Thoughts to brighten a gloomy day
**For those who take life too seriously**
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99% of Lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember that half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Support bacteria -- they are the only culture some people have.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse -- it will be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous -- tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of u believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you are out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
When everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just do not have film.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles my soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of horizontal desire.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
