#067B Birthmother ISO Female Adoptee
My birthdaughter was born 3/8/79 in St. Petersburg, FL at St. Anthony's
Hospital.
Along with being adopted, I have a birthdaughter that I placed for
adoption at birth. It has to be the most difficult thing I have ever had
to do in my life. But I was 19, barely able to take care of myself and
while married to Dale, we didn't even have the money for food for
ourselves. Though to be honest, that is all in retrospect. The reason I
did give her up for adoption was my Mother said to me point blank, "If
you keep that child I will never allow you in the house again." She
hated the father of my daughter and wouldn't consider having any child
related to him as part of "HER" family.
Looking back, she did the right thing. I was divorced and married
several times since then. I have moved more than the average person does
in an entire lifetime. And I have had times where I didn't even know
where my next meal would come from. I can't see raising a child that
way.
I had talked with Catholic Charities ahead of time and made the
arrangements for them to be adopted. When I went into labor, I changed
my mind. I didn't want to place her. I wanted to keep my child. I didn't
want to give her to strangers to raise. People I had never seen and
would probably never know. But by that point the choice had been taken
from me.
The night before I went to sign the papers, I begged and pleaded with my
Mom and Dale to let me keep her. So the next day they gave me pain
killers (I had a broken tailbone from giving birth and partial paralysis
also, so I was given the pain pills from the hospital.) and drove me to
sign the papers. With Dale hovering over me, crying my eyes out, I
signed the papers. I did ask that her name be kept Suzanne Marie and
made them include it in the paperwork. Though I find out years later
that they didn't. I give them a letter for her to get if she ever asked
for her information and I signed the forms with the understanding that
she could get all the Identifying information once she turned 18.
Well, now she is 19 years old and I am searching for her. I know that
her adoption was finalized here in Pinellas County. So that tells me she
lived here in FL for at least a year or so. But I don't know where to go
from there. I want to go to the court house and see what I can find from
there. I just don't know which one to go too, St. Petersburg or
Clearwater. But I will have to do it soon as I can, since I am moving to
Richmond, VA in August of '98.
And so the search goes on. I keep hoping she will be searching for me. I
have lots of health issues that I need to let her know about. But mostly
I want to tell her "I love her!" I wanted her more than anything else on
earth. I hope she got great parents, that loved her and provided her
with all she needed to grow up healthy and happy. All that I wanted to
give her and knew I couldn't.
Email: squinn6770@aol.com
