The short and chubby woman who had raised Raquel was not one to tarry when it came to telephone calls. She would be calling any second. If anyone else had listened in on their conversation, not one person could argue that Yolanda wasn't one of the nicest people in southern Florida. That meant she had an audience, listening to her as she checked up on her daughter.
"I called as soon as I heard the news, dulcita! Some young man called me." Raquel cringed, as she could just picture Yolanda's brown eyes crinkling into a smile when she called Raquel 'dulcita,' which meant 'sweetie' in Spanish.
Raquel had grown to be much more bitter towards her mother when she went off to college. She couldn't help it…she resented the fact that her mother was so happy without her daughter around anymore. Resented the fact that her mother could only remain civil for a few minutes before it was completely evident she wanted to get away from Raquel.
Raquel knew that the silence on the other end of the phone was her cue to talk about what happened…to fill her mother in on the latest happenings. But quite frankly she didn't want to. Her mother never called her at school to ask her how things were. Her mother didn't know half of what went on in Raquel's life, so what was the point in starting now? How could she possibly make her mother understand that she did indeed live a stressful life? Past attempts had just resulted in challenges brought forth by Yolanda….trying to 'beat' Raquel by arguing her own life to be even more stressful.
"So you pulled yourself away from All My Children to call me?" she asked sarcastically.
The nurse, who was tending to the other patient, caught Raquel's eye and raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, give me a break Raquel!" Yolanda said pathetically. "What did I do this time?"
Raquel rolled her eyes. She was quite used to reactions like this. Her mother knew full well what she had done wrong. For nineteen years she had placed her daughter behind everyone else in her life….whether is was the TV or other relatives. Yolanda had managed to make it apparent to Raquel that her existence was nothing more than a nuisance to her. "Cut the crap, mother….I am not in the mood for your lines….no one cares …and furthermore I want to know who else is in the room listening to you…apparently you want someone to empathize toward you and your bitch of a daughter," she finished flatly.
Yolanda frowned, "I didn't come here to be attacked. Now you tell me why you are in the hospital...in GERMANY!."
Raquel continued to glower, then finally said through clenched teeth, "I had an anxiety attack."
"Do you have a lot of tests coming up?"
"I always have tests coming up…I am a college student mother."
"Well…that must be your problem then…you need to manage your time better….you probably need to spend less time carousing and more time studying." Yolanda admonished.
"If you say so."
Raquel could here some commotion on the other end of the phone as the phone was apparently passed to someone else.
Raquel clenched her teeth to stop herself from cussing.
"Hello nieta!" It was her grandmother.
Raquel sighed and settled back in her bed, here we go, she thought.
"Hi there," she tried to sound cheerful but she couldn't.
"Are you gonna be a good girl and listen to your mother? You wouldn't stress so much if you studied more nieta!" Raquel could not believe this. Not even a hello from her. "Did you even ask to hear what I had to say?"
"Please study more?" her grandmother continued to beg.
Raquel glared at the receiver and gritted her teeth, "yeah, if you say so. I need to go…I'm tired and I want to rest up."
"You do that dear, I love you. Now," her tone became even more stern, "what the HELL are you doing in GERMANY?!"
"Raquel didn't have the energy or will to tell the whole story. Her family didn't even know about Howie. "Remember mimi? I told you about it last month...it's a class trip!" she said, mentally crossing her fingers. This approach usually worked with her grandmother.
"Oh yes..." said her grandmother with some uncertainty.
"Love you too," she said when her grandmother announced her mother was taking the phone again. There were a couple minutes of silence. "Why the hell do you always do that to me?!" she asked, trying desperately not to lose her temper. It got harder each time she talked to her mother, however.
Her mother ignored her, and by the sounds of it she was moving stuff around.
Tears of frustration filled Raquel's eyes. "Do you know how hard it is for me to not scream bloody murder right now?!"
"Ok, you know what dulcita? You obviously don't want me around, so I am going to go."
Raquel looked at the clock. "Oh yeah…better run…if you go now you'll be just in time for General Hospital.
The dial tone ringing in Raquel's ears was all it took to make the tears of anger and frustration fall.
Howie somberly exited the elevator, stuffed teddy bear and balloons in tow. From outside the door he could hear her crying. When she saw him clutching a teddy bear and balloons, she began crying even harder. Howie hastily set the stuff down and ran over to her, wrapping her in a hug to end all hugs.
She buried her face in his chest and bawled. She cried for all of the neglect she had received…she cried for all of the times her mother had hit her. She cried for the void she had carried with her all of her life. She had yearned to be loved for nineteen years…. Not just a passive sort of love…a love that could be demonstrated through kind words and affectionate actions.
"I am so sorry," she apologized, pulling herself away from him. She was now embarrassed for her behavior.
"Shh…" he said, placing a finger on her lips.
She sniffled, and he handed her a tissue.
"No worries, ok? We'll get you out of this place and tonight we'll have dinner at the Ritz!" he chuckled.
She opened her mouth to start speaking, but no words came out. She couldn't tell him about her mother…it was a long story anyway. As far as Howie was concerned, she was crying because of the panic attack.
"Will you stay with me until the let me go?" she asked hopefully her voice trembling.
"I'm not going to leave your side," he said firmly as he wrapped her in one more embrace.