After talking to Mel, Lori couldn't sleep. All she could think of was how much she was hurting. How much she had to be hurting Nick. And she did hope he was hurting. She wanted him to feel all the pain in the world. As much pain as she was feeling right now. She decided to write him a letter, explaining all she felt to him. She would give the letter to Brian, who would give it to him. At least, if she had the courage to give it to him. She could say a lot of stuff to a person's face, where she could see how they were going to react. But when it was something else, like writing, she got really scared, because she couldn't see how they would react.
She grabbed a pen and a piece of paper, and wrote down every thing she was thinking.
My dearest Nick,
I don't know what to say to you. The only thing I can think of right now is pain. My pain, and the pain I hope you are feeling. I want you to feel hurt. I want you to feel like you are ready to die, and the only thing that is holding you on is the love we used to share. I use 'used to' as a key phrase here. I want you to feel this pain. You know why? Because it is exactly what I am feeling right now.
I don't think you love me anymore, Nick. And I don't know what to do about it. It makes me feel so hurt, so much pain. I love you so much. But I don't think I can trust you. I know the kiss wasn't a big deal. Brian told me why. This isn't about that. It is about trust. Being completely open with one another. I thought we could tell each other everything. I thought we could be completely open with each other! I guess I was wrong.
Nick. I still love you. I don't think I will ever stop. But I don't think we can be together anymore. I don't think that I can trust you. You betrayed me with a kiss…..and with words. Words you never spoke. I will always love you Nick. Remember that. Maybe someday we can be together as one again. But not now. Goodbye, my love. Love always and forever, Lori.
She cried when she signed her name. She didn't want to cut him off forever. She wanted to love him, to hold him. To forgive him. But her mind wouldn't let her heart do it. She was always taught to think with her mind, and never listen to anything else. That is why this hurt her so much. Because she wasn't really doing what she wanted to do.