When I talk about love I mean the glue that holds the relationship between you and your family, friends and others together.  Much of what think of as love is a very poor imitation of the real thing. There are several distinct kinds and modes of love or its substitutes that are active in your life.  I want you to look at some of them here.  Try very hard to see yourself as God and others see you. Or to see yourself as you really are. It  is so easy to rationalize and not face the truth.  Here are some of the ways that you may be loving.  Do you recognize any of them?

 1. I love you for the goodness, beauty, attractiveness and grace I see in you.

I call this kind of love mere fascination.. As though persons were  only for our pleasure and entertainment. Persons who we really love are not just toys for us to fondle and admire.  When the beauty fades and the fascination wanes  this kind of love dies.
 
2. I love you for what you do or could do for me with your attractiveness, sexuality, possessions, skills, talents, education or status.

This is barter love. Let me use you for my pleasure, enjoyment and profit and I'll love you. My affections are for sale to the highest bidder.

3. I love you for the relationship that exists between us. I enjoy the attention and admiration you have for me.  I want you to enjoy me the same way. I will contribute what I can to it including sex, possessions, or status, and thereby fulfill my role as the person I see myself to be..

This is a more subtle way of using others to show off our goodness  and sacrifices so we can enjoy the praises of others and the advantages of a good relationship. This is the trap in which  many of us have been caught.  We really love "The Love relationship" rather than the "Loved one".

4. I love you because you are MINE by marriage, birth or adoption. You are MY spouse, MY sibling or MY child MY parent, MY friend.

This possessive kind of love can stifle even if it is kind and considerate and often it is not..

5. I love you if you do what I want you to do. Try to be what I want you to be. Accomplish what I expect from you. Give me all the things I want. Accept me as I am and not complain. My love is withheld when you don't meet my expectations.

Very conditional. You will recognize that these five modes of relationship are not even good imitations of the real thing. Perhaps there are other modes of  love which are also selfish, hypocritical, or deceptive; but if we recognize these I have listed we may be able to find our way
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6. I love you because of the un-alterable choice and vow I have made to love you and be faithful to you until death do us part..  I want to make you happy and to help you to become a better  or more prosperous person. (Because of my human weaknesses I may not be able to keep my promise. But I will try.)

This may be somewhat better at least it appears honest. Perhaps this love is the best that we can offer.

But there is a much better love!

It is the LOVE that God meant for you to have!
The bible describes this love in 1 Cor 13:4-7 which I paraphrase here: "Love is patient, kind, unselfish, humble, self-sacrificing, even-tempered and forgiving. It hates evil, delights in truth, protects, trusts, hopes, endures. This love is not irritable, not fault finding or vengeful, not self-centered, not boastful, not proud, not rude. It is a love that is not easily angered, carries no grudges, has no delight in evil, does not put down or blame others. It is not suspicious, does not worry, is not a pessimist, never gives up."

Have you ever met or even heard of a person who has love like that? Would you like to have a friend who knew all about you and yet loved you like that? (Read the above paragraph slowly again.)  It is the LOVE of God, The fruit of the Spirit (of God). Love, (which includes) joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Gal 5:22) It is the exact opposite and the remedy for the actions of our sinful nature which are: Sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissension, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. (Gal 5:19)

If you possessed this love you could tell your loved one " I love you because God gave you to me to love. Jesus is the first love in my life and because he bids me to love you, I will with every bit of strength and devotion I have, love you as he would love you. Because it is his will that I love you, It is my intention to do all that is within my power to do the very best I can for your benefit and welfare and never stop for any reason or for any cost.  He will supply all of His grace I need to love you in spite of every hindrance and obstacle.

This is "In spite of" love . It is the way God loves us. He loves us in spite of our sin, imperfections, waywardness and rebellion. It is his pure purpose and ultimate delight to comfort, inspire, provide for, educate, guide and love us in such a way that it will be our purpose and delight to comfort, inspire, provide for, educate, guide and love others so that they can do the same. This kind of love works in spite of every hindrance and obstacle. It loves in spite of the fact that the person is unlovable, ugly, rebellious or hateful. It is the only way they can be changed.  We can love everyone with this love that is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. Even from a human point of view, we think of love in terms of heroic acts of selfless devotion and enduring dedication to the loved one. Like a mothers love for her baby or a Soldier giving his life for his country. When love has selfish motives or hidden agendas it is not what it should be. Most of our love is like that. However, It is possible that you could recieve this  perfect  "in spite of love" in your heart!  YES !  The Almighty God, the creator; Jesus the Christ, the only Son; and The Holy Spirit of God; have planned long ago that you might have this love! Is it some heavenly lottery that offers this fabulous prize by chance or favor to a selected few? Is it for a few who have some special heritage or distinction? Is it only for those whose strong will and determination  give them the stamina to qualify? NO ! It is for "WHOSOEVER WILL", "AS MANY AS RECEIVE HIM",  "EVERYONE WHO CALLS ON HIS NAME". In this lottery every ticket wins big. Don't throw yours away.

Do you think that because so many people have rejected or ignored this offer it must not be worth having? Let me remind you that millions have accepted and no one has ever been sorry they did. They have become God's children, joint heirs with Jesus Christ, partakers of the divine nature (God's love). They are assured of a home in heaven with Jesus for eternity.  This is not a prize or a trophy  it is a free gift. It is God's amazing grace which we do not deserve but which he offers freely to all who will believe and recieve it. This offer of God's wonderful LOVE is definitely available to you!