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My Journal
 
 

In my AP English class, one of our assignments was to keep a daily journal for 3 weeks, which consisted of observations on life and other stuff. I hated the assignment at first, cuz I don't like doing extra homework, but eventually the assignment and I finally started getting along. I discovered that I like putting my thoughts on paper. Well, anyways, my teacher finally graded it and I got on A. When I read back through my journal I found that some entries were actually pretty good... so I decided to share them with you. I won't keep an updated journal on this page, however; only the ones i chose from the assignment. Note: This isn't an "I hate the world" type of journal, and I'm not a comedian, so these may not even be entertaining at all. But I don't really care, cuz I just put them on here cuz I have nothing else to put on my page. Oh yeah, and these are strictly my opinions, so if you don't agree, then keep it to yourself, cuz I don't wanna hear about it.
 

Gossip

    I hate gossip. I'm not gonna sit here and claim that I've never done it before, because I have. But I know I shouldn't. When I'm participating in gossip it may not be hurting me, but it is hurting someone else and their reputation. Half the things that people gossip about aren't even true, and someone eventually ends up getting hurt. No one really grasps that until they become the topic of discussion. Recently I discovered that I happened to be that new, exciting topic. When I heard what was being said about me, I was shocked... but not really, considering the town that I live in and how people delight in other people's business whether it's true or not. I wanted to know who those people were that thought they were so high above me to look down on me and then continue to spread around the degrading things that they assumed as the truth. I was so angry and hurt. Then I sat back to ponder the situation and realized how many times I had done the same exact thing to someone else. It made me mad at myself and also taught me a lesson that I will always remember. I learned that if you hear something degrading or whatever about someone else, that you should keep this information to yourself and let it go no further. Regardless of whether it's true or not, it's still none of YOUR business.

Followers

    Followers drive me insane. I can't stand to see people follow each other around like a mother hen and her chicks. It's so retarded. Some people just have NO individuality whatsoever. It's as if some people think that they can't survive on their own. They're like parasites feeding on their prey. It's extremely evident at school. People who don't have very much self esteem tend to flock to others who they think will somehow boost their image. It sometimes makes me laugh to watch some of these pathetic followers who just loiter around a "popular" group of people. They don't say anything, only stand there, just to be seen with the "cool" people. The "cool" people just think the followers are retarded for standing there mute, as if worshipping them. So it actually creates the reverse effect of what's being attempted. So, my theory is, be yourself. If people don't like the real you, then screw 'em.

Being Lonely

    For some odd reason I have felt extremely lonely today. It's not that I haven't had friends around me, but I guess it's the fact that I haven't been shown excessive attention today. I've noticed that when somebody wants to have a "poor, pitiful me day", then it's almost impossible to try and make their day better. Poor James. He tried his hardest to make me feel better. But I was just in one of those moods where I didn't want to be consoled. I probably made him feel bad, but he most likely got over it. Another thing I've noticed is that people that actually care about somebody will go out of their way to make them feel better if they're down. For example, yesterday James brought me a rose and put it in a vase in my room when I wasn't home. He didn't tell me about it, he just let me find it. It made me smile. He made me feel better, probably because I delighted in the fact that he showed attention towards me... which reverts back to my original thesis.

Holding Grudges

    "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." This phrase wasn't just placed in the Bible for kicks. It was put there to be followed and to be applied to the lives of the people who abide by the teachings of it. And it seems like such a reasonable rule, that it should be considered a universal rule. Anyway, the point of all that was to sort of give a little background information about my observation of the day. I've figured out that grudges can totally ruin a friendship, even between really good friends who've been close for years. When someone is angry at someone else, they should let them know why and then try to resolve the problem instead of dragging it out. After it's been dragged out for a long period of time, being mad at each other becomes a chore... because it'd be "horrible" to just actually forget about the whole thing since you're, in reality, not actually mad anymore. That would be like giving in. God forbid you do that. Grrrrrrr.... I hate that so much. It's as if pride gets in the way, and that's just stupid.

Responsibility

    As much as I hate responsibility, I've reluctantly come to the conclusion that it is in fact a prideful accomplishment.  I don't usually take on too many responsibilities for fear that I might be irresponsible and let people down. Plus, I'm just a total slacker so I don't like doing much more than I have to. However, once in a while, I do happen to get ambitious and find myself taking on a new responsibility. Note that this is an extremely rare occasion. An example of this is when I volunteered to run for an officer position in Key Club. I won the vote and found myself stacked with new responsibilities. So now I'm in charge of dues and any other project concerning money... money being the key word here. Money equals responsibility. Plus, I have to organize everything, turn stuff into the bookkeeper, make sure everyone has paid their dues, etc. Today after I completed one of those tasks, I was actually overwhelmed with pride. I felt like such an adult for being so responsible. So I've learned that sometimes you've just got to step out and take on responsibilities and if you complete your assigned tasks, you'll be rewarded in the end.

Kindness

    Amongst all the bitterness and selfishness of this world, genuinely nice people do actually exist. I was in the senior lounge with Mrs. Peters class today. We were making tortillas. There were tables placed sporadically around the room, but all the chairs were stacked against the wall. I brought a chair over to sit in, but then I got up to make my tortilla and someone took my seat. So, I just went over and sat on the floor next to my chair and ate my tortilla. I really didn't care that my chair had been taken so I just joined in on conversation and ignored the fact that I was on the floor. After about 5 or 10 minutes of sitting on the floor, I saw a guy that's in our class,  a 10th grader who I've never even talked to, actually I don't even know his name, anyway... I saw him get up from his chair, walk over to the wall, grab a chair from the wall and bring the chair over to me and set it down. I looked up at him and asked if it was for me. He nodded and I took the chair while watching him walk back over to his chair and sit down. I was totally overwhelmed with shock of his kindness. That was soooooo incredibly nice. I had no idea that random acts of kindness could have such an effect on a person.

Everything Happens For a Reason

    I've always worried myself with things such as "what if so-and-so dies before they get to experience this..." yeah, ok, that sounded pretty morbid... but I didn't intend for it to. Anyway, and I also find myself questioning why bad things happen to good people. It makes me so angry and confused to see a once healthy marriage be torn apart, or a lifelong friendship be ripped to shreds. I also hate to see young people lose their lives. But, I've come to the conclusion that everything happens for a reason. Once one door is shut, another door will open; which is kind of a sort of inspiration for those involved in such tragedies. Although, at the time, people are confused, later on down the line they'll be able to see the reason for the tragedy that they endured. Therefore, when tragedy strikes, don't dwell on it. Move on with your life; better things are yet to come.

Hiding Behind Masks

    I've discovered that many people hide behind masks throughout their lives. Some people suffer from depression, insecurity, low self esteem, etc... but they try not to let anyone know that they do. When they go out in public, they mask themselves with a "happy-go-lucky" face so that nobody will pry into their lives and discover their true feelings. I have a friend like that. Everyday she wears her happy mask while out in public. I can see through it though, maybe because I've known her so long. It's actually really sad that she obviously feels she no friends that are close enough to her that she can tell her problems to. I see that as very unhealthy. There's no way that she can ever be truly happy is she has all those sad emotions bottled up inside. It's not like she's the only person like that. I'm sure there are millions of other people just like her... but how can we identify them if they insist on constantly hiding themselves behind masks? It is a sad situation, but there's really nothing I can do about it.

Obstinate People

    Being obstinate has to be the most annoying quality in the world. People who are obstinate just deserve a punch in the face. They think they are just THE perfect person and that they are always right. There's a guy in my first period class who just thinks he knows EVERYTHING. It drives me insane! He's such a complete jerk. If anyone challenges his opinion on anything, the boy just goes crazy. He needs to grow up. However, now that I think about it, growing up really has nothing to do with being obstinate. Take my chemistry teacher for example. He's the most obstinate man I've ever met. The minute any student challenges his opinion, he immediately cuts them off and allows no more talking on their part; I guess maybe because he has too much pride to possibly be proved wrong. But whatever the problem, it makes me want to totally spaz out on him. But I can't because he's the teacher and I'm the student... yeah, yeah, yeah...

Love

    Love is a very powerful word. This simple four letter word can mean so much. Love is not only a noun, but a verb. Love is the feeling you have for the people you care the most about... people you'd die for. Love is an awesome experience; an experience that many claim they'll never be able to participate in. I feel that everyone is entitled to love... they just have to find it. Once it is found, love is one of the most precious things in life. Love is what makes life worth while. Sharing love with another person is a beautiful thing. When you love somebody, you'll be there for them through thick and thin. You'll laugh together and cry together. I believe true love is the key to happiness.

Parents

    After spending countless hours with my parents, due to no James and no internet (I'm at my aunt's house for Thanksgiving and James is in New York), I've had time to ponder my relationship with my parents. I have a wonderful relationship with them; a bond that most teenagers aren't able to experience. Unlike many teens, I consider my parents pretty cool and I actually enjoy spending time with them. They treat me fairly and give me enough freedom to have fun. They are protective, but not over protective. They trust me; that means a lot to me. Trust is an important issue to me and I delight in the fact that they trust me. I am also able to talk to them when I need to and they're always willing to supply me with advice when I need it. They support me... and they're proud of me. It's an awesome feeling to know that people are proud of you. I love my parents and I'm not ashamed to admit it... which I think is pretty cool.

Life is Unpredictable

    I've come to the conclusion that life is extremely unpredictable. Anything could happen at any moment. I'm just a big worrier and ever since James has been in New York I've had excessive amounts of time to think... or let my mind wander dangerously, rather. There's always a fear in the back of my mind when James goes out of town, like "what if his plane goes down? how would I react?... yada yada yada..." But in reality, you really actually never know what tomorrow may bring. So I say, live life to it's fullest. Cherish the time that you spend with people, especially the ones you love. Do things that are risky; be daring. Go places that you really want to visit. Don't wait and say, "Oh I'll do that in a few years..." because you may not be around in a few years. You never know when life may throw you a curve ball.

Friends

    I've realized recently just exactly how important friends are. For some strange reason, I feel that lately I've lost a few of my very close friends due to a lack of a trust. As a result of losing those friends, I feel as though I've lost a TON of friends. I actually feel friendless, which is stupid, because when I sit down and think about it, I really do have a lot of good friends who would do almost anything for me. I love hanging out with friends who have an awesome sense of humor. Friends who are constantly laughing and having a good time are the best to hang out with. If I've had a bad day, or I'm just in a terrible mood, their laughter lightens the mood and makes me feel so much better. It's so much fun to just sit around and act stupid, watch scary movies, or just have interesting "girl talks". I'm not saying that all good friends are girls though, because they're not. I cherish my guy friends because they have perspectives on things that differ from those of girls. And it's just cool to have guy friends. Friends are a necessity in life. How sad this world would be without them.

Religion

    Religion is a big issue where I live. I like visiting other churches other than my own because I like observing how other people worship. There are so many denominations of Christianity that it sometimes becomes confusing. I'm a Baptist, but only because I was brought up that way. I've discovered that, as a personal belief, it doesn't matter how you choose to worship, you're still worshipping the same God and that's all that matters. That's why I hate to see people of different denominations bash those who worship differently. I find that so immature.  And on a slightly different note, I've observed that religious people classify non religious people as people who need to fill a void in their lives. But the funny thing is, that non religious people view religious people as people who need to fill a void in their lives and that's why they're religious... Well I found that quite interesting and well worth writing about.

Death

    I've thought a lot about death lately. Maybe because of all the deaths we've suffered lately. We, our community, have lost lost Nathan Hannon, Brian Neely's mom, Tyrell Acree, and many others this year. A death that had a huge impact on our school and community was that of Nathan Hannon. He was so young and so involved in EVERYTHING. It was interesting to observe people while they tried to cope with his death. Some people mourned continuously for days and days, crying non stop. Others were happy that he is in a better place. Some just chose to dwell on the good times they spent with him while he was still here. It's intriguing how people deal with death in general. Some people even choose to find a humorous side to death, maybe to lighten the mood for everyone else. Death is something that everyone has to deal with; and everyone must find their own way of coping with it. 

Talents

    God has given each person on this earth a talent... whether it be singing, playing an instrument, sports, art, teaching, whatever; it's important. Talents are very special gifts that should be treasured as a most valuable possession. I believe God has given me many talents and it's so awesome to be able to use the talents he's given me. I think it's a real shame to see people hide their talents and not share them with anyone... I consider that pure selfishness. God gave us talents to use and to glorify him with them. I've really noticed how blessed I am to have received from him the gift of singing. This week our youth group has been practicing for our Christmas program and I was assigned many singing parts in the production. It's such an honor to know that God chose me to give that talent to.
 
 

***Now that I've skimmed through a lot of these that I put on here, I sound like more of a motivational speaker than an average whiny teenager... haha. Oh well.