A Faded Memory
June 11,1998
"NO!!!!" Maria yelled.
"Honey, Maria. It's okay." Mrs. Perez shook her daughter out of her horrible dream.
"Mom, I was so scared. I didn't know what to do." Maria hugged her mother while shaking.
"It wasn't your fault dear," she soothed her fourteen year old daughter.
"Mom why did he have to go out that way?"
"I don't know. I think he was just so sad. The drugs had eaten at his brain. He gave up."
Maria thought about her dream. Not a dream a nightmare. The nightmare that was once a terrifying reality. Her brother Ryan was an abuser to every drug substance known to man. That dreadful night she saw her brother shooting up heroin. Maria didn't know what to do. She always tried to ignore her brother and his friends. And that night it worked. She blocked out every frivolous sound they made. After his friends had either gone home with someone not so stoned or fell asleep she saw her brother go to the bathroom. She was angry because she needed to get to bed for school the next morning. But nevertheless she let Ryan use the bathroom first. Ten minutes later he was still in the bathroom. Maria walked to the bathroom and pounded on the door. He didn't open up or say anything. With worry she ran to her jewlery box and got the key for the bathroom and she jiggled the lock until it opened. When she saw her brother lying lifeless on the floor she screamed with horror. Her older brother who got her through the beginning stages of childhood was gone. Took his life with one flick of a knife. Maria fell to the ground and shook furiously until Ryan's girlfriend, Linda, came in. Linda too screamed but instead of growing into shock she immeadiatly called 911.....
"Mom...why did it have to happen to him? Why couldn't we stop it?"
"It was beyond our control. Your father and I tried everything. And he just didn't want to stop."
"I guess so," Maria yawned.
"Why don't you try to go back to sleep. If you feel uncomfortable in here alone then just come into our room."
"Alright," Maria slipped back into her covers and put her head down on the pillow. Her mother kissed her goodnight followed by an, "I love you," then walked out. Maria started her usual trace of happy thoughts of her brother to get her back to sleep. No longer then two minutes later she was back into her deep sleep.
Maria I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I know you loved me. I was just so blind and naive. I love you and I can't wait to be able to see you again. And then we can grow up together. I love you little sis....I'll see you when you are ready, unlike I was. Remember the better times. Be good...
Maria woke up from her dream. And she heard her stereo click on and she heard a familiar song...
If I'm gone when you wake up please don't cry. And if I'm gone when you wake up it's not goodbye. Don't look back at this time as a time of heartbreak and distress. Remember me, remember me, 'cause I'll be with you in your dreams.
Maria had chills run up and down her back. Her Hanson CD was not in her stereo. In fact she hadn't listened to it in months. When she listened to the words one more time. She knew that it was a message from her brother. It wasn't a dream when he had spoken to her. It was real. She didn't have another nightmare about her brother for the rest of her childhood.
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