Q: What did one cow say to the other cow?
A: Do you want to see a moooooooooovie?

Q: What do you call a egg when you drop it?
A: A scrambled egg

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road ?
A: To prove she's not chicken!

Q: Why do bananas wear suntan lotion?
A: So they won't peel.

Q: What did Jesus do to the alphabet?
A: He calmed the "c's"

Q: What do you call a vampire covered in frost?
A: Frostbite

Q: Where do you put a smart hot dog?
A: On the honor roll.

Q: What was the hot dog's name?
A: Frank.

Q: Where did the hotdog named frank love to be?
A: The ball park.

Q: why didnt the chicken cross the road
A: Because its a chicken

Q: What did Jonah try to do when he saw the big blue whale?
A: He tried to cheer him up!

Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!

Q: What kind of worm travels?
A: An earthworm.

Q: what did the dressing say to the refrigerator?
A: Shut the door i'm dressing!!

Q: Why did a mother bear tell her baby bear to put on his socks?
A: Because he had bear feet.

Q: What did the hotdog say when it crossed the finish line first?
A: I'm the weiner

Q: What did the chicken say before it crossed the road?
A: I'm gonna chicken out.

Q: Where do ants go to show off their talents?
A: To a talant show!

Q: Why was the boy afraid to eat his lunch at the beach?
A: He was afraid of the sandwich (sand witch).

Q: How long did it take the turtle to get across the road?
A: I don't know...we are still waiting.

Q: what do u call a pig that knows karate?
A: Pork chop!!

Q: Did you know that Arkansas is found in the Bible??
A: "Noah looked out the "Ark and saw""

Q: How do you catch a squrrel?
A: Climb up a tree, and act like a nut.

Q: Why did the burglar take a bath?
A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!!

Q: How Do angels say "hello"?
A: "Haylo" :-)

Q: Why did the cat want to work in the hospital?
A: Answer: because it wanted to be a first aid kit.

Q: why was one afraid of two
A: I dont know i was asking you

Q: What do you call a cow that eats grass in your backyard?
A: Answer: A "lawn mooer"!!

Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: He saw a chick! (A Girl)

Q: What do you call a cow in a earth quake?
A: A milkshake!

Q: Why do koalas carry their babies on their back?
A: Because they cant push a pram up the tree!
(Pram is another term for Baby Stroller)

Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
A: Because He wanted to go to "High" School!

Q: How many roaches does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Who knows? As soon as it turns on they scatter!

Q: Mother: Jenny, why are you reading Jack and the Bean Stalk as a prayer?
A: Jenny: Well, I thought God might be tired of the 'ol prayer!

Q: Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A: He knew he would get fried!

Q: What did the chicken say to the other chicken?
A: We are going to be fried!

Q: Why did the farmer kick the baseball players of the field?
A: They kept hitting fowls!

Q: What did the cow say to the horse?
A: Mooooooove!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To Join the chickens for a feast!

Q: Who was the first one to carry the gospel?
A: Mary!

Q: Why was the doctor angry with the judge?
A: He was always trying his patients!

Q: When was tennis mentioned in the Bible?
A: When Moses served in pharaohs court!

Q: What do you call a dog at the beach?
A: A hot dog.

Q: Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?
A: 5000 souls were lost.

Q: Where do cows go on Saturday nights?
A: The Mooooooovies!

Q: Why did the chicken not cross the road?
A: To prove his family right!!!!!!

Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny!

Q: Why do cows eat grass?
A: To get their mootrients.

Q: why did the girl throw the clock
A: she wonted to see time fly

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground-Beef! Ha Ha Ha!!

Q: What does President Goo call his country?
A: The Goo-nited States Of America!

Q: What time is it when an Elephant sits on your fence?
A: Time to buy a new fence

Q: Why did Silly Billy tip toe pass the medicine cabinet?
A: He didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills

Q: Where does dragon milk come from?
A: Short legged cows.

Q: What is green, has four wheels, and flies?
A: "A GARBAGE TRUCK"!

Q: What did the rug say to the vacuum cleaner?
A: "EAT MY DUST"!

Q: Who won the Wart Hog beauty contest?
A: "NO ONE"!

Q: I have green skin, three tongues,five arms,and one eyeball.
What am I?
A: "VERY UGLY"!

Q: Did you hear the one about the cock-roach pudding?
A: "NEVER MIND YOU WOULD NEVER SWALLOW IT"!

Q: Did you you hear the one about the town dump?
A: "ITS A LOT OF GARBAGE"!

Q: How do you turn a Butterfinger candy bar into a Crunch candy bar ?
A: Put it on the ground and step on it and, CRUNCH!!!!!

Q: What did the doctor say to the Invisible Man's wife?
A: I can't see anything wrong with your husband.

Q: What do you get when you cross a owl with a duck?
A: A real wise quacker.

Q: Why did the boy shake the cow?
A: Because he wanted a milk shake!

Q: What goes Tick-Tick Woof-Woof?
A: A Watch Dog!

Q: How do you sell a chicken to a deaf man?
A: DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN?!!!!!!!!!!!

Q: If a plane crashed on the border of U.S.A and Canada where would they bury the survivers?
A: They would not bury the survivers.

Q: What kind of car does an electrician drive?
A: "voltswagon!"

Q: Why did the Cyclops shut down his own school?
A: Because He only had one pupil. (student)

Q: What do u call a blind dinosaur dog?
A: Do-u-think-he-sauras REX

Q: How do you make a blind man upset.
A: Rearange his furniture!

Q: What is a skeletons favorite instrument?
A: Trom-bone

Q: Why wasn't the girl afraid of the shark?
A: Because it was a man eating shark.

Q: How do you make a hotdog stand?
A: Take its chair away!

Q: What is the last thing you take off before going to bed?
A: Your feet off the floor.

Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: Meet you at the corner.

Q: What dinosaur loves pancakes?
A: Tri-syrup-tops.

Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
A teacher says, " Spit out your gum." and a train says, "Chew, chew."

Q: Whats A computers favorite dance?
A: The disc-o

Q: There is a man running home. He sees a masked man, he looks in that man's hands he quickly turns around and runs the other way. What is happening????
A: HE IS PLAYING BASEBALL

Q: Why is 8 afraid of 7?
A: Because seven eight nine

Q: Which light's did Noah use in the ark?
A: Flood Light's

Q: With what weapon do bees sting people?
A: With a be be gun.

Q: What does a dog say when you tell him what cavers this house?
A: The dog says, ROOF! ROOF! ROOF! ROOF!

Q: What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
A: Time to go to sweep!

Q: How do you keep a 300 lb hamster from charging?
A: Take away it's credit cards!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? <
A: To get to the other side!!!!!

Q: Which Fish sings?
A: A Tuna Fish.

Q: What do you give an injured lemon?
A: Lemonade.

Q: Why did the elephant lie down in the middle of the sidewalk:?
o trip the ants....

Q: What did one cat say to the other cat when Noah had told them to leave the ark?
A: Is "ararat" around here?

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off.

Q: An alien landed on Earth and the first thing he saw was a bird.
Alien: "Bird, can you tell me where the closest hotel is?"
Bird: "Cheep, cheep!"
A: Alien: "It better be! It cost me a fortune getting here!"

Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.

Q: What is Irish, sometimes green, and can be found on your back porch?
A: Pattie 'O' furniture.

Q: Teacher: Mike, come find the United States on the map.
Mike: Yes, Teacher. (He finds it.)
Teacher: Very good. Now, class, do you know who discovered the United States?
A: Class: Mike did!

Q: What is the difference between a man and a dog?
A: One wears trousers the other pants!

Q: Why did the bald man have so many keys?
A: Because he lost his locks!

Q: John: I wish I lived hundreds of years ago.
Teacher: Why?
A: John: I wouldn't have to study so much history.

Q: Why can't Cindirela play baseball?
A: She ran away from the ball.

Q: Why did the gum cross the road ?
A: Cause it was stuck to the bottam of the chickens foot

Q: What did the snail say when it got on a turtle's back?
A: "WHEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Q: Customer: Waiter!! What's this fly doing in my soup?
A: Waiter: looks like the backstroke to me

Q: Question: What can we learn from the story of Jonah and the Whale?
A: You can't keep a good man down.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the bed?
A: It hasn't been made yet!!

Q: Time flies like an arrow.
A: Fruit flies like a banana.

Q: Camper: What is blue and red all over with yellow spots?
Counselor: I don't know.
A: Camper: I don't know either, but it's climbing in the window of our cabin.

Q: why don't skeletons play music in church?
A: A:they don't have any organs!

Q: Question: What's purple and swings on a vine?
A: Tarzan of the grapes!

Q: If you are in a room with no windows or doors and you only have a mirror, how do you get out?
Answer: You look in the mirror and see what you saw.
You take the saw and cut the mirror in half.
Two halves make a whole (hole).
A: You crawl through the hole and you're out!

Q: Why did the chicken bok?
A: Because he had chicken boks (pox).

Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boggie in it.

Q: What kind of sickness do bees get?
A: The Hives

Q: What does the mayonaisse say when you open the refrigerator door?
A: SHUT THE DOOR, I'M DRESSING!

Q: Question? Why does a Cow have a bell?
A: Because his horns don't work.

Q: Question? What do you call a bull when it is sleeping?
A: A BULL-DOZER

Q: Why was the chef mean?
A: Because he beat the eggs, whipped the cream and mashed the potatoes. Ha Ha

Q: Why don't dogs drive?
A: They'd get too many barking tickets.

Q: Mr. X: Doctor, Doctor! I keep thinking I'm a dumpling!!!!!
A: Doctor, Don't get into such a stew!

Q. How did the inventor of the sink make out?
A: He cleaned up!

Q. Why did the inventor keep tinkering with her insect exercise machine?
A: She had some bugs to work out!

Q. Click! Click! What sound is it?
A: Eating something.

Q: What has two hands, but can't hold anything?
A: A clock.

Q: What has eyes, but can't see?
A: A potato.

Q: When do Donald and Daffy Duck wake up?
A: At the quack of dawn

Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the Shell station

Q: What kind of baseball games did they play in medieval times?
A: Knight games

Q: There is a rooster on the peak of a roof. If he lays an egg, which side of the roof would it roll down?
A: Neither. Roosters don't lay eggs

Q: Doctor: How's the patient who swallowed the Quarter?
A: Nurse: No change yet.

Q: Stephanie: I've been skating since I was two years old.
A: Michelle: Wow! You must be tired!

Q: How do you you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
A: Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: I have no idea (A No-eyed deer)

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
A: ...still no idea (A still no-eyed deer)

Q: See if you can figure this out!
YY U R YY U B I C U R YY 4 ME!
A: "Too wise, you are too wise you be I see you are too wise for me."

Q: Where is a sneeze useually pointed?
A: Achoo! (At you)

Q: Did you hear about the boy/girl who keeps going around saying "NO"?
A: No...

Q: What's 5Q + 5Q?
10Q!
A: Your welcome!

Q: Why are the pages of a book like the days of a persons life?
A: They're numbered!

Q: When can sinner be spelled with 1 letter?
When it's "U'!

Q: What's part tree and part pig?
A: A Porky Pine!

Q: What is a good miracle?
A: To see the mighty lord!

Q: What do you get when you pass a person holding an orange with a horn?
A: A "Tutti-fruiti"!

Q: What did the subject say to the predicate?
A: You're way behind me!!

Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: Your too young to smoke.

Q: What do you call a box of duck?
A: Quackers

Q: What is worse than finding a worm in an apple?
A: Finding only half a worm!

Q: If you have six oranges in one hand and six oranges in the other hand what do you have? <
A: Very big hands.

Q: Patient: Doctor doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible
A: Doctor: who said that.

Q: What did the carrot and the squash say to the corn?
A: Lettuce in!!

Q: Why did the chicken lay an egg when the fox came around?
A: So that he could scramble!

Q: What side of the dog has more fur?
A: The outside!

Q: What do you get when you cross a quarter pound of ground beef with a hummingbird?
A: Quarter pound humburger. <

Q: Why did the tomato cross the road? <
A: Because he wanted to ketchup with his friends.

Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster, a cocker spaniel and a French poodle?
A: A Cocker Poodle Do!

Q: Why did the lettuce cross the road?
A: To get to the Salad Bar.

Q: What do you get if you cross a lizard with a baseball player? <
A: An outfielder who catches flies with his tongue.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the GUTS!!!!

Q: Heather: "That last joke of yours was two thirds of a pun."
Jeffery: "How do you mean?"
A: Heather: "P.U."

Q: Who can stay single even if he marries lots of women?
A: A preacher.

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because there weren't any chickens around then.
A: (Of course we believe that the Bible tells us there would have been chickens around then - people too! - Prof. Pockets)

Q: Why don't lions like to eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.

Q: What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A: A do-you-think-he-saurus

Q: Question: How does one dinosaur tell another to go faster?
A: "Pronto Saurus!"

Q: "What do you call a singing shampoo?"
A: "A soap opera!"

Q: "What did the lizard say to his girlfriend?"
A: "Iguana love you forever!"

Q: What's Irish and stays out all night?
A: Paddy O'Furniture!

Q: What does an elephant do when it breaks it's toe?
A: It calls a toe truck!

Q: What did the man say to the wall?
A: "One more crack and I'll plaster you".

Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A: Milk and quackers! <

Q: What do cats have for breakfast?
A: Mice Bubbles

Q: Where do cows go at night?
A: The moooovies

Q: What type of shoes do koala's wear?
A: Gumboots

Q: What's a kangaroo's favorite show?
A: Sixty minutes

Q: Where should a 500-pound alien go?
A: On a diet.

Q: What did the wicked chicken lay?
A: Deviled eggs.

Q: Why was Cinderella such a bad basketball player?
A: Her coach was a pumpkin.

Q: Why was Cinderella thrown off the baseball team?
A: Because she ran away from the ball.

Q: What does Cinderella Seal wear?
A: >Glass flippers!

Q: What's the difference between a train and a teacher? <
A: The train says "choo choo" and the teacher says spit out your gum.

Q:What's the best way to catch a squirrel?
A: You climb a tree and act like a nut.

Q: Why wouldn't the shrimp share?
A: Because he was shellfish.

Q: What do you do if you sit on a cactus?
A: Get up!