All you gotta do is be observant and people think you a poet talk some deep shit that sound like truth and people think that you know it just flow it and give em what they wanna hear coz they drownin in they own pain and sorrow and fear and everything near me is jaded in this shit as long as I live in this society there's no escapin it I'm drapin it over my body in costume jewelry and faux furs but the silver lining ain't what's gonna be lining my purse-- it's hard work and sweat and blood and tears the payoff for what I've lived thru and suffered all these years I can't break thru yet I gotta recognize that I gotta lot to learn I got some time to kill, got some youth to burn ain't no rush tho, got some time to heal, got some shit to steal kleptomaniacal big fuckin deal corporate America robbin our streets of decency and they wonder why I jack shit that only costs them a few pennies fuck that shit man whats crime anyways unless somebody gets hurt who really pays the reality is property ain't no big deal we all borrowin anyways, we can't take it with, that's the deal, and the more that I live thru, the more that I feel I can't become numb no matter how much shit this world try to deal coz all dese mean streets is jam-packed with history and the soul of the people and it ain't no mistery why our bellies gettin rounder and our heades gettin dumb we live life like we ready to die before we even come and somewhere theres an answer and someday i'll be able to make ill rhymes and someday sometime i'll get mine it's all funna come back to me i ain't worried bout it i just gotta get thru another day of the bullshit grin and bear it sink or swim its what we livin in and i cant begin to say how stupid this rhyme sounds to me what a calamity that i have so much in me and i cant set it free coz everything in me feels like it gotta be premeditated and i always feel overmedicated and sedated and my brain never cooperated with the drugs before but i became complacent coz i'm tired and i dont wanna fight anymore have i surrendered is that a good thing or did i just shut the door on my creativity and let in the negativity and the mundanity the 2.4 kids livin in a suburban atrocity that aint me it cant be its a nightmare more than drugs could ever be this shit funna make me cry bringin a tear to my eye and i wonder why i didnt die if i ever gonna have a purpose here or mean somethin to somebody or if i'm gonna be so miniscule i'll be payin shrinks fo the rest of my life to care and thats it and they gotta worry about it and i just cant take it should i just give up and get the fuck up and blow my head up and fill my veins up with that hot stuff that gushy stuff that got em all crusty three months later feelin like an alligator lookin at my body feelin like i should be a naughty little playmate but instead i'm a mothafuckin junkie renegade all ate up and dried up dead to the world recovering fuck that i'm a hopeless little girl i'm bruised and used and useless and i'll never be loved i wanna cry i wanna die and ain't nothin ever gonna be enough to fill me up i'm so empty that i can't see and i can't even shut up these words seeping out of me coz i'm so full of this muck like a big shithole of slush filled up with years of waste so chock full of it i can taste the shit in every breath it taints my vision makes me long for death but thats ok i got anti depressants and mood stabilizers anti psychotics and the works jerk me around with this shit til my brain doesn't work til i'm just a little puppet lurkin around in this body doin who the fuck knows what waiting to expire gettin a dead end job or going to a dead end school livin in a dead end state to follow dead end rules conservative hypocriasy fuckin faggoty ass fools these bitches shove this shit down my throat and i still wonder why they drools when they see me passsin by in a slut skirt with my arms tie up around some ho like i got some thang goin on that they wanna know about double standard ass fuckin i dont get it man but im just funna keep on truckin i dont give a fuck if i live or die just keep my eye on that prize in the sky if God wanna strike me down for all my sins he'll strike me down swallowin down dem shit eatin grins don't think i'm prepared for all the trouble i'm in but can't be no hell scarier then some places i been coz there ain't no hell like the hell with in, and once you conquered that man then fuck it, you win
3:16 a.m.
