Definition of Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.
Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
Damn, says the ant, "one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?
Two flies are sitting on a pile of manure. One fly says to the other fly,
"Is this stool taken?"
This guy went to a doctor's office with a pickle up his nose,
pizza shoved in his right ear and a straw sticking out of his left ear and said,
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well."
The doctor replied, "That's because you're not eating right."
Concerned that her love-life had quieted down somewhat,
Miss Lottsabazooma went to the doctor for her checkup.
Naturally the first thing he asked her to do was strip off her clothes.
Her doctor noted that she was a little overweight.
"Why don't you diet?" he said.
She looked down and said, "What color do you suggest?"
A man was looking all over town to find a friend of his.
He walked down the street and came to a barbershop.
He stuck his head inside and asked, "Bob Peters here?"
The barber replied, "Nah, we just do shaves and haircuts."
Reminiscing about their wayward youth,
a former hippie asked a onetime flower child,
"Say, were you ever picked up by the fuzz?"
"No," she replied, "but I bet it'd hurt!"
An Eskimo's snowmobile goes on the fritz.
He takes it to a mechanic, who, after examining the vehicle, says,
"I think you've blown a seal."
To which the Eskimo replies, "No, that's just a little ice on my mustache."
A woman is like a tea bag.
You won't know how strong she is, until she is in hot water.
A length of Rope went into a bar, sat on a stool, and ordered a beer.
The Bartender said, "We don't serve Ropes here."
Dismayed and disappointed, the Rope went out and then got an idea.
He stopped a man and asked,
"Will you please tie a knot in me and separate my strands at both ends?".
The man obliged, and with this done, the Rope went back into the
bar and again ordered a beer.
The Bartender looked him over and said,
"Say, aren't you the same rope who was in here before?!"
"No," was the reply, "I'm a frayed knot."
05/28-29/99
4 Sale by OwnerComplete set of Encyclopedia Britannia.
45 volumes. Excellent condition.
$1,000.00 or best offer.
No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without a hard-on, make him a sandwich.
Researchers at Harvard have discovered why women love Chinese restaurants.
Wonton spelled backwards is Not Now.
Life is an endless struggle, full of frustrations and challenges,
but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place,
but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.
Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old;
you grow old because you stop laughing.
It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
Age is important only if you're cheese and wine.
The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out,
but he/she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
(Submitted by Voni)
A guy walks into a psychiatrists office wearing
Only shorts made from Saran-Wrap.
The Psychiatrist say's, "Well I can clearly see your nuts"
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A gynecologist comes home from work.
His wife asks "are you tired?" He replies "I'm Bushed"
(Submitted by EG)
1. Virginity like bubble - one prick, all gone.
2. Man who run in front of car get tired.
3. Man who run behind car get exhausted.
4. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
5. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
6. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
7. Man with one chopstick go hungry.
8. Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
9. Man who eat many prunes get good run for his money.
10. Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
11. Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.
12. War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
13. Wife who puts husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
14. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
15. It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
16. Man who drive like Hell bound to get there.
17. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
18. Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
19. Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
20. Man who farts in church sits in own pew.
21. Crowded elevator smells different to midget.
Food has replaced sex in my life; now I can't even get into my own pants.