Friggin' in the Riggin' (Jones)

It was on the good ship Venus
By Christ, ya shoulda seen us
The figurehead was a whore in bed
And the mast, a mammoth penis

The captain of this lugger
He was a dirty bugger
He wasn't fit to shovel shit
From one place to another

Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was fuck all else to do

The captains name was Morgan
By Christ, he was a gorgon
Ten times a day he'd stop and play
With his fuckin' organ

The first mate's name was Cooper
By Christ he was a trooper
He jerked and jerked until he worked
Himself into a stupor

Friggin' in the Riggin'
Friggin' in the Riggin'
Friggin' in the Riggin'
There was fuck all else to do

The second mate was Andy
By Christ, he had a dandy
Till they crushed his cock
On a jagged rock
For cumming in the brandy

The cabin boy was Flipper
He was a fuckin' n-ger
He stuffed his ass with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper

Friggin' in the Riggin'
Friggin' in the Riggin'
Friggin' in the Riggin'
There was fuck all else to do

The captain's wife was Mabel
To fuck she was not able
So the dirty shits, they nailed her tits
Across the barroom table

The Captain had a daughter
Who fell in deep sea water
And by her squeals we knew the eels
Had found 'er sexual quarters

Friggin' in the Riggin'
Friggin' in the Riggin'
Friggin' in the Riggin'
There was fuck all else to do
Friggin' in the Riggin'.....

The Good Ship Venus

‘Twas on the good ship Venus,
My God, you should ‘av seen us,
The figurehead was a nude in bed
Sucking a red hot penis.

Chorus: Frigging in the rigging,
Wanking in the planking,
Masturbating in the grating
There was fuck all else to do.

The captain’s name was Slugger
He was a dirty bugger
He wasn’t fit to shovel shit
On any bugger’s lugger.

The first mate’s name was Paul,
He only had one ball,
But with that cracker he rolled terbaccer
Around the cabin wall.

The second mate’s name was Andy
His balls were long and bandy
They filled his arse with molten brass
For pissing in the brandy.

The first mate’s name was Morgan,
He was a grisly Gorgon,
Three times a day he strummed away
Upon his sexual organ

The captain’s wife was Mabel
And whenever she was able
She gave the crew their Daily Screw
Upon the messroom table.

The captain had a daughter
Was swimming in the water,
Delighted squeals came as the eels
Entered her sexual quarter.

A cook who’s name was Freeman,
He was a dirty demon,
He fed the crew on menstrual stew
And hymens fried in semen.

Another cook was O’Malley,
He didn’t dilly dally,
He shot his bolt with such a jolt
It whitewashed half the galley.

The Boatswain’s name was Lester,
He was a hymen tester,
Through hymens thick he shoved his prick
And left it there to fester.

The engineer was McTavish
And young girls he did ravish,
His missing cock’s at Istanbul
He was a trifle lavish.

Another one was Cropper
Oh Christ he had a whopper,
Twice round the deck
Once round his neck
And up his bum for a stopper.

The cabin boy was Kipper,
A dirty little nipper,
They stuffed his arse with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper.

The ship’s dog’s name was Rover
The whole crew did him over,
They ground and ground the faithful hound
From Singapore to Dover.

The end of this narration
Came in jubilation
For they sunk the junk in a sea of spunk,
Caused by masturbation.

So now we end this serial
Through sheer lack of material,
I wish you luck and freedom from
Diseases venereal.

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