May-December 1999
December 6, 1999
Ok, so maybe I found things to keep me occupied during my Psych rotation, after all! Since I've last checked in, my Noles beat the Gators and are Sugar Bowl bound, (woo hoo!) I stuffed myself with 8 pounds of turkey and green bean casserole over Thanksgiving break, I finished up my Psych rotation, and the Gators lost the SEC championship to Alabama (bwahahahahaha!) Precisely in that order! Now that you are caught up on the significant happenings in my life (yes, it is a roller coaster, is it not?) I shall now plunge into the present. I just started my Neurology rotation today. So far, so good. I think that the people on my team are fairly laid back. Not a gunner in the bunch as far as I can tell, but you never know about those "stealth" gunners. We have 2 weeks, then Christmas break, and then 2 more weeks after we come back followed by the tests for BOTH the psych and neuro rotations. This means that Kelley needs to estudiar mucho in the next 2 weeks, since she will likely not be touching the books over the holidays! I have tons of shopping to do, errands to run, Christmas cards to write, and did I mention, tons of shopping to do? I have been so spend-happy ever since the purchase of the almighty treadmill (which is up and running thanks to my Kevin, treadmill-putter-together extrordinaire!) I also must convince myself to work out for at least an hour every night that I can this week, so I won't be feeling guilty about all of the naughty food and drink I will be consuming over the holidays...hee hee. I'm interested to see how a certain friend situation is going to pan out in my life here in good old Miami. I've decided to stop overextending myself to a certain ungrateful bud of mine, and instead to wait and see if I am worth the effort to this person. Too soon to tell, but I'm afraid my instincts are on target with saying this friend is a permanent write off. I'm tired of trying. It's interesting to find out who your true friends are (and are not!) In other news? Kevin graduates on December 18th! Yayay! It seems that he may be down here with me as soon as January. Keeping my fingers crossed. It's almost too good to be true, I think. Things in my life are going to change a lot in the upcoming year 2000. I believe I said it before, and I shall say it again, I have this funny feeling that Y2K is going to be a banner year for me. I hope my hunch is right. Less than a month to go! The treadmill is calling my name, so I am off for the time being....stay tuned...don't give up on me just yet!
November 16, 1999
I've kept you in suspense for far far too long, haven't I? I mean, last you heard from me, I was drowning in Internal Medicine hell. Did I live? Did I slip into a school induced coma for the last 2 months? Did I finally crack up and lose my wits entirely? Did I EVER get in touch with Merin??? Truth be told, all of the above in some measure. Long story short, I took a major hiatus from hashing out my life in the journal, but guess what?? I'm now on Psychiatry rotations, and I have nothing but TIME on my hands! Not that I'm complaining, mind you, not a bit. I am in my second week of Psych rotations, and let me tell you, I have more time than I know what to do with! So, I'm back, like it or not! I know you'll be shocked to hear that besides being on a different rotation, not much has changed in my life. My med school friends are still more a pain in the ass than fun, I still procrastinate incessantly in everything that I do, I still have no idea what I am going to be when I grow up, I still (unfortunately) hate Miami, and Kevin is still a complete angel! (Happy 22 months, baby, the roses are beautiful!) So, you are now caught up...wasn't a hard trip, was it? In more exciting news, I am now the proud owner of a treadmill. It is still in the UPS shipping box, since I have no tools in my place with which to put it together. Nope, not even a screwdriver. Kevin is coming this weekend to rescue me from my assembly-required ignorance and to pin me down to the couch and cover my mouth to stop me from screaming at the TV during the FSU/UF game this weekend. (Shame on you for thinking those gutter thoughts, y'all, what did you THINK I was talking about, hmmmm?) Last night we gathered most of the old crowd together and had multiple beers at our Monday night watering hole. I think I am going to retire from being the social director. I get too stressed out when people aren't considerate of my planning and show up hours after they are supposed to be there. It's not worth the high blood pressure, ya know? Today, on my lovely Psych rotation, we had morning clinics and 2 subsequent lectures which were cancelled. Therefore, I am home very very early, and at a loss for what to do with myself. I have a magnificent headache, brought on by the very loud and heated discussion about a patient's medication...all in very rapid, fluent Spanish. Did I mention that I have no grasp of Espanol whatsoever? It was horrific. My head hasn't stopped pounding since. I can't wait to move somewhere where they speak the language of the country they are so all fired anxious to come to. I hate it that I am missing out on a learning experience because people refuse to learn English, God forbid. They're only LIVING and BENEFITTING from this great country, why on earth should they bother to learn the LANGUAGE??? Grrrr. Ok, enough about that, I'm getting riled up. Anyways, I am back, with a vengeance, to my journal....at least for the next month or so! Until we meet again....adios!
September 6, 1999
Oh I should should should be studying. Yes I should. Nevermind that I studied a good part of today, this Labor Day holiday, I still have 2 more Erbella topics to go over (and over and over) before I have reached my study goal for today. So why can I not focus? It's almost compulsive, I think. My brain is rebelling. Test is on FRIDAY. Oral examinations, just you and the physicians who know imminently more than you....hello? Nope, nothing. Brain is tired. I will get through renal failure and jaundice TONIGHT, leaving only 4 topics to re-review for tomorrow. I will. THEN it is super-memorization time. Ok. It helps to get these racing thoughts into text. I fear that my life and this journal have become too boring for words, but you GUYS, my life is BORING right now. Med school is not glamorous at all. We work (and I do mean WORK) from 7-5 (or later) then are supposed to go study for these impossible tests. Trust me, don't go into medicine unless you LOVE IT. I mean it. Hmmmmm, what else is new in my world? Not much, I guess. My friend Harry and his health are worrying me, and I'm tired of worrying about Josh. He obviously needs more help than my limited expertise can supply. I will stop letting my friends drag me down with them. I have to. I deserve better than that! Charlotte and I were musing about our friends in med school this week. We constitute perhaps the most laid back (maybe too laid back) part of our class. As a result, some of us have repeated years, quit med school for computer science, or taken a year off to spend in Ireland (I wish I could do that, Glen!) If I weren't so hell bent on getting out of this city, I'd consider taking some time off too. I'm burnt, have been for a while. It will be better once Kev finally gets here. I really believe that. Been thinking about Merin this weekend...dying to know how her weekend turned out, just dying. (Hear me Merin? DYING? WRITE SOON) Enough of my incessant chatter for now, the kidney is calling me...Kelley, see how many ways I can fail....pre-renal, intrinsic, post renal....aaaaaacccckkkkk! Save me!
August 24, 1999
I know, I know, it has been a long damn time since I've written! Yes, I've been *that* busy. I've been a horrible journal keeper, a very not on time bill payer, and a fairly terrible friend, and it doesn't help that so many of my friends' birthdays are in August! I'm usually so on top of things, but I need some serious help! I don't even have time to go out! (Gasps of horror!) I'm so tired these days. I feel that wit and wisdom have just drained out of me as of late. I'm tired. Things are getting frustrating, and I hate being in a holding pattern. The end of my Medicine rotation is fast approaching, but I'll be darned if I can muster any energy to read or study when I get home from the hospital. I've got to get on the ball here...I'm just *so* tired! (Did I mention I was tired?) Kev was down last weekend, which was a nice little break. He always knows how to make me smile. (How does he do that?) He's thinking of coming down this weekend, too. (Keeping fingers crossed.) He's been such a sweetheart. I wish he was around a little more to give me some TLC. Lord knows I need it. Even though we've been talking about looking for apartments for next spring and stuff, it just doesn't quite seem real to me. It still feels like *just pretend.* I know I'm being silly, but I'm almost scared to put too much faith in anything right now. Too many things that I plan for go "awry." Yes, my "best laid plans of mice and men" quote is to this day my motto! To add to the joy of my life, there are now 3 tropical storms lining up in the Atlantic Ocean. Yippee! Triage at the trauma center if we get hit with a hurricane. Yick. I need a long vacation...oh yes, with no responsibilities, no readings, no pressure, and someone fanning and feeding me grapes! That would be the cure for all that ails me...any takers on the fanning position? Consider this an open application ;) Yes kids, I am officially delerious. I'll stop babbling and get myself off to bed, where I should have been 4 hours ago. Thanks for letting me vent, y'all are the best!
August 5, 1999
I know I've said it before, but I think time is speeding up, I honestly do! It is AUGUST already. I can't believe it. FOOTBALL STARTS THIS MONTH! WOO HOO!!!! Too bad I'll be too busy to get to enjoy it! I'm nearing the end of my 3rd week of my Internal Medicine rotation. I think I am finally settling into the routine (it figures, since we are switching teams at the end of next week!) I'm slowly but surely proving to myself that I *can* do this. That means a lot. I'm busier than I've ever been, and my place is an absolute mess. I MUST clean, soon. Same goes for working out. I am buying a treadmill as soon as my trusty loan check comes in, I can't wait! Other updates from the oh so mundane life of Kelley, Kev is in Maine with Nate this week, fishing. This means I won't get to chat with him every night for a whole week! What's a girl to do? So far I've been ok (but hell, he called me last night from their campsite). I'm spoiled rotten, but I see no reason to settle for anything less (been there, done that). It's not like he isn't spoiled too! We went to Vic and Michelle's wedding last weekend, and it was pretty great. Kind of amazing, actually. Our married and engaged friends are beginning to become the rule rather than the exception. Scary. Too scary. Hard not to feel left behind in some ways, with everyone growing up and all, but who said I ever want to be a grown up? (This is *me* the perpetual student, here!) 'Tis the age, I guess. What really is getting to me is that I'm coming up on 25 damned fast, and I thought 24 was bad? I think 25 is much more frightening. Quarter of a century. Damn. No use getting depressed about it just yet! Right?? So I won't, yet. Been thinking a lot about the year 2000. I think it could be a damn good year for me...keep your fingers crossed! Until our next interlude, good night, good night, a thousand times...good night!
July 22, 1999
Wow. What a week this has been! I started my first clerkship (Internal Medicine) on Monday. Wow. It's really bizarre. I'm at the hospital from 7 am till 4 or 5 pm, just like a job (that I have no idea how to manage, not to mention no salary!) I have a PATIENT. I was on *call* my very first night, and I will be on call tomorrow evening. Hopefully I'll be ready and more competent the 2nd time around, because the 1st time, my head was *spinning.* It's funny how different things are this year, but I really think I like it a whole lot better. I really want to excel this year, to shine (I was...born to shimmer, born to shine, born to radiate...ok, sorry, musical interlude!) We shall see. Kev (bless his heart) is coming in town to see me tomorrow, even though I'll have to do post call rounds on Saturday. I love that he wants to be here, even if we won't get to spend that much time together. I miss him. I really miss being with Kevin, we had so much fun this summer. I'm worried about the amount of time we are going to get to spend together in the next few months. We have a lot to work out about him moving down here next spring, and I don't know if either of us realizes *how much* needs to be done. I think I worry too much. I wish I knew how to stop. Why am I so afraid that if I'm not perfect, something will go horribly wrong? So much pressure to do everything right has got to get to a person at one time or another. For now I am going to concentrate on today, and maybe tomorrow. Who knows what the future holds? I certainly can't claim to know. Best thing to do is take things a day at a time, and hope for things to work out the way *I* want them to work out! (haha, fat chance, I know! A girl can dream, can't she?) Eventually, I must get around to reading about my patient, so I'd better get going now. Oh, and Lara? If you're reading, I hope you got my last couple of emails...I miss you, please write? Love to all my faithful journal readers...you know who you are :0)
July 16, 1999
May I expound a bit? I've been pondering the values of communication in society today. We all know how IMPORTANT it is to communicate, but so few do it effectively. I've heard that women need several hours of communication a day, while men need as few as 15 minutes to feel complete and satisfied. What a problem for us women! I wonder if this is why so many relationships don't make it. I think that couples that make SOME attempt to communicate with one another EVERY DAY (be it via email, phone, snail mail, what have you) have a MUCH better chance of having a happy relationship. By communicating, small little hurts or perceived injustices can be mended before they have the chance to become HUGE ordeals and irreparable scars. I feel that relationships are much WEAKER when the partners don't attempt to talk with one another and go for days without spending adequate time bonding to one another. How can you know what someone is needing or feeling if you haven't the time to talk to them about it? We all speak of not having time, but seem to make time for more trivial things outside of the ones we care for.
They say that Mercury is in retrograde until August 5th, and boy, do I feel it. Mercury rules communications and it also rules my rising sign (Gemini). Supposedly communications (both electronical and interpersonal) completely break down when Mercury is in retrograde. I can't help but think this is true. Bad things happen when communications are gone. Many couples break up when Mercury goes retrograde, many fight or just stop trying...due to lack of communication, perhaps? I think so. It is discouraging that I am prone to these self same influences. I've always prided myself on being an excellent communicator, but it doesn't help if you are just communicating to yourself! I'm too tired and disappointed right now. Things are not what they have seemed to be, and it is discouraging. Never put too much faith in thinking that your wishes and needs are already known. More often than not, they aren't. Try communication. If that doesn't work? It's time to move on.
July 11, 1999
I'm BAAAACCKKKK! Did you miss me terribly? I have to say that I did not miss this place very much at all. I am once again firmly ensconced high above the city lights of Miami...home...for now. Where did my summer go? It went far too fast, that is for certain! I spent my last month in something close to sheer bliss, especially when I was in North Carolina. I AM moving there. I WILL. Even if it means busting ass these next 2 years to get the residency that I want. I will do it. It is worth it! I had a fabulous summer, if you need it spelled out for ya ;) Too much to recount here, but it was a much needed and treasured break from school and from this hell hole they call Miami. School starts back tomorrow, ick. I did miss my little place, though. At least it was happy to see me! Scattered about are the remnants of my last ditch, frantic study attempts for the Boards. I won't tuck them too far away, for I fear I may be taking that puppy again. We shall see. For now, I had better resume getting myself together and psyched up for 3rd year. Just wanted to write a quick update to my faithful followers, I know you were just pining away without me! I hope to mainitain my once a week updates (amidst my oh so hectic time schedule!) Until next time...
May 31, 1999
Happy Memorial Day! Well, to most anyway. This was hardly a holiday weekend for me. Class Saturday, Sunday, and today. Argh. Here I stand on the brink of insanity, about to wish my addiction (the internet and this computer) a fond farewell for the next couple of weeks while I cram as much info as I can into my brain. This is the HARDEST habit to break, but I know it must be done. From now until the Boards, I am only allowed online to chat with Kev, in hopes of keeping our phone bills beneath a king's ransom. That is IT. I know it is for the best, but damn, it is tough! As messed up as it seems, we have tomorrow off (I know, forget the national holiday...let's have a break the day after. Geez.) Tomorrow is dedicated to Pathology. Then Pharmacology. Then one subject a day until JUNE 12 (or D-day)! I will pass the Boards. I will pass the Boards. I will. I will. I will. I hope. NO! I WILL!
I feel rather lonesome amongst my friends right now. Rachel is married and buying a house. God it seems so far removed from me right now. Lara is in Atlanta, and I haven't heard from her in a while. I miss her. Nikki only calls or writes when she is upset or when Shawn does stuff like shop for rings with her, otherwise, she's nowhere to be found. I lost Amy a long time ago, but I still miss her. I keep getting messages about sorority sisters who are getting engaged and getting fabulous jobs and living their lives. I'm stuck here in perpetual school and long distance relationship land. Frustrating! On the homefront, Eddy is gone. I feel it. He starts the PhD part of his program this year while the rest of us start rotations. I'll miss him terribly. Harry, well who knows where Harry is? I wish he would call me. I miss him, too. Charlotte and Brian are way in the initial stages of being into one another. They have both moved their test dates until later (chickens), and I fear that Josh has disowned me as a friend for the time being. I think he has his period or something, but I'm not calling him again after the way I was blown off the last time I called him. He can be such an asshole. I wonder why I feel compelled to be there for him. Probably because I'm a sucker for someone who is hurting. That and the fact that I can figure everyone out and I've yet to accomplish that with him. Blech. I feel like all my friends are failing me when I need them most. Lord knows I NEVER fail to be there for them. I'm way too giving. I should probably pull back and give all of them some time to miss the hell out of me. I'm a damn good friend. They are lucky to have me. Wish they'd pull their heads out of their asses and realize this! Thank God for Kevin. He's there no matter what, and I love him for that. I suppose that is the way it should be. Well, look at this mile long whine I just wrote! Perhaps I should throw myself a pity party! Complete with fattening food and wine....mmmmm. I shall enjoy my final night of freedom. Until the 12th (or later) I must begone! Wish me heaps and heaps of luck, for I need all the help that I can get! Bye for now...
May 24, 1999
Why oh why am I doing this instead of studying for the Boards? OH! I know! Because I am a HUGE SLACKER! Yes, faithful journal readers, it is true. I am perhaps the largest slacker who ever lived. For as slack as I am, you'd think I'd be doing tarot card readings on some street in Coconut Grove to survive. However, I still have money in my account, and I have a nice place to live, and a car, and good friends, and a fabulous man, and my sole fault (HAHAHA) is that I cannot put more than mininmal effort into learning right now! My life would be perfect if I had a photographic memory, it truly would. *Sigh* What can be done? I know myself, and I will not kick into high gear until I get that fear element going for me. I am fabuous under pressure. A product of being overly socially involved from my early years onward. I would much rather be social and be the pseudo-psychoanalyst than learn about action potentials. Sue me. Yikes, I'd better not say that too loud, or someone might end up doing just that! Thing is, I am just instinctively good at medicine. I go through these questions, and if I sat and tried to reason them out, I'd be completely bogged down. If I just trust my gut, I'm dead on target 85% if the time. Go figure. I DO need to study, though. And I will...soon. Promise. Not for the rest of tonight, though. (I am bad.)
Kev surprised me on Thursday and came down to visit again. I had all Friday off from class, so I was ecstatic, of course! Need I tell you that we had an absoulutely perfect time? I didn't think so. We got lots done this weekend. Daydreamed about houses in North Carolina, shopped for TVs (and got one...woo hoo!), got crafty and painted pottery, got crafty in other ways (tee hee), saw the new Star Wars, drank some wine, laughed, and basically just enjoyed the hell out of each other. I could go on and on...oh wait, I think I just did ;) Can't help it. I'm in love...madly in love. It's worth holding out for you guys. I mean it. Joy of joys, we actually get 2 days off in a row from class this week, so it is off to Orlando I go! Yay! Kev will have to work one night that I am there which means I WILL study there, too. (I have to tell myself this over and over, you understand.)
I think Josh is going to Orlando this weekend as well, to lay some lines on his current 27 year old hostess conquest. Would I ever love to do this guy's psychoanalysis. If he is representative of the majority of men out there I am *truly* sorry for the single women out there. I don't think he could be, though. He's a bit of an extreme example. I had lunch with him Brian and Charlotte today, and it was weird. Not bad weird, just different. Charlotte and Brian are finally dating, and they are handling it with the maturity of 5th graders. Josh handles Charlotte with the maturity of a 3rd grader, and proceeds to spit ice at her for half of the lunch since she freaked out *every* time he did it. Geez. I was begged to come to lunch today, but I am not planning to make it more of a habit. My blood pressure was through the roof after lunch. I felt like mom. Who am I kidding? I try to be mom to everybody. I need to stop that. I really do. Hmmmm...could I write a little more? Truth be told, I probably could, but I'll end this novella for now. I need to shower and go to bed. 7 in the morning comes too damn early 'round here these days!
May 18, 1999
It HAS been a while since I've updated this journal, hasn't it? Well, I survived finals (barely). Now I am waiting on the grades...scary! I got all of one day off before I started my Boards intense prep course (class 8-3 or 4 every day - even Saturdays and Sundays). Yikes! Today is a day off from class, and of course, I was horribly lazy and slept in VERY LATE! Bad, bad Kelley! I only had a few errands to run today, though, so it was ok. Kind of like a recharge to go back to class tomorrow! Kev came to visit this past weekend, and even though I still went to class, it was so nice to come home to him (washing the dishes no less, what a man!) I want to come home to him every night! It was lovely! We were very very bad on Saturday. We bought Tombstone (the movie) and ate chinese food and chocolate rainbow ice cream (mind you, real ice cream, not frozen yogurt!) with Magic Shell on top! I weigh 800 pounds now, and he left me with more than half a carton of that sinful concoction in my freezer. I am working out every day this week because of it! The carton is calling me now, I hear it! We had such a fabulous time! It is so grand to be so in love! Class, on the other hand, is less than the delight of my life! I have this test June 12th, and the very last thing I want to do with my time is study. Oh well, I'm muddling through, bit by bit! It is very dark and omnious here. It looks like we are in for some major storms! YAY! Thunder and lightning! Big, bold streaks of lightning! I'm so psyched! I love this kind of weather! It seem to be getting closer, so I think it would be best to get off the computer for now! Until next time...
May 5, 1999
Happy Cinco de Mayo! May the 5th, a day created for the sole purpose of sitting around and drinking Coronas and margaritas all day long, and I am stuck inside studying Endocrinology. Argh! I dragged myself out of bed this morning after 4 hours of sleep to dutifully report to my mandatory attendance seminar, only to have the professor fail to show! I am choosing to be happy about this, even though I know there is no way I can go back to bed, as much as I would like to do just that! I must be through 12 lectures by the end of today! I'm slowly revving up to dive into study land. I think I will be there for a good 12 hours today. I know I just have a little while longer for school, but my horizon is being darkened by this ever looming Boards exam. I start the prep course next Wednesday...8-3, every day, even Saturday and SUNDAY?? What am I getting myself into? It helps to know that Charlotte and Josh and Brian are going to be there with me, even though it could be bad, as well. We are such bad influences on one another! I can't wait till June 12th...more precisely, I can't wait till June 13th! I hope that Kev and I can make some sort of plan to get out of Florida for a while. I know it will be tough, since Kev has to work and everything, but I really hope he can work it out so that we have at least one free week to just be "us." I have a funny feeling that I won't see much of him in the month prior to the Boards. As much as I would like to get out of Miami, there is no way that I can go to Orlando. Kev has work and school also, so I very much doubt he will be able to make it down here, and even if he did come down on the weekends, I'd be in CLASS for that whole time. Growl, growl, growl. I want to take a vacation from all of my stress and responsibilities. I want to be independently wealthy. Then I could expand my intellectual horizons at my own pace and not at this break neck speed with which med school is hurtling me through life! If they are trying to break us, they sure do have the technique down. I won't be broken, though. I am going to prove it to them (and to myself). Endocrine on Friday and then MOD part 2 on Monday...mental breakdown/drunken celebration to follow shortly thereafter! I'm off to study...by this time next week, I'll have finished my last official test as a second year med student! Now THAT is a very PLEASANT thought! Wish me luck (for I surely do need it)!
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