Lonelyness
Lonelyness is a pain.
A pain in the heart,
but also a pain in the ass.
Although I have many friends
both near & far away,
there is no-one with whom
I am especially close.
I used to think I'd be happy
by myself, but i was wrong.
I need someone to love.
Someone to hold,
someone with whom I can share my life.
I love my friends dearly,
but there is little intimacy.
I need someone I can talk for hours with
and yet share a silence.
God, I hate being by myself
why is life so confusing?
Just when you think you know
what makes people tick,
you almost find out something
but she won't tell you yet.
The imagination goes wild and
blows your whole world into chaos.
City Love
I wake.
Still dark.
Groggy from a not so long sleep.
I shower, dress, and drink down my coffee.
The bittersweet taste of caffeine
kicks my sluggish brain into gear.
Everything hits top speed.
I am deeply focussed on my work.
My thoughts race through my brain so fast
I forget them seconds later.
Through my eyes, the world is in fast-forward.
Work is all I think about.
Constantly moving. Quickly.
My brain slows the smallest amount,
allowing me to wonder what the time is.
I finish filling the order, go to my desk
and grab a cigarette as I run towards the door.
Running. Stairs. Three at a time.
I bolt out the door.
Zombies everywhere.
I light my smoke, and as I inhale its fumes,
everything slows to what it should be. And then slower still.
I notice the zombies have faces, feelings.
Real people. Some talking some looking at the sky.
I close my eyes and think, but not about work.
Thoughts of love, life, my cigarette.
My thoughts focus on a woman whom
I hold close to my heart.
I think I love.
I open my eyes.
My cigarette is almost finished. One drag left.
I open the door and once again enter the fray.
Everything hits top speed.
The Joker
I claim not to be intelligent,
to not know much at all.
My love for words, and life,
betrayed me long ago.
I played the fool, the years long gone,
an appearance hard to keep.
The Joker is my foremost face,
how I want the people to laugh.
My friends so know me,
the Joker wearing thin,
to keep, o God, my wit.
My heart and mind betray me much,
my Joker, the strong resilient fool,
though thin may be
shall never let death be thus,
caused by heart and mind,
to stubborn to let death encroach,
yet to weak to keep the fight.
Long as so that I may live,
My Joker shall not die.
For I am he,
as he is me,
and shall live till darkness comes.
Death, find me
may death come to me in the dark of night
with his hellish angels and lead me away from this world
which is so full of affliction and torment,
most of which is directed at me.
my mind is damn near torn asunder by the pressure
of conflicts in my own corner of the world,
which, as the world is spherical, does not exist.
if I cannot solve these problems,
or relieve myself of my pain and suffering
I will be driven to hunt death down and
confront him in a world and time
which is neither mine nor his,
yet, as I confront him, I shall be relived of pain
and torment and soon shall know,
at least for a brief period of time, a bliss like no other.
but after this time of ecstasy has regrettably expired
he will drag my poor soul to the depths of Hades
and undertake a time of such torture
i shall eventually succumb, doing his dark bidding
as only a tortured, near twice-dead, soul can.
Parents
A fog like cloud hangs low in the sky.
Darkening my mood, as it does the already dark night.
I find a place to sit and think.
To sit, and think, and smoke.
The sodium vapour lights casting
a dream like state to all around me.
My paper is yellow, my jeans a dirty brown.
The lights make my skin look green,
this does not help in the least.
Parents can be bastards.
Though I am legally an adult,
I am still treated like a child.
It sucks more than they would care to know.
My mother is the worst.
She yells and shouts at me one minute,
and the next, as I am going out,
she acts like nothing happened.
Like she’s my friend.
Only when I light my cigarette
does a small portion get its rightful colour.
My hands, jeans and paper,
but not my mood.
At least I have my music and my writing.
And my ciagarettes.
I know what smoking does to you,
but it helps me get through life.
There are two things I could not cope without.
Three if one includes my writing.
The more important of the two is
my girlfriend whom I love,
and is always there for me.
Except tonight.
It’s not late, but yet she sleeps.
If it wasn’t for her and my smokes,
my life would be a shit.
Oh, it is. But it would be much worse.
I have found a new love.
Its is not the love of material things,
nor is it the love of pain.
it is the love of bringing joy to others
a love of life itself.
the love I speak of is one of the greater
greater of life
To love people for who they are, not how they look
One can learn to love like this,
but surely it takes time.
My Place
Can you imagine a place like this?
It's beauty, devine exquistiteness
Its calmness and serenity
of depth and immenity
It's a well known place to me
I travel there to be free
It may not always be visible, but it's never far
It's hidden beneath my very own star
It's a quiet sereale place it tis
Nothing fancy, but imagine a soft subtle joyous place that is
It will always be there
No matter where I travel or go
It's in my soul and mind you know
It's my own special place
I treasure it so
~Nicole Viegut
In My Minds Eye
In my minds eye
What do you see?
Maybe, powerful being unto thee?
Beauty serenity?
Restless intensity?
In my minds eye
I am the creature of curiosity
I am the strength of immense possibility
In my minds eye
I am of passionate being
A holding of strange serendipity
In my minds eye
I am a fresh breath of life
that has overcome struggles and survive
In my minds eye
I hold the wreath of optimism
Life is forever lasting
Treasures in my paradise
~Nicole Viegut
The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone just she and I
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart
And when I did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
At milking a cow...
~ unknown
