You have gotten here because you feel that you need some help. That's OK. I have gotten hundreds of email messages looking for help. Here are some the questions I get most often. I do have to admit, that until I began to publish this web site, I firmly believed that there were no STUPID questions. Today, I'm not so sure!
(1) Hey Ray, I'm over 18, so why can't I get to the ADULT humor, huh?
(2) I really love your animated jokes Ray, how do I get them for myself?
(5) You have so much funny stuff at your web site, where did you get it all?
Why can't I get to the ADULT humor?
It's a JOKE! There is no separate ADULT section. It doesn't exist. It's It doesn't work for anybody, even ME, and I know the secret!!!!It's a JOKE! a gag! I've pulled your leg. I've gotten one over on you. This is a joke page after all.Technology has allowed me to forever keep you from clicking on the button. You'll NEVER get it, no matter how old you are...or how fast you move your mouse. You could be 73 years old and not be able to click on it. You could be 88 years old and never touch the button. There is NO special software tool that determines your age, sex, height, pasta preference, or weight (However, I do happen to know that your underwear currently says Thursday on it!). Furthermore, THERE IS NO ADULT JOKE SECTION!!!
Now, do you get it??? If you still don't get it, please do not operate heavy machinery or conduct surgery of any kind.
How do I get your animated cartoons?
If you are using a Mac computer, you're on your own, I have no idea whatsoever how to do this with a Mac. Sorry. However, if you have a Windows machine, this is a breeze.
If you see an image that you like, simply let it load completely. That is, watch the whole thing. Now that you have seen it and are laughing hysterically, you can save it to your very own computer.
The first thing you want to do to save it is RIGHT CLICK your mouse on the image.
A little window will pop up. One of the choices you will see is "SAVE PICTURE AS". Click on it.Ok, now a window pops up that says "SAVE AS". You will see all the folders on your computer. Select a folder by double clicking on it. Boy we're getting close now...The click on "SAVE".
Thats all there is to it. Now, that didn't hurt a bit, dit it?
Once you have them, simply go to the directory you saved them in and click on them. They should start up in your web browser automatically.
Ray,I'm desperate to get on your mailing list. I have no life whatsoever.
I'm flattered by your desire to get on my mailing list. But, what makes you think you are worthy of having me send you anything?
Just kidding!!! I don't have a mailing list of any sort. I began this web site a few years ago because I was simply too busy to send these great jokes to my friends and associates each day. I was getting dozens of jokes each week and was spending far too much time sorting through them and sending them to my friends. This web site was an effort to reduce email time for me while spreading a few smiles along the way. Sorry!
Why don't you change your joke of the day you bonehead??!!??
Aha!, Got you on a technicality!!!!! It isn't a "joke of the day" smartypants. And I use the term smartypants with full intent.
Actually, it used to be a joke of the day several years ago. However, since this joke page doesn't contribute to paying my mortgage, or keeping my teenage daughter in Lenny Kravitz CD's, I just don't have the opportunity to work on this web site every day or even every week.
As a result, the somewhat current jokes gets changed on a very loose schedule. Now, having said that, if you would like to mail me $20,000 per month, with a 5 year commitment, I would gladly consider resigning from my regular job and doing this full time. Boy, would you be impressed with the quality of the "Joke of the day"!
Where did you get all those fantastic jokes?
I have a team of 7 elfen writers working around the clock typing their teeny tiny fingers to the bone in a forest near my house. Then one day, a witch carrying a poisoned apple....Nahhh!
Actually, they were all sent to me via email by dozens of friends, co-workers, and joke page visitors like you. I have been collecting them for several years now, and only have about 20% of my total collection available for viewing. Not because they are secret or anything, but I simply don't have the time to add them.
How do I get my stuff published alongside your stuff?
Before answering your question I accept your compliments and admiration. I get this all the time. Frankly, it's a constant challenge to keep my ego in check. In any event, it's not difficult whatsoever. If you have a joke that's intensely funny, just email it to me. Please be sure that the spelling and grammar are correct as I don't have the time to edit and grade your papers.
Now having said that, please don't change your opinion of me if I don't publish your humor. I have hundreds of jokes already waiting to be added. Many of them are really fall on the floor hit your head on the refrigerator door funny (FOTFHYHOTRDF for you netheads). In reality, a lot of the stuff I get is absolute sh*t! Yours may be too. Actually, statistically speaking, it's extremely likely that your jokes are miserably un-funny. Chances are, that if you wrote it yourself, and you aren't getting paid to write humor, it probably isn't funny outside your immediate family.
Won't you please send me those animations?
First of all, I created this web site so I would not have to send any of this stuff to my friends any more. The point is to have everyone come to one place for the jokes and other funny stuff. Now, if I won't email these things to my friends, what makes you think I'd take the time to send anything to a complete stranger. Now take a minute and think about that. If I had the time, I'd be changing the "reasonably current" joke more often than Bill Clinton abstains.
The Damned Monkey doesn't work. Why not?
Now that is a very thoughtful and insightful question. Understanding why this feature doesn't work all the time is somewhat akin to thoroughly inderstanding schedule K3a of your US Federal income tax return. It's a complete freaking mystery!
I have been screwing around with it for a long time now, and am just as confused as the first day I was made aware of the problem.
What I have done though, is to make it a "downloadable" file. This way, you click on the page designated, and download the film to your computer. When given the option, select "SAVE TO DISK" (this is for Windows. If you are a Mac user, you are on your own). Find a folder to put it in and click the appropriate button to proceed. After you have saved to a folder you remember, find it agin on your system and click on it. Doing so will fire up the video player your system uses, and you will be laughing your ass off in no time at all.
You will need a media player to view it. Windows usually comes with one. If not, you can visit the microsoft website and DOWNLOAD it by CLICKING HERE right now. Microsoft also has a player for Macs at this site. Do what microsoft tells you to do to make it work. They ought to know dammit, they're Microsoft, the evil empire!
If this doesn't solve your problem, call the neighbor's kid who is in the 3rd grade, she'll be able to straighten you out.
Email: raysyuks@theoffice.net
