Chapter 21-Breaking Charity
"God, i feel so free..." ,Kelley whispered as her and Wara lay in thehot sun.
"Oh, is it because of Zac being away?" Wara said turning her head from her magazine.
"Yeah, i just feel as if Zac was all of who i was. He made me happy for the first time since my family's death. I want it to be that i made me happy, not some guy."
"Well, don't be too hard on him, kel, he loves you a lot and seems to give you room to grow. But Yeah, i see what you mean. It's all about being in control of your own life. That's why I'm taking it slow with Tay. I think I'm fallingn for him, so i have to force myself to not let him be the product of every smile and every sob" Wara said standing up.
"Well, we better go. I want to go call the guys, and my stomach's turnign into leather." She said brushign the sand off her behind.
The two walked up the beach to the house and let themselves in. Aftertaking a shower and changing, Kelley and Wara settled on the couch with the telephone between them.
"So, you better go ahead and break Zac's heart before Taylor and i have a nice normal conversation." ,Wara said handing the phone over. Kelley breathed in deeply and shut her blue eyes.
"Hit me hard if i chicken out, okay?"
"My pleasure!" Wara said motioning with her hands for Kelley to dial.
The phone began to ring. Once, twice...
"Hello? Zachary here!" ,the voice on the other end of the line said cheerfully.
"Hi Zac, It's Kelley."
"Hey babe! I've missed you."
"You sound a bit too cheerful to have just been to a funeral." Kelley said pushing her wet hair behing her ear.
"Well, I've been exposed so much in these last few days with all the relatives and tears, that I just want to forget it all for a few minutes." Zac said explaining himself.
"I can understand that...Well, the reason i called was to," Kelley began with encouragement from Wara, "Was to cool things down with us."
"Wh-what do you mean by that? Are you brea-king up with me?" Zac stuttered.
"Well, not exactly. I just want to take this opportunity of us being separated to see if i can be me without you. I think I've become too dependent on you, it just all happened too fast."
"That's part of what love is!" Zac pleaded.
"I want to be me on my own. You may not understand it, but i need you to accept it. So, I'll see you when you get home from Tulsa, okay?"
"I can't even call you? This is no fair, you're making these decisions without me. Decisions that affect me."
"I'm sorry, but just trust me on this. I love you Zac, I promise. But,i want to make sure that you should be loving me, and that I'm not just a desperate and insecure teenager."
"Ok, I'll give you your space, but don't forget that I'll always love you." Zac said reluctantly
"I love you too. Is Tay there? Wara wants to chat."
"Sure, hold up."
Kelley handed the phone to Wara and ran to her room clenching her teeth to hold back the tears.
"He-llo?"
"Hey Tay!" Wara chorused.
"Oh no, i hope you didn't call to break my heart like Kel just did to Zac." Tay joked
"Don't worry, we're still cool" Wara ressured the boy.
"Good, so how are you doing? Missing me?"
"OF course. When do you think you'll be back so i can stop?"
"I'd have to say in about 5 weeks or so. There's a lot to get settled here, and my mom wants to take advatage of our time in Tulsa to square away our house."
"God, that's a long time. My phone bill's gonna sky rocket."
"Oh, I'll take care of it. Well, my Mom needs to use the phone, so I've got to go."
"Ok, Tay, call me later. "
"ok, babe. Love ya"
"Ditto, toodles"
"bye"
Wara pressed the 'end' button and walked to the back of the house to check on Kelley.
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An hour later Wara found herself on the city bus headed for Tim's. She hadn't seen the boy in a while, and decided surprising him would be fun. Kelley had ended up being fine. She had been sitting on her bed making a list of her goals. Her exact words were, "It's time to take control of me!" Lucky for Wara, she had never lost that control. Of course, with a strong sense of control, you still have negative feelings running through your body. Wara wanted full control of every situation, and most always succeeded. But, there are times when that's impossible, which would often send Wara into a whirl wind of confusion and depresion. A time like this was closer then Wara excpected. A mere 20 minutes after Wara confidently stepped onto the city bus, she witnessed a life changing site.
"Tim? Tim?" Wara screamed knocking on his door. She had been knocking for 5 minutes and finally decided he was in the shower, so she should just let herself in. Wara walked into the room expecting to hear the water running down Tim’s pipes. Instead, she heard complete silence. The silenceran up and down her spine causing her to closeher eyes and refocus."Maybe he’s just sleeping…" she tried to convince herself, "Yeah, that’s it he’s just sleeping."
She checked his bedroom, and after finding nothing, continued through the rooms of the shot gun style house until she reached the kitchen, which was located in the furthermost point of the house. On the kitchen floor laid a scene like no other Wara had witnessed. Tim was lying with his hands clutching at the floor, as if they were the key to holding onto his life. Wara fell to the floor shaking the corpse.
"TIM! COME ON TIM!", she screamed with tears already running down her cheeks. She felt his pulse, which was nonexistent. Sprawled on his body, weeping, she felt a bottle under his right leg. She picked it up, and read the label. She immediately remembered the bottle as one Tim’s high school coach had prescribed for his sprained knee. Wara vividly remembered the conversation they had:
"So, Wara, Coach gave me these pills to control the pain from my ‘athletic injury’," Tim had said grinning.
"Most people aren’t too excited when they sprain their knee!"
"Yeah, but this proves how devoted I am to the team…coach only gives his best athletes painkillers like these!"
The memory immediately threw Wara into another storm of tears. She picked herself off from the ground, and put her head down on the counter. Through her tears, she felt a piece of paper on her cheek. Wara picked herself up and began to read the note scrawled on the wrinkledsheet.
Dear whoever finds me,
I wonder if you’re crying, or if you’re even missing me, standing there with my dead body at your feet. My instincts tell me that the answer is no. I’m at an all time low, and glad that this is the end. Wara left me, my friends went off to college, and my parents bought em this little house so I could have ‘privacy’. But, I don’t want privacy. I want to be surrounded by people, but all I have are the sounds of my own breath. I wonder how long it will be until someone actually finds me here, I wouldn’t be surprised if it were over a few weeks. I’m sorry if you’re upset with my decision to take my life. But, why didn’t you think of that while I’ve been here so lonely. I hope that I’m now in a better place, and will never feel those feelings again. I’ve been called "selfish," spoiled," and "thoughtless." Now, all of you accusers will no longer have to deal with me, because I’m gone.
To you, I leave an apology and a good bye
-Tim