Tantra: The Art Of Conscious Loving Author: Charles and Caroline Muir
Couples who want to sustain love and passion for a lifetime
together, and who are open to new ways to make their sexual relationship richer
and more meaningful, may find some valuable lessons in an ancient discipline
known as Tantric sex. The Tantric lifestyle derives from a series of Hindu books
containing sexual rituals, exercises and meditations. These ancient books were
written in the form of a dialogue between the Hindu god Shiva and Shakti, his
female consort.
Tantra is a spiritual system, and in the Tantric
teachings, sexual love is a sacrament. But Tantra's goals are more exalted and
broader in scope than simply to accomplish proficiency in sex. The ultimate goal
is union with God, the cosmic consciousness, or whatever your words are for a
higher power. Tantra can elevate a couple's relationship to the level of art; we
refer to it as the art of conscious loving. What follows are some of the basic
principles and exercises in Tantric sex--steps that all lovers can follow in
their dance of love.
- The Dance of Love
Focusing one's mind on
one's partner and nurturing the relationship are at the heart of conscious
loving. Therefore, the act of love is performed quite literally with
premeditation. Conscious lovers ritually designate a time for loving trysts.
They prepare themselves mentally for their lovemaking and prepare a place to
assure privacy and comfort. They bathe and prepare their bodies for the delight
and delectation of the other.
In the dance of love, each step has two aspects, the receptive yin and the
active yang. And each step has seven gradations or levels of expression from the
slowest and most gentle or most yin, to the fastest and firmest or most yang.
This yin/yang concept is really the foundation on which the love dance rises to
its astonishing heights. Another important element of Tantric sex is the
concept of chakras, or disks of energy that correspond to specific areas of the
body--the base of the spine, the genitals, behind the navel, the heart, the
throat, between the eyebrows, and the crown of the head.
Each one of the
seven chakras represents a different natural human desire--to possess, to
copulate, to achieve, to love, to communicate, to understand, and finally to
ascend--to exceed ourselves by touching God. The Tantric way uses these natural
urges in men and women as the basis for establishing a continuously passionate
loving relationship.
- Step One: Kisses
Kisses can range from a
superficial peck on the cheek to a deep, soul-shaking experience. Kissing is
especially recommended on the seven energy centers, front and back, as well as
any other part of the body. Kisses should run the seven- level gamut of
expression from yin to yang, from softest to firmest, and from most shallow to
deepest.
There are five basic methods for kissing mouth to mouth, and
they also apply when delivered to any part of the body. Lipping is the kissing
technique partners use to contact the soft, moist inside of each other's upper
and lower lips, as well as the drier, rougher-textured outside. Tasting uses the
tongue to lick the lover's lips, to touch the inner cheek, exploring the upper
palate, or to caress the other's tongue. Love bites are little nibbles on the
inside and outside of the other's lips. The sucking and blowing kisses are a
kind of inhalation and exhalation against the lover's lips or chakra areas and
across any expanse of skin.
An especially potent kiss is known as the
kiss of the upper lip. Your lover sucks gently on your upper lip, using his or
her tongue and lips to draw in on the frenulum, which stretches from the inside
of the upper lip to the point on the gum directly above the two front teeth. As
your partner sucks your upper lip, you suck your partner's lower lip,
visualizing the subtle channel that runs from the frenulum to your clitoris.
Once the channel opens as a conduit for sexual energy, you may be able to
experience deep clitoral stimulation--even orgasm from the kiss
alone.
The receiving of kisses is as important as the giving of them.
Remember that in conscious loving, partners continually change roles as active
and receptive lovers, and it is suggested that you share these roles
equally.
- Step Two: The Conscious Touch
Touching might be called
kissing with the hands. If you can imagine an energetic flow coming from your
hands and fingers when you touch another person, you will be able to connect on
a deeper energetic level. Touch your lover everywhere, especially on the seven
chakra centers. Employ the seven levels of speed and pressure, from the most yin
or slowest and lightest, barely brushing the skin of your lover, to the most
yang or fastest and strongest. Alternate yin and yang strokes as well as types
of touches.
The static touch is performed by resting both hands upon your
lover and not moving at all. As your hands lie still, you consciously direct
energy from your right hand into and through your lover, then you accept it back
into your left hand. The moving touch travels in short or long strokes across
the skin or in specific patterns (circles, spirals, triangles, crosses, etc.).
Squeezing includes a kneading touch and gentle pinching. Scratching with the
fingernails or tips of the fingers, like love bites, is usually preferred more
yin than yang, with most couples preferring to stop at around level five.
Tapping or slapping can arouse great passion, and there are obviously certain
parts of the body that are more suited to receive this kind of touch than
others. But again, be conscious of your lover's level of tolerance. Tantra does
not promote masochism or sadism, as this is a dance, not a fight.
There
is another yin/yang aspect to touching. As you pleasure your partner with your
touch, you also receive sensual pleasure from the contact. Consider it the other
side of the touch, delighting the feel of your lover's skin against your hand,
its texture, its softness or hardness, its warmth and the energy it emits. Your
hand, active as it is touching, is also receptive as it is feeling.
Once
again, these various means of touching require the conscious participation of
both partners as givers and receivers. For instance, when a man bestows a long,
smooth caress with the palm of his hand over his beloved's back and down to her
buttocks, squeezes the flesh of her buttocks, and continues down her thighs with
the slightest possible brushing of his fingertips, he is consciously trying to
arouse her passion--her Shakti, or sexual electricity--with his touch. But no
matter how good his technique or how loving his caress, if she is not
consciously receptive or if her mind is a million miles away, nothing will
happen. The receiver must be as aware of the gift being offered as the giver is
of bestowing it, because ultimately it is the mind that directs the touch, and
it is the mind that accepts it.
- Step Three: 1,001 Movements
When
describing the steps in the dance of love, it helps to communicate using words
with a positive spiritual connotation. Tantrists use old Sanskrit words to
describe the male and female genitalia: lingam for the male sexual organ,
meaning literally a "wand of light," or God's organ; and yoni to describe the
female genitalia, literally translated as "sacred space." If touching is the
hand's way of loving, and kissing is the mouth's, pelvic movement is the way the
lingam and yoni demonstrate love. We call it the 1,001 movements because in the
Tantric texts, 1,001 means infinite. This part of the dance is not for men only,
because while it is his organ that dances, it is her yoni it dances with. In
this aspect of the dance of love, as in all the others, the partners alternate
the lead.
Just as the kissing and touching steps of the dance of love
have a variety of yin and yang expressions, so too do the 1,001 movements.
Although the lingam is a yang organ during intercourse, it must manifest both
yin and yang energy. It can express the seven levels of gradation by varying
depth and speed. The lingam's most yin expression of depth is the shallowest--
teasing or rubbing against the vaginal lips; a little more yang penetrates just
a little deeper, with the most yang expression manifesting the deepest
contact.
Even no movement
can become powerfully yang when the man uses his lingam
while he is inside to pulse, tighten or flex. A woman can also become expert in
lingam manipulation for her own pleasure, as well as for the delight of her
partner.
In addition to the back-and-forth sexual motion, Tantrists also
use circular pelvic movements and side-to-side movements. These variations are
very pleasurable for both partners. Because they don't encourage ejaculation, as
the typical in-and-out motion does, these movements can help to make lovemaking
last longer.
Angle of entry also influences pleasure. Varying the angle
of entry allows the lingam to contact places it may never have touched before,
and the yoni to experience levels of feeling it may never have known. And don't
neglect the angle of exit, which need not be the same.
In addition to
these three steps, there are many other Tantric techniques that can heighten the
sexual experience.
Reaching New Heights Of Pleasure To increase
the length and power of your orgasm, start to inhale (as slowly as possible)
about halfway into its peak. The building-up feeling of climax will continue for
as long as you can sustain the inhalation. When you begin to release the breath,
do so with as much sound as possible. Really sing out. Don't be afraid of your
neighbors hearing you--you may inspire them. More important, the volume of your
sound influences the volume and the depth of your orgasm. You want to stay in
control of the sound and not use it up too fast. The orgasm will last as long as
you continue to vocalize it in your exhalation. With practice, both men and
women can learn to keep the orgasm going for more than one complete breath, up
to four or six, and possibly more.
The moral of the story is if you
practice breathing exercises to strengthen your lungs and improve your lung
capacity, you'll have much longer orgasms, because you will be able to make
longer inhalations and exhalations.
Also there can be even more to these
orgasms than extraordinary length. When you open the fifth chakra throat center
with sound, you can reverse the direction of your orgasmic energy, which has
been mostly flowing south, toward the second chakra, the genitals. Opening the
fifth chakra is like unveiling a magnet. In some cases, the force of the fifth
chakra's "magnet" is powerful enough to pull your orgasmic energy into the sixth
chakra, the area of the "third eye" between the eyebrows, and up even further
into and out of the seventh chakra, or the crown of the head.
Such
explosive occurrences are profoundly moving, both physically and spiritually.
They are considered enlightening experiences to Tantrists, leading to the
ultimate Tantric goal of unity.
Stimulating The Sacred Spot Like
the clitoris, the sacred spot (we know it as the G-spot), is a pole for sexual
fulfillment in women. Deep inside and protected, the sacred spot is capable of
producing the most profound physical and psychic pleasure. But because it is
hidden so deep inside, it is often a receptacle for storing all manner of
hurtful things associated with sexuality. If that is the case, the spot's
negative charge can be shocking--and it is important to know this when you begin
the process of arousing it. If a woman has had painful experiences with sex,
either physically or emotionally, her first contact with the spot may be
unpleasant and even slightly painful. If she and her loved one persevere slowly
and tenderly however, the sore spot inside her will heal, and with it her past
wounds.
The first few times you experiment, the man should begin by using
only one finger to make contact. We suggest the ring finger, which is said to
have harmonic affinity with the second chakra (the genitals), and is smaller
than the index or middle finger. He should slip his finger in gently, and then
curl it so the pad of the first joint touches the ceiling of the yoni. Using the
same crooked-finger gesture as "come here," your partner slowly pulls the finger
foward along the ceiling toward the front of the yoni, as if returning to the
clitoris. Somewhere in this forward stroke--usually about halfway between the
back of the pubic bone and the clitoris, in the area of the front wall toward
the opening-- both lovers will be able to distinguish the sacred
spot.
The heart of the sacred spot does not actually lie on the wall, but
can be felt through it, and its texture is different from the smooth, silky
tissue around it. The sacred spot feels tougher and ridged, or bumpy like the
nipple's areola when aroused, or like the mouth's upper palate. The sacred spot
varies in size from that of a pea to a half dollar. It swells when stimulated,
rising slightly in the middle.
The sacred spot can usually take more
intense stimulation for longer periods than the clitoris can. In the beginning
though, you must be extremely gentle. The goal should be to charge the sacred
spot with positive power, and to afford her a healing or pleasurable touch. The
man should not think about orgasm now. The woman should try not to think at all.
She should concentrate on feeling. For her this is a sensory rather than a
cerebral pursuit.
Creating Harmony: The Nurturing Meditation The
nurturing meditation is one of the simplest yet most profound of the Tantric
secrets for sustaining love's energy in a relationship. It allows couples to
communicate on at least three levels: on the conscious level, skin to skin; on
the respiratory level, breath to breath; and on the most subtle level, chakra to
chakra. Over a period of time such regular communication creates a kind of
synergy between the partners' chakras.
Couples lie together spoon fashion
on their left sides (for reasons of energy flow, according to the Tantric
texts). Whoever feels the most in need of nurturing, whoever has experienced the
most stress that day, should take the inside.
As you lie together, close
your eyes and relax. Quiet your mind by focusing on deep breathing. After a
while, become aware of your partner's breath. Two breathing techniques may be
performed in this position. The first, used during the first few minutes of the
meditation, is called the harmonizing breath. The couple inhales together, holds
the breath together, exhales together, and repeats. During this harmonizing
breath, the partner on the inside is the receptive body, accepting energy
through the back and into the chakras with each exhalation, and filling up with
that energy with each inhalation. The second breathing technique is called the
reciprocal charging breath. This time, one partner breathes in as the other
breathes out. During the several seconds that the breath is held, one partner
will be holding the inhalation, while the other the exhalation. As you practice
the reciprocal charging breath, be conscious of the energy your partner is
imparting to you as well as the energy you are giving back.
Before you go
on to whatever you have planned for the rest of the day, look at each other.
Look into each other. Don't speak, just gaze upon the face of your partner with
whom you now feel so well-connected. Notice the light that radiates from your
lover's eyes. This light is another by-product of the nurturing meditation. It
is the light of love that comes when harmony exists.
Eye
Contact Closing the eyes during lovemaking is common among Westerners,
but among Tantrists it is considered to eliminate potential for a much deeper
bonding. Closing the eyes shuts out the lover and creates darkness during what
is a potentially enlightening experience. Conscious lovers should try to
maintain contact with each other in as many ways as possible during their
lovemaking, and the eyes offer perhaps the most important way of doing so. In
Tantric loving, the eyes are considered a primary organ of intimacy. They are
not only the gateway, but also a means of extending and receiving energy,
especially from the fourth chakra, from the heart.
The Couple As A
Team Remember that the ultimate goal of the Tantric teachings is unity.
Sex is one of the most basic, pleasurable ways of achieving unity, but the
principles or Tantra can be applied in other areas of life as well. Tantric
couples often meditate together. They share their thoughts, dreams, fears, hopes
and fantasies. They work together--they may share a career, as we do, or they
may do the dishes together or garden together or clean out the garage as a team.
No matter what work you do as a couple, collaboration is a cornerstone of a good
relationship. Working together on a project or at a job is symbolic of working
on the relationship--paying attention to it and in so doing, paying it homage.
As you work together, whether it be on a mundane chore or on some inspired
creative endeavor, you will also be working together toward the goal of harmony,
that honeyed atmosphere in which love grows and passion is an eternal
flame.
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