension of being alone again like she was as a child without the love of her father.

It was a jealousy game he had used I guess because his ancestors used it. To catch her attention he would bring other women around or flirt with them in a way she would think the women had initiated it. So he said once again is a chance to get Suzie's attention. I will crawl on the roof and stare at the nieghbor where she can see me.

So Suzie never liked Jessy. But she made distant friends with her. All the time thinking up schemes to keep her away from her man, her husband whom Jessy never paid any attention to. Suzie's self esteem grew so low because she had been plump and Jessy was hard as a rock from hard labor all her life. So Suzie began walking constantly and starving herself slowly on a high nutrition but low calorie diet.

By the time Suzie gave birth to her first child she was infertile because her body fat was low so she had to take fertility shots.

By the time Suzie gave birth to her twins her hair had begun falling out.

All the while her man kept playing jealousy games not realizing he was destroying her mentally to the point she had almost starved herself to death.

Her mind stopped working good and she had black eyes. All her curves were gone from her body, her voice had dropped and she began looking like a man.

Jessy thought at that point in time possibly her man finds her attractive because he is latent.

So Jessy stopped to talk to her man about the play sand box and Suzie saw this.

So very shortly afterwards Suzie began insinuating that he was beating her. She would borrow the truck from her husband drive it into the garage then come running out with the children every time Jessy went to work.

One day when Suzie was playing her paranoid game Jessy thought to stop to talk to her about what was bothering her and decided not to. Just to drive on to work.

That day Suzie was hit by a trailer because she had started walking during business hours near the gas station that had diesel where commercial trucks would go get gas.

Jessy said he never seemed like that kind of person but many people are like that. I was all ready afraid of many things in my life..and we moved apart both filled with our own apprehensions and fears. Until she lost her life trying to work out what was consuming her that was not even real - just a childhood fear she had never worked out. Jessy remembered her smiling when she got up and walked away when he came out from the back yard after Suzie went to get him from the yard work...I can see now how afraid she was years ago when she saw us talking in the garage and made him miserable because she was so afraid of loosing him. But it was too late the fear of him based on her own life filled with mental and physical abuse and cruelty Suzie had figured out..and had used it to create a gap so great and a divide so great and anguish so great for her widower and Jessy that possibly nothing could be done to fix it ever.

Whomever had won whatever they wanted. They had ruined a long term friendship of neighbors. Increased grief and anguish in the lives of two people who had suffered enough by their great losses in life.

And the fear grew..Jessy could see herself across the street as the man who had lost his wife - who looked like she could have been Cody's sister. The actions and reactions were so similar...he would find any woman who reminded him even slightly of his wife he had lost - whose fears ran her into a place in time where she was caught accidentally by an irresponsible man and left behind all that she loved, her children and the tormenting all possessing love she had for her man with the dark eyes that could steal many women's souls just by looking in them.

So there was Jessy at that cross road...everytime she heard a motorcycle once again that terrible anguish she saw played out across the street became hers..the fear she had for his life and his children and her own..and not wanting to get involved with any of it..the guilt the anguish the pain began to bring her reality and suffering for about 19 years back to life..the dreams of being caught forever in a fun house looking for the love she had lost that was never real because she could not stop flirting - she saw the same thing being played out across the street..the guilt the anguish the pain....and the anger that she had been left behind by a man she loved who died and went to heaven to not suffer anymore. Who was never real in the first place.

To be so beautiful and so well loved by her husband with the dark eyes..and to be so insecure that a woman who thought all the world would be a threat to her very inner feelings of security is beyond me. So much so she would try to convince Jessy that she had been abused by such a gentle man who seemed so much in control. And the memories played out..the stress continued...and the harrassment began...and it began to seem it was him...

Fear that he would suffer needlessly for about twenty years or longer like myself or my father..in love with someone who is no longer there..when there are plenty of other people to enjoy and share life with, decent hard working people.

What she said was "I have been beaten too." She was possibly watching out of the corner of her eye for him to walk up. She was an incredibly brilliant intelligent hard working attractive woman absolutely driven..probably had floors one could eat off of. Amazingly unable to see how dedicated her lover, her companion, her best friend, her husband was to her. Simply because she had lost the first male love in her life to a divorce she never came to terms with, her father, whom her husband reminded her of.

And down the street wandered that comment....She said "I have been beaten." but he never seemed like that kind of person to me, such that when she said it so close to when she died Jessy thought for a minute "'e had a trailer too..but I analyzed that accident there was no way it could have been planned...to become he murdered her so he could marry someone...possibly me was that what the malicious lie became for attention for revenge for what...a wanted friendship that never materialized because I was unaware of that desire? The desire for attention?'

That story was so bad it made Jessy laugh when she finally heard it. A man who never had time to really talk to her, who could only see his beautiful wife who gave birth to his three children, a man who was so busy working that he did not have time for anyone except his incredibly nice intelligent wife and children. Would never have killed someone so precious for someone he did not even barely notice. Who could be so stupid as to believe such a story. And now she have to go into court and not start laughing at how bad the lies were because she was going to look so callous.

'No wonder her widower is so mad at me. The gossip has gotten so bad it is funny. Sometimes I can barely even walk and I am suppose to be driving around following this man in my car. What is going on it beyond me.' Jessy thought to herself.

'I cannot even hit human shaped targets at ten meters. I almost got kicked out of the military for not being able to hit the targets. And I am suppose to be stalking this man to shoot him. I do not even own a hand gun much less a rifle. I have seen so much in my life that I recognize to some degree yes these things kill but not as much as karma kills or problems or weaknesses. to be accused of trying kill someone is totally inane,' thought Jessy.

"How could someone say such things and then claim I said them. A man is sitting in prison who was irresponsible and accidentally murdered this man's wife and is being sued for what little his impoverished life has provided for him..who would agree to being part of such a plot. The entire story is so beyond reality...but someone convinced someone that it was true or that someone said it and believed it..and even named a person. One has to wonder just what the motivation of such a person is..and if such people actually had something to do with this woman saying she was abused..if I could confuse the neighbor with such a man when he told me I had a fat ass..and he has probably walked in and yelled at the sitter before..then what all could have gone on when no one was around is beyond me." thought Jessy.

'And this is what reality is made of..people who lie and decieve to get whatever they want from others..if even to wreck their world because they are disatisfied with their own reality.'

She told a lie from what I can tell..and that lie she told began to grow from her fears..she began with..see she is talking to him again...she wants him..possibly he wanted her when he was talking to her in the garage...and that lie began to eat away at her because she would not talk to anyone about it..especially her partner because she was so afraid...the lie grew so big eventually another persons lie met her lie on the road and consumed her...the lie that I can do this against the law..save a little bit of money..and not get caught...they both lost their lives because of their lies...that is why it is best not to lie because you can get lost in your lies.

'And now I am not lost in her lies anymore that took away someone I cared about greatly. The lie that my husband does not love me and will leave me some day. The lie that tormented her for years and made her sometimes difficult to live with because she was so afraid of loosing all that ever really mattered to her..her new daddy to her children.'

'The minute they ask me if I am Romantically interested in this man I am going to have to keep myself from laughing because first off the man has never looked at me enough much less me him to be able to really consider it..but everyone including the system seems to think that he or I were interested in being more than friends ever. I think I am going to loose totally because the minute they repeat to me that I said he murdered his wife so he could marry me I am going to fall out and roll on the floor. I wish I had not let other people tell me what to do..to not talk to him, to not associate with him because I would have found out what was going on and being said all that time..and I would not have grown to fear him so greatly to the point I do not want him around me anymore. I man I use to let my family's children play with his children I have grown to think ill of because someone wanted it that way for whatever reasons and motivations existed.'