Who The Hell Is Guinness, Anyways?
Somebody call that guy Guinness, whoever the hell he is,
because this is one for the record books. Okay, stay
with me: Boogie Nights is still in a few second-run
theaters, even though it's been released on video. One.
Then Lost In Space just came out a few weeks ago. Two.
Then, this Friday, Scream 2 is being rereleased to
theaters, which makes three, and the same day Two Girls
And A Guy comes out, becoming number four. Now if my
math is correct, that makes four films, all in
theaters, all featuring Heather. Now that's got to be
some kind of record, don't you think? Now lots of
actors have done two: Nicolas Cage did it with Con Air
and Face/Off last summer, and Leonardo DiCaprio did it
more recently with Titanic and The Man In The Iron Mask.
There might even be a few who have done three at a time,
although I can't think of anyone offhand, but four? I
think not. So I'm contacting the Guinness people today
to try to get her in. I'll keep you all posted.
Aimee Graham (Answer To The "Extra")
Okay, I've seen From Dusk Till Dawn maybe a hundred
times, but I never noticed one particular name in the
credits: Aimee Graham, the countergirl from Jackie
Brown I mentioned back on the first page. For those of
you who've seen it, she's the blond hostage the Gecko
brothers take in their hold-up of Benny's World Of
Liquor. So I did a little research on the 'Net and
found that she is, in fact, Heather's younger sister.
Not many real noticable appearances: she was in Don't
Do It, some Heather movie I've never heard of, and Amos
And Andrew, a little-known Nicolas Cage/Samuel L.
Jackson flick. So that question has been answered, and
my mind can finally rest.
Updates
Okay, update time. Heather's latest offering, Two
Girls And A Guy, came and went so fast I never got a
chance to see it, so I'll have to wait until its video
release to check it out. Lost In Space is also pretty
much finished theatrically: after a strong opening
weekend, it died out pretty quickly. It's still
lingering in a few theaters, but not many, so it'll
be hitting the dollar theaters pretty soon. Heather
made the cover of yet another unknown magazine, Femme
Fatale, but she also got a nomination for Breakthrough
Performance on the much-known network called MTV for
Rollergirl. So keep your fingers crossed.
Withdrawal...
Okay, it's been months since Heather's put out
anything new, and I'm starting to suffer. Shakes,
dehydration, dementia, constant stuttering, heart
arrythmia - I'm even starting to take notice of
Jennifer Love Hewitt, who's quickly threatening to
replace Heather as my number one girl. But anyways,
here's a little information I happened to come across.
Heather's currently dating Stephen Hopkins, director of
Lost In Space. They're living together. Lucky bastard.
And during the filming of Diggstown, Heather actually
had a relationship with James Woods. He's gotta be
twice her age. Now I respect James Woods, always have,
but just three little words about that: "rocking the
cradle", okay? Aside from that, she's all but vanished.
Heather, Heather. wherefore art thou, Heather?!?
Yeah, Baby!
Good news, all! Heather's next flick comes out this
summer - she's teamed with Mike Myers in the fast-coming
sequel to Mike Myers's Austin Powers: International Man
Of Mystery, "The Spy Who Shagged Me!" We all know that
she shags like a minx from Boogie Nights... but will
she give it up for the "ultimate gentleman spy?" Or
maybe Mr... Sorry, DOCTOR Evil. (After all, he didn't
spend four years of evil medical school to be MISTER
Evil, thank you very much.) And you know something?
I'd rather her do Dr. Evil than Jamie Walters. Yes,
that's how much I hate him.
Dementia 13?
Frightening realization today, something that's had
me hiding under my bed, shaking uncontrollably, for
most of the day. Brad Pitt's stalker was on the Howard
Stern show, some wacky broad who broke into his estate,
dressed up in his clothes, and spent the night in his
bed. Packing a foot-long needle and a book on
witchcraft with her. And it suddenly occured to
me: is this what I'm destined for? Five years from now,
will I find myself sneaking into her place, wearing a
Richard Nixon mask, a copy of Fear And Loathing
In Las Vegas in one hand and Romeo and Juliet in the
other, possibly even wearing a powder-blue leisure suit?
Does this website merely enhance what is already an
advanced form of dementia, and if so, will it be the
thing that finally knocks me off the sharp edge of
sanity, shrieking my way into the mental hospital?
Quite a scary wake-up call - perhaps an increase in my
medication is in order. Hmmm...
"The Love Of My Life: Heather Graham"
"The Love Of My Life: Part Three"
"Heather Graham: Space Cadet"
"Her Filmography"
Email: Heretic697@aol.com
