Who'd Win In A Fight?
| Special Note: Just In Case you're *such* a huge BSB or N'Sync fan that you just *can't* accept the outrageously silly idea of the boys duking it out on our imaginary battlefield, please skip this feature. We at Popstar! totally love BSB & N'Sync, now and forever. |
The Day Florida Stool Still
There are 10 soldiers locked in comba in the Popstar! arena this month, and I can't tell who's who. It's all a blur of washboard stomachs and copious amounts of hair gel. Wait! Shhh!-Is that a 10-part a cappella I hear, wafting up from the battlefield? Have the opposing sides *actually* joined together in a can't-we-all-just-get-along-and-make-millions harmony? Is that me screaming, "JC!AJ! I love you both!"
Sadly, that's how it would probably be if the Backstreet Boys and N'Sync were put to the test in hand-to-hand combat. No blood, guts or glory for these vocal wonders, just a harmonic convergence. That, plus the sweet sounds of cash register's cha-ching! and their own dreamy voices.
But join me, won't you, in imagining how it *might* be if these boys were of a more belligerent bent.
BSB & N'S.....who'd *relly* win in a fight?
The Home Turf Advantage
You might think this angle isn't even worth discussing, since both the Backstreet Boys and N'Sync hail from Orlando, Florida. Surely, they're all the happy spawn of Walt Disney World, you say. How wrong you are. It's true that both groups call Orlando HQ, but no one from N'Sync can actually call it his hometown, as revealed in Popstar! v.2 #4.
There are serious disadvantages to being strangers in a strange land: How do you know if it's ok to drink the water? Where is the very best Micky D's? Can you ever escape the terrifying, life -size Donald Duck? No matter how long they crash here, out-of towners never know the lay of hte land like the native peoples. At least *three* of the BS Boys are Orlando natives: AJ, Howie, and Nick. Brian and Kevin are both from Kentucky, but they're cousins, and that counts for something.
Backstreet Boys are definitely on more comfortable ground there.
Tough Enough?
In a particularly spine-tingling lyric, it is said that, "N'Sync is here to make you people scream." While that might be true on a number of levels ranging from teen desire to middle-aged horror, I fear that the Syncers might themselves be screaming in a brawl with BSB.
To start with, N'Sync admits to participating in a group hug before every show. That's all well and good. Boys who hug are good boys indeed. But we're evaluating them on their warrior qualities here, and touchy-feely ain't one of them. Furthermore, two members of N'Sync (psst!....Justin and JC) are former Mouseketeers. That's right, the Micky Mouse Club. This explains what they were doing in Orlando, but it also poses some new questions: Can mice fight? Can plastic ears be used as weapons? Is it possible to tap dance and enemy to death? To make matters worst, Justin is self-confessed shopaholic, and the band admits they sometimes fight about 'N Hairstyles and 'N Clothes.
The Backstreet Boys have their fair share of wimpitis. And don't assume I'm picking on Howie-he may sing falsetto, but he works out like a madman. AJ's the dodgy one-he's rarely seen without sunglasses and is fond of playing the bongos. This paints a picture of Greenwich Village beatnik circa 1958. Do you know what happened to the beatniks? They became hippies. Do you know what hippies do in a fight? Nothing!
On the pluse side, we've got Brian who postponed recent heart surgery so as not to leave BSB shorthanded at such a critical time-just prior to their awesome tour. Talk about tough! You think that guy would lose a fight to a shopaholic? I don't believe Brian when he sings, "So everybody everywhere/ Don't be afraid/ Don't have no fear!" On the contrary, I think Brian could kick some 'N Butt.
Secret Weapons
Both groups have members who are secret weapons. Can you guess who it is for N'Sync? No, it's not the sharply-named Lance. It's not even tough guy Joey from the 'hood. It's Chris. Why? I'll tell you: At 26, Chris is the oldest guy in the group, which points to something called "life experience," also known as "wisdom." That would add to Chris's fighting prowess. Unfortunately, Chris's braces have come off his teeth. If you don't know this firsthand, braces can scrape.
Backstreet Boys also have a secret weapon. It's not everyone's favorite, Nick, even though he's obsessed with comic books, which is a plus. It is the one they call "Freight", aka Kevin. Like Chris of N'Sync, Kevin is the eldest of his comrades. The rest of the group thinks he can be a big pain because he's always on the straight and narrow, ofthn telling them what to do. But you knw what? That's the stuff generals are made of. I think Kevin sees the big picture and can strategize appropriately. Once his plan is set, he just keeps rolling towards it, over all the obstacles in his path.
(Kev's not all steely determination: he actually cried at the sight of a blind boy smiling in the audience one night. So, you see, Greight has a softer side, too.)
Place Your Bets
Hopefully, BSB & N'Synce will *never* fight. After all, they're both great bands and too cute to risk those smiles.
But if it came to blows, smart money would be on the Backstreet Boys. In addition to the home turf advantage, tough streak and Freight, they've been together six whole years. N'Sync, on the other hand, has been together for less than three. I'm not sure the Syncers can replicate that kind of deeper cohesion. Out there in the trenches of touring and meet-and-greets and body waxings, soldiers bond. And the Backstreet Boys have had six years of bonding.
With some effort, both BSB and N'Sync could be smooth, well-oiled fighting machines. And there'd be no icky chest hair to interfere!