Replies

Jon Becker writes:

First off, I will agree with you that Star Wars is an entertaining movie. I saw it this past Saturday afternoon, the 5.00 show, and along with all the screaming four year olds, enjoyed watching a two hour advertisement for a really cool video game. Oooops, my cynicsm is already kicking in.

Point one, though it has nothing to do with the plot of the film, I really enjoyed the idea that movie theatres were mostly empty this weekend because no one wanted to wait in a long line or pay surcharges to see the film. Instead, or at least I hope instead, they all ended up spending some quality time talking to each other and hanging around outside. The movie is just a movie, after all, and though I saw it on a Saturday afternoon, I wouldn't recommend making a night around it.

Why not?

First off, the first twenty minutes of this movie are more complex than all hundred plus pages of Heart of Darkness. Your review included required multiple paragraphs to explain the backdrop. The scrolling text at the beginning? I can only imagine some poor parent having to quickly whisper what 'embargo' means to their eight year old. Blockades? Trade Federations? This is the source of the evil empire? For twenty minutes, I couldn't figure out who was supposed to be who, and of the whos I saw, I had no idea who they were.

For a movie that's supposed to provide the back story to later films, why does it require a knowledge of those films to be appreciated. Oh look, Jedi ambassadors. Who, as it happens, carry swords and solve any domestic disputes either through swordplay or mind tricks. Great message for the kids.

Ok, so the plots confusing. That's not so bad, as after twenty minutes it just becomes a plot of baby empire trying to take over yet another planet. Too bad I've read the first two pages of the first Star Wars book to know that Palpatine is the emporer. Not that it takes too much guessing.

What does take guessing is why there is an entire race of beings whose sole purpose is to make you scream out for subtitles. I of course refer to Jar Jar Binks and his happy band of nimwits (or Rastafarians). I actually heard lots of little kids constantly asking their parents, 'what'd he say?'. The graphics were amazing though for his race, and for a while I forgot he wasn't actually in the original shot.

Boy this is tiring.

Anyway, two more points of anger. First is the kid. Why is he, like all other movie kids, so much more capable of solving any problem than the adults? Hi, I'm ten years old, I've built my own highly complex vehicle, I race professionally with adults, and I can pilot a space ship without training. I'm also so incredibly unbelievable that I make the plot seem ludicrous.

Hey, here's an idea. I'm a Jedi whose desperately needing a part to get the hunted princess to the senate before her planet is ravaged by marauders. Do I simply take the parts I need, killing the annoying flying guy? Nope. I waste a week on a planet filled with criminals. Always a good plan.

The other point is the ending. Do the words way too easy mean anything anymore. How is it that all but three ships in Star Wars survive attacking the Death Star, but in this film, I guess the bad guys are really bad shots, because only two of the Naboo ships are shot down. Not to mention that like every other great engineering team, the Trade Federation leaves their core generators in the hangar bay. Two shots is all it takes to blow one up from the inside.

Okay, answer me this quick one. Why was there a fleet blockading the planet at the beginning of the movie, but there was only one big ship at the end. If I was going to conquer a planet, I'd make sure I had some backup. Just me.

I figure this will give you plenty to chomp on during lunch.

jon