A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty from a screaming police chief. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. A person's confidential secret file folder can be alphabetically accessed by posing as a night janitor or telephone repair person. A violent armed robbery will occur while you are shopping in the back aisles of a convenience store. A single match or lighter will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste. After a person on the other end of the telephone hangs up you will immediately hear a loud dial tone signifying that they have ended the call at that very moment. After viewing a flash TV news report in your hotel room about the crime that you just committed it will be neccessary to immediately click the TV off. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to explode. All computers will have an audible "beep" when a person is searching for specific data, and of course that computer will find the precise match they are seeking. Basically, all the operator has to do at that particular point is hit "enter" to display everything known about the subject including sensitive FBI files. All grocery shopping bags are carried above the waist and contain at least one loaf of French bread. All pistols shoot at least 20 times. All single women have a cat. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555. Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology. An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child. Any lock can be defeated by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside. Any person waking from a nightmare will bolt upright, sit and pant. Any surveillance footage can be frozen and "zoomed in" to crystal clear perfection. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames. Cheap hotel rooms will have a large flashing neon sign just outside the window that illuminate the room in an on-off manner. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them. During a heated gun fight where you are out numbered, disadvantaged and ducking for cover there will always be a large barrel or container of explosive material near the enemy that can be ignited with a well placed single gun shot hit. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. Everyone has aviation skills. Every car that goes off any cliff will explode before it hits the ground. Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just simply throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon. If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored quickly by frantically beating the cradle and saying, "Hello? Hello?" If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year. If hiding in a closet is necessary there will always be plenty of room to stand with convenient open style louver doors that offer easy undetected one way viewing of anyone entering the bedroom. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity. If you are asking a bartender for information on someone it will be necessary to slap a $20 bill into his palm after each and every sentence to "refresh" his memory. If you are checking into a low budget hotel or motel the manager desk clerk will always have a negative attitude and you will be interupting his favorite TV Show. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15 cm. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. If you quickly start stuffing a hard shelled suitcase with clothes in order to leave in a hurry you will always get caught in the bedroom before you can close the lid. In any scene taking place in a 3rd world or especially a muslim country there will be at least one old man with a long beard and one milky eye. Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe. It is always possible to park directly outside in front of the building you are visiting. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is a pilot in the control tower to talk you down. It does not matter if you are heavily out numbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead. Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions can be played without moving the fingers. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth and good complexions. Men in bars will just order a "beer" never a brand name and then without any questions will be served one. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization or large corporations. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children are in a rush and never have time to eat them. No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged. No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. One good guy with a pistol can take out 30 to 40 bad guys with machine guns. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one. People on TV never finish their drinks. People's hands playing a light piano medley will always be hidden from view. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do. Stolen clothes are always a perfect fit. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on. The average hotel pool is always deep enough for you to survive a fall from any floor. The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job. The Chief of Police always shouts. The "driver" can take his eye off the road, talk to the passenger for five minutes straight, and not hit a darn thing. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any part of the building undetected without difficulty. The "woman" will always fall down trying to escape. Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. When visiting any library it is quite easy to observe a person and clearly listen to their conversation in the next aisle by simply moving the books on the shelf to the side. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now. You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.