In the avenues of the "heart," There's all kinds of catagories the road to it leads. There's heartache, heartbreak, unrequited hearts and so fourth and so on. Every one need "someone" to talk to, to tell their inner most thoughts or just to have some one who care. I've often been told that this is where my calling is, well now, I "am" heeding that call.
I've been receiving "lots" of e-mails with so many questions and to those who have written to me, both for me to answer you here on my site, as well as those who requested to remain anonymous, I "thank you for believeing in me, for having "faith" in my ability to answer your questions, and for bringing my project to life. To those of you who are just learning of this portion of my site, I'd like to encourage you to submit your questions to me. I'll do my best to help, but most of all, I will "always" answer truthfully.
I will always give you my responses to the very "best" of my knowledge. So, before you make that hasty decision, take that plunge before thinking, take that drink you know you really don't need.. won't you talk to me? I am sure that I can help, if you let me. If you prefer to remain anonymous, "please" do so, however watch for your answer here in this section of my site.
I will list questions on my site, along with my responses to them. I do this because there may be someone else going through the same problem you are, and your answer may be just what "he or she" needed to hear. I "am" your Ann Landers of the Internet, but my letters read, Dear Elia.
Thank you for "believeing" and please, pass my dearelia email address on to anyone you know who may need help, is confused, or may just need somebody, anybody... to "listen"....
Dear Elia,
I heard about you from a friend and at first I wasn't sure I should write but decided I would.I am having a big problem at home and I am thingking about running away. Nobody listens to me nobody understands me. I'm 14 and Iam old enough to know right from wrong, but how can I proove it if nobody will listen..thanks.Kan
My Response:
Dear Kan, sounds to me like you are really having a rough transistion period. The teenage stage is like making gravy, sometimes it's thick and sometimes it's thin, but you don't just stop trying, you work at it until it comes out right. That's with most things in general. Running away won't solve the problem, it will just "change" how you look at things and even the outcome will be different. You weren't specific about the kinds of problems you are having at home, but if it's a parent related one, you should "try" to talk to your mum dad or both as best as you can. If that doesn't work discuss your problem with someone you "know" will relay your message (people "do" talk) and parents talk amongst themselves. Write a letter to your parent(s) and tell them "what's" bothering you, and "mail" it! but don't do something like running away that you are sure to regret later on. If yours' is a more "serious" problem, the reason you want to leave home, then "TELL SOMEONE" don't just sit on it, and as quickly as you can.
I hope this response has helped you, but should you need more direct help, you may contact me and put PRIVATE in your subject area, and I will not post your question nor my reply here. Do "think" about what I've just said here and let me know how things turned out.
Dear Elia,
After 16 years of marriage I've found out that my husband has been having an affair. I followed him and since then I've been going through his pants pockets every chance I get. I found a phone number,no name just a number and I want to phone but I am not sure if I should. He doesn't know I know he's messing around on me and I want to tell him that too but don't know if I should.How would you handle this situation, I don't know what to do right now..
Cheated On In Chicago.
To Cheated on In Chicago,
Boy what a heck of a way to find out! you say that you go through his pants at night? what is the purpose of doing that, especially since you already suspect what he's doing? Sixteen years is a very long time to have snored in someones face. I don't believe you are thinking clearly because of what you have discovered. You really should bring this matter to your husbands attention, treading as softly as possible when you do. Many men tend to react very differently when they are confronted about such things, some even become violent upon finding out they have been discovered. You failed to mention "love" in your e-mail to me, do you love your husband? if the answer is yes, then that is all the more reason to talk to him, find out what is wrong and then fix it "together," you won't know until you do confront him. Ither way, sooner or later there will "have" to be confrontation, the matter is to serious an issue "not" to have one. If those sisteen years have counted for "anything" then he will at least listen. You left out so many crucial details in your e-mil. Do you two have children? is this the first time that you know of that he has ever done something of this nature? have "you" ever been unfaithful? many of these questions would weigh heavily on my what my actual response would be under these circumstances.
without that info you are getting a partial response which may "not" even be the one you need judging the situation.
The pants pocket checking really should stop though, you are sitting there with a number that you haven't called, because in reality, you "really" don't want to phone it, and you really "shouldn't".
You didn't need me to tell you that one. Trust is a huge word in "any" relationship, without that you have nothing much going for you as partners. One trust has already been violated, he did that when you followed him, and that will be very hard for you to get back.
However, if you are willing and "ready" to "CONFRONT," and he is willing to "LISTEN" and accept full responsibility for "his" part of the break down in your marriage, then you two have a chance, but you have to be willing to remember a 2 syllable word that is so important in everyday living, but more so in a marriage, and that's "FORGIVENESS."
If you can carry that with you throughout this very difficult ordeal and start from that moment on a "new," then it would all have been a very valuable lesson for the both of you. However, if after confronting him you still can't see past his indiscretion, then you should both seek Marital counseling. Sixteen years is a very long time and I am sure you have both shared and gone through so much with eachother. Think, "before" you toss it.
Responses To:
Unhappy in Ill. I agree with you, it isn't always easy being the "heavy" but sometimes that is what you have to be. You have to remember that "love" is the key factor in your situation and it's what has held you both together during your past problems. From what you've told me, this time really is no different from the others, just the problems have gotten bigger. Stick it out and most importantly talk it out "together" and putting both your heads together you should be able to come to some helpful conclusions for yourselves. Blame does neither one of you any good, and will eventually destroy your relationship! Good luck to you and keep me posted...
Addicted in FL.
your letter has been the most interesting one yet, but I have to admit, yes, I have heard of people addicted to sex. In my opinion it's more of a dependency than an addiction. You are clearly looking for love, and wanting to "be loved" but at the same time you are going about things the wrong way. Which can also be hazardous to your health. You really need to "cool" down for awhile, take a rest. I know your body has to be tired! do something good for and to yourself for a change. Happiness does not come in the form of sex, and sex is just that. However the making love is an unspeakable connection between the two parties involved. It's the "Ultimate" closeness one can acheive and the spirituality of the act itself comes from two hearts and two souls. What you are experiencing is a relentless effort to obtain something in a fashion that you will never get that way. You are a better person than that, I felt that in your e-mail and you sure do deserve to be kinder to yourself.So "please" at least think about what you are giving away, and what it is you "really" are looking for then find another avenue to satisfy your desires and perhaps find love in the process. If all else fails seek professional help with this matter so that you can be all you can be, and not give all you have "away." I'll keep you in my prayers...
Confused In FL:
You have every reason to be indecisive, an ultimatium like that is rather hard to "swallow." If he really feels that way, have you ever thought maybe now isn't the time? that kind of pressure only can harbor ill feelings in the end. Talk with him some more on the subject, and if he still insists it's his way or no way, then maybe you should really do some reconsidering of your own. The last thing you need right now is "that" kind of pressure. Good Luck to you...
