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Senshi Soup – May 99 Edition

(The screen goes black, and the theme music from Star Wars begins to play as a message begins to scroll up the screen. An ominous voice begins to read what is being scrolled.)

Announcer – (In a deep ominous voice) A long long long time ago in a galaxy we call the Milky Way, a group of characters from the anime, Sailormoon, set out to make a TV show that would show clips from anime related talk shows. They made one episode, and the world watched in horror, thanked the Gods when it was over. They thought there would be no more episodes for this show was sure to be canceled, but fate can be cruel.. Now the crew of Senshi Soup have developed a new abomination that will further spread their evil wa--- (Is cut off by the sound of footsteps, and a low growling noise.)

(Sailormoon appears on the set dressed up like Luke Skywalker, a angered look on her face.)

Sailormoon – (Stands in front of the black background, tapping her foot, and holding a script.) It doesn’t say evil anywhere on the script!! (Smacks the script which reads "Senshi Soup – May 99 Edition : Star Wars spoof") Get out here Professor Tomoe!!

(Professor Tomoe comes out from behind the black background, holding onto his script.)

Professor Tomoe – (Points to the word evil on his script, and hands it to Sailormoon) It says evil right there!

Sailormoon – (Takes the script from Professor Tomoe, and begins to read it.) Wait a minute! (looks at the cover of the script which reads. "Senshi Soup – May 99 : Star Wars spoof.. *Witches 5 Rewrite*") You had Eudial rewrite the script for you!! Didn’t you!?

Professor Tomoe – (Places one of his hands behind his head.) Well I wouldn’t really call it a rewrite. Um… (Smiles realizing he can’t think of anything else to say.)

Sailormoon – (Slams Professor Tomoe’s script on the ground.) Spoof’s over!! Put on the normal background!! (The Senshi Soup background with the floating heads of various Sailormoon characters appear.)

(Mamoru, and Chibi Chibi walk onto the set.. Mamoru is dressed up like C3PO, and Chibi-Chibi is dressed like R2-D2.)

Mamoru – (Looks at Sailormoon with a puzzled look on his face.) What happened?

Chibi-Chibi – (Chibi-Chibi scuttles around Sailormoon’s feet.) Chibi? Chiiiibi?

Sailormoon – (Taking off her Luke Skywalker costume, to reveal her Senshi Fuku.) The spoof’s over. We’re starting the show in about 2 minutes.. So go get at your posts.

Mamoru – (starts to take off his C3PO costume as he walks over to camera 2.) Everyone else is gonna be annoyed, they were having a tough time getting into their Storm Trooper costumes, and Seiya spent a lot of money to get that Darth Vader costume.. (Shrugs) Oh well. (Turns the camera so that it’s facing the main set.)

Sailormoon – (Sits down in her chair in front of the Cameras.) Are we almost ready? (Looks over to Mamoru)

Mamoru – (Looks to his side as he hears Seiya walk onto the set, and take hold of camera 1.) Seiya’s here, and Rei and Ami are in the producer’s booth.. We’re ready to roll in.. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… (Both Seiya, and Mamoru turn their cameras on and focus on Sailormoon.)

Sailormoon – (Smiles at the camera as the Senshi Soup theme music plays in the background.) The number one source of mental instability, welcome to Senshi Soup! We’ve got a really big show coming up, and to we’ve only had 2 weeks to rest since we taped the last show!! Pretty amazing huh Mamo-chan?

Mamoru – Well our contracts said we’d only have a 2 week resting period between tapings, but I guess you just forgot. (Shrugs.)

Sailormars – (From the Producer’s booth) Well it wouldn’t be surprising since you were busy eating all the candy in the CEO’s candy dish while everyone else was reading their contracts..

Sailormoon – (Shrinks a little in her seat.) Well our first clip of the month comes from the show "Forgive and Forget". Me an Chibi-usa were on this show about a week ago to settle a little dispute we had over a pie me and my friends ate. (Chibi-Chibi is seen in the background holding up a sign that says "Forgive and Forget") Well I’ll stop filling you with details, and let you all watch the clip.. (Smiles, then whispers just before the clip begins to show) It’s not my fault!

Forgive and Forget

Episode Title – "Simple as pie?"

Air Date – April 12th

(Usagi is sitting in front of the audience on the set of Forgive and Forget, she has just finished talking to Mother Love, explaining to her the back story.)

Usagi – (Places her hands in her lap) So you see I didn’t know it was her pie in the first place. Me and my friends thought my mom had made it for us cause we were studying so hard.. Chibi-usa is just upset because she made it for a boy who she doesn’t even like anymore.

Mother Love – Well let’s find out if Chibi-usa will forgive and forget.. (Both Mother Love & Usagi turn to a curtain where Chibi-usa has been patiently waiting to give her answer.)

Chibi-usa – (The curtain opens, and Chibi-usa steps out and turns to Usagi.) No.. (Smiles at Usagi)

Usagi – (Jumps up in her seat, her face bright red.) I came on this show, practically humiliated myself in front of a live studio audience, and you have the nerve to say no?! You’re dead! (Begins to chase Chibi-usa around Mother Love.)

Chibi-usa – Hey maybe you’ll work off the weight you gained from eating that pie Usagi!!

(The clip fades back to Senshi Soup, Chibi-Chibi walks off stage with her sign, and Sailormoon leans forward towards the camera.)

Sailormoon – (Stands up from her seat) I had nearly whipped that from my memory, and now it’s back in full force. (A quiet pause, ten Sailormoon sits down.) Ahmmmm.. (Places her finger on a big red button next to her chair, then pushes it.) Security!!

(Rose petals fall, and cheesy music plays as Sailoruranus walks onto the set in a blue security uniform.)

Sailoruranus – (Places one of her hands on her hip) Heralded by the security button, Sailoruranus, security guard, acting gorgeously! What’s the problem? Terrorists? Bomb threat?

Sailormoon – (Smiles at Sailoruranus) Can you go find Chibi-usa, and bring her here? Please?

Sailoruranus – (Grumbles) Ok, I’m on it.) (Turns to walk away then mumbles) I should have taken the producer job, but no, I wanted to be where all the action was.. Now I’m stuck hunting down kids..

Sailormoon – Ok, while Sailoruranus, goes off to find Chibi-usa we’ll goto a commercial. (Winks) Filming this show isn’t free ya know!

(Fades to commercial)

(A little boy, and a box appear, then an announcer begins to speak)

Announcer- So you spent your weeks allowence to buy a chemistry kit, but you still can’t make a damion?

Little Boy – (In a sad tone.) Uh huh.. (Pushes the box away.)

Announcer – Well I’ve got just the solution to your problem!! "Professor Tomoe’s Lil Mad Scientist Kit"!

(A box labeled, "Professor Tomoe’s Lil Mad Scientist Kit" appears in front of the little boy.)

Little Boy – (Opens the box up, and a smile appears on his face as a chibi form of Professor Tomoe flys out of the box with a big grin on his face.) Oh Boy!! Professor Tomoe!!

Professor Tomoe – That’s right!! You to can make damion just like me, Professor Tomoe!! It’s as easy as 1, 2, 3!! (Snaps his fingers and a damion crawls out of the box, mauls the little boy, and steals his pure heart crystal.) Wooohoo!! (Flys away, leaving a trail of sprinkles.)

Announcer – So if you want to be just like Professor Tomoe, just call 1-900-DAMIONS, and order your very own "Professor Tomoe’s Lil Mad Scientist Kit"!

(Professor Tomoe flies by the screen again, and as his trail of sprinkles fades the words "Professor Tomoe’s Lil Mad Scientist Kit" are scrolled across the screen.)

Announcer – (In a serious tone) Tomoe Toys are not responsible for lost, or broken pure heart crystals. All profits go to a non-profit organization operating out of Tokyo that would like to remain secret, because they’re plotting global destruction which is hard to do when little kids are calling you 24/7.. Thank you…

(Senshi Soup theme music plays)

Sailormoon – Welcome back to Senshi Soup, I’m your host, Smiling Politely. (Smiles) Ok, Sailoruranus still hasn’t returned with Chibi-usa so I guess we’ll just have to go onto the next clip without her. (Taps on her script) Ok clip 2 comes from "The Daily Show".


(Chibi-Chibi, comes out holding a sign that reads "The Daily Show")

Sailormoon – It seems Jon Stewert has this belief that Sailor Galaxia isn’t the almighty senshi that she is so commonly known as. So Mr. Stewert decides to challenge Sailor Galaxia to a little contest. (Grins) I’m not going to say what it is, but I’ve got a gut feeling it’ll be coming out of someone’s mouth one way or another.

(Fades to clip #2.)

The Daily Show

Episode Title – "The Golden Senshi vs. Hagis"

Air Date – 21 April

(Sailor Galaxia is sitting in a chair next to Jon Stewert’s desk on the set of The Daily Show. The two have a plate of hagis between them.)

Sailor Galaxia – (Looks at the hagis) This is you challenge for the mighty Sailor Galaxia? A plate of food you call hagis? (Pokes the hagis with a fork)

Jon Stewert – (With a grin on his face) Ya, if you can eat a big fork full of this hagis, I will get down on my knees and proudly proclaim you the most powerful senshi that ever existed. (Pushes the plate closer to Sailor Galaxia.)

Sailor Galaxia – (Takes up a big fork full of hagis) A simple task for the Golden Senshi. (Holds the fork of hagis in front of her mouth)

Jon Stewert – (In a mocking tone) Not scared are ya? Ooooohhhh Golden Senshi?

Sailor Galaxia – (Raises her head in the air.) Sailor Galaxia fears nothing. (Sticks the fork full of hagis into her mouth, then pulls the fork out clean.

Jon Stewert – Well? How does it taste? Salty? Sour? Sweet? (Pauses as he watches Sailor Galaxia’s face slowly turn green.) Nausiating?

Sailor Galaxia – (Stands up quickly from her seat, and rushes off stage. In the distance a vomiting sound can be heard.)

Jon Stewert – (slaps his hands on the desk) Who says we need 5 questions? (Crowd cheers)

(Fades back to Senshi Soup. Chibi-Chibi hurls her sign, then walks off stage leaving Sailormoon.)

Sailormoon – (Blinks) I don’t even want to know.. (Shivers). Ok, let’s put all of this somewhat uplifting information behind us and indulge in the Quote of the Month!! Badum bum!

(Fades to the Quote of the Month segment)

The Jerry Springer Show

Episode Title – "MoTD and the people who abandon them."

Air Date – April 04

The Jerry Springer Show

Episode Title – "MoTD and the people who abandon them."

Air Date – April 04

MoTD – (Sniffles) I just want to say to all the soon to be master villains, and evil leaders. Don’t let your MoTD go unloved, we have every right to feel happy.. We’re people too.. (Starts to cry)

(Fades back to Senshi Soup, the sound o clapping fills the air.)

Sailormoon – (Whipping a tear from her eye) That was beautiful.. I almost wish we didn’t always have to stop them when ever someone hatches an evil plot. (Sniff). Ohh well.

(In the distance the angered voice of Chibi-usa can be heard, followed by the voice of Sailoruranus.)

Sailormercury – (From the Producer’s booth.) Sailormoon, Sailoruranus has arrived with Chibi-usa..

Sailormoon – (Perks up) Thanks Sailor Mercury.. (Stands up from her seat as she watches Sailoruranus approach with Chibi-usa. Rose petals fall, and cheesy music plays.)

Chibi-usa – (Grumbles) I was in the middle of a meeting, and Sailoruranus barges in and says you ordered her to bring me here! What do you want?!

Sailoruranus – She really put up a fight.. I know now why they put her up in advertisment division.. She’s bound to kill all our competition…

Sailormoon – (Smiles then takes Chibi-usa from Sailoruranus.) Thanks Sailoruranus, I’ll be sure that you get erased from the fruitcake list for Christmas..

Sailoruranus – (Smiles warmly at Sailormoon) Thanks! (Walks off the set, followed by rose petals falling and cheesy music playing.)

Sailormoon – (Thinks to herself) *Why don’t I get theme music when I arrive, or leave? Hmmmm I’m gonna have to get that changed… I am the star anyways. (Fluffs her hair.) Yes sir, Sailormoon, host of Senshi Soup.. Someday I’m going to win an Emmy. (Smiles) I can see it now.. "And the winner for best host on a variety show is… Sailormoon!!"..

Chibi-usa – (Taps Sailormoon on the head then stares at her with an annoyed look on her face.) You feeling ok? You were making all kinds of weird faces, and stuff. (Looks at Sailormoon with a puzzled look on her face.)

Sailormoon – (Her faces goes blank as she realizes she had just spent the past minute day dreaming.) Errrr. Just sit right there Chibi-usa. (Pushes Chibi-usa down into a sitting position next to her chair.) Ok our third clip comes from Happy Hour.

(Chibi-Chibi comes out holding a sign that reads "Happy Hour")

Sailormoon – On this clip from the new show Happy Hour, the Amazoness Quartet face off against Zeiram (from Iria – Zeiram the animation), and Kain (from Tenchi Muyo in Love) in a gruesome game where the two parties must correctly guess the inside of a candy bar. (Shakes her head) When will we learn not to play with things Mother Nature did not intend us to play with?

(Fades to clip #3)

Happy Hour

Episode Title – "We’ve struck nugget!!"

Air Date – April 27

(On one side, The Amazoness Quartet, they represent the women.. On the other side, Kain, and Zeiram, they represent the men.. Both are about to square off in a game where both parties will try and guess the identity of mysterious candy bar insides..)

Dweezil – Ok here’s our first candy bar crime scene photo…

(A picture of the inside of candy bar is shown.. It consists caramel, some white nugget, and peanuts.)

Ves Ves – It’s a pineapple!!!

Ahmet – Um? That’s a fruit Ves Ves.. This is a candy bar… Guys? (Turns to Kain and Zeiram)

Zeiram – Grrrrrrrrrr…… (Stares coldly at Para Para)

Para Para – (hides behind Ves Ves) Para Para doesn’t like being stared at you big freak!!

Kain – Is it a kit-kat?

Dweezil – (Leaning back in his chair) No it is not a kit-kat!! Kit-kats don’t even have nugget in them!! They’re just cookies covered in chocolate!!

Kain – (Crossing his arms) I don’t like this game anymore..

Jun Jun – (Snickers) Ahhhh is Kain giving up so soon? Not surprising..

Zeiram – Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Cere Cere – (Places her index finger on her cheek) Is it a snickers?

Dweezil – (Stares at Cere Cere in disbelief) Yes, yes, yes it is… (Nods his head then falls back in his chair)

Ves Ves – (Rolls her eyes at Dweezil) Idiot… Next time (looks to the rest of the Amazoness Quartet) we should get booked on The Tonight Show.. And I still think it’s a pineapple.

(Fades back to Senshi Soup, Chibi-Chibi tosses her sign off stage, then exits leaving Sailormoon alone.)

Sailormoon – (Scratches her head) I hate to agree with Ves Ves, but I think that was a pineapple.. (Nods her head.) Yep, definatly a pineapple.

Chibi-usa – (Shakes her head in disbelief) Not surprising one bit..

Sailormoon – (Pulls a letter out from under her seat) Either I’ve decided to get a sex change and join the Amazon Trio, or it’s time to read a little Moonie Mail!! Our letter this month comes from Jon Doeright, of Imvacant, Idaho.. And he writes. (Hands the letter over to Chibi-usa, who reluctantly begins to read..)

Chibi-usa – Jon Doeright, writes : "Dear Sailormoon, Is it true that your caterer doesn’t supply you with danishes?" (Rolls her eyes) Oh brother….

Sailormoon – (Taps her nose, then frowns) Yes, it’s true Jon, we don’t get danishes.. It’s rather sad really. (Sniffs, then stands up.) We here at Senshi Soup work very hard everyday. (Begins to walk away from the main set, and over to a catering table.) As you can see here our breakfast supply consists of jelly donuts, plain donuts, eclairs, bagels, coffee, but not a single danish. (Runs her hand over the table, and shakes her head.) It’s a crime when a host can’t have a danish, and I’d like to take the time to tell the world of this problem.. 3/10 hosts don’t get danishes, and we just can’t allow this to go on.. So please contact your local bakery and have them distribute danishes to your local TV stations, because the only way we can stop this madness is by bringing back the danishes.. Thank you.. (walks back over to her seat and sits down.)

Chibi-usa – The plight of the danish is very interesting Sailormoon, but can we please get to the point!!

Sailormoon – I did.. I don’t have a danish, and that’s the whole point..

Chbi-usa – (lowers her head) Nevermind.. Why don’t you tell me why you had Sailoruranus bring me here?

Sailormoon – (Hands Chibi-usa the script) I thought I’d make up for eating your pie by letting you read this. (Points to a section of the script.)

Chibi-usa – (Jumps up with joy) Really?! Thanks!! (Hugs Sailormoon.) (Pauses for a few seconds then begins to speak.) The time has come, the hour draws near, it’s the moment you all have feared.. (Jumps up onto the back of Sailormoon’s chair) It’s the clip of the month!!! (Falls off the chai

 

The Clip of the Month

Space Ghost – Coast to Coast

Episode Title – "Go Go Speed Mamoru!!"

Air Date – April 21st

(On a floating TV screen the head of Mamoru can be seen, next to the TV, seated at a plush desk is, Space Ghost.)

Space Ghost – So Mamoru, I can call you Mamoru right?

Mamoru – (Perks up) Huh? Oh ya, sure..

Space Ghost – Alright than Speed Racer.. (Taps his fingers on his desk.)

Mamoru – (Puzzled look) Uhhh, my name’s Mamoru, not Speed Racer..

Zorak – Hey! You just sit there and look pretty Racer boy!!

Space Ghost – (Chuckles) Can I call you Racer Boy? I like that name, it’s funny.

Mamoru – (Places his hand on his face.) My name is, M a m o r u.. Mamoru!! It is not Speed Racer..

Moltar – Say, Speed, what ever happened to that monkey?

Mamoru – (screams) I am not Speed Racer!! My name is Mamoru, I’m Tuxedo Kamen!! And I don’t know where the monkey is!!

Space Ghost – Well I can understand why, you probably scared him with all your yell, Speed.

Mamoru – (Falls back, half sobbing) I’m not Speed Racer!! I’m Mamoru!!

Zorak – (Shakes his head) What a baby.. Speed Racer has really let himself go..

(Fades back to Senshi Soup)

Sailormoon & Chibi-usa – Well that concludes this month’s decent into madness!!

Sailormoon – Well be back around the end of June for our super sized Summer Blockbuster Edition!! We’ll have lots of special guests, and tons of suprises.. Not to mention we’ll be on location in Jamaica!!

Chibi-usa – (Tosses the script behind her) Later Soupies!! (Runs at the camera and everything fades to black and the credits begin to roll.)

Host – Sailormoon

Executive Producer – Sailormars

Co-Executive Producer – Sailormercury

Camera 1 – Seiya

Camera 2 – Mamoru

Head of Clip Picking – Chibi Chibi

Sign Holder – Chibi Chibi

Makeup – Sailorvenus

Security – Sailoruranus

Public Relations – Sailorjupiter

Research – Sailorneptune

Catering Provided by – Moon Elite Catering

Costumes Provided by – Zoisite’s Costume Company

 

For a transcript of this months show please write to the following:

Senshi Soup Transcript Dept

C/O Senshi Studios

1246 Serenity Dr

Hollywood, CA 58425