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Depressing Poems Fer The Depressed..

My First
.
I touch the screen of my computer
And wonder how I lost my heart so easily
To a lover I've never met
But love more than I've ever dreamed possible.
He came to me one night that changed my life
Holding the key to my heart and soul
That I never thought to see this lifetime.
He seduced my mind, my heart, my spirit, my soul
With words that came from his inner universe
A universe that calls to me to travel and explore.
I haven't heard his voice in my ear,
I haven't felt his touch on my skin,
I haven't seen him in person with my eyes...
And yet I swear I could hear his voice,
Feel his touch softly along my skin,
See him so clearly in my mind's eye and dreams.
His soul calls to mine and I cannot resist
The pleasure, the security, the feeling of home
He has opened the door and I welcome him inside
Where two pieces are now One again for eternity.
He is my soulmate, soul-friend, soul-lover soul-healer
As I am his soulmate, friend, lover and healer.
We complete each other.
Patchwurk
.
My heart is much like that of a beloved patchwork quilt. A wonderful, warm and brilliant kalidescope of colors, secrets, love and essences. Pieces of friends, family, loved ones in exchange for pieces of me. Some are worn, well-used and comfortable, like a favorite pillow or a long-time and true friend. Others are faded, tattered and torn, like ripped jeans or shattered dreams. Still others are new, untried and bright, like an uncut gem or a new love. This patchwork heart is stitched together with threads of trust, honesty, respect, loyalty, and love, trimmed with friendship everlasting, tried and true blue. It is a reflection of those who have touched my life, to remember them eternally as we travel our paths in Life. Love earned, love given, love taken, love lost... All have a place in this patchwork heart that surrounds my soul, until the day one comes to take my heart and soul with gentleness and care... to tuck it lovingly inside his
Still
.
I still love, even after loving someone that didn't return my love.
I still dream, after someone took my dreams from me and crushed them under foot.
I continue to reach out because I'm not afraid of falling...
since I already fell a long time ago
and I've learned how to fly high and free.
I continue caring because someone cares for me.
I've swallowed the bitterest pill, survived poisonous venom, healed the wounds in my heart, body, mind and soul...
I still love. I've dealt with the past,
learned from it, moving on to the future.
I'm free as moonlight, as the stars dancing in the cloak of Lady Night.
I'm not afraid of pain or hurt because I have more power over them.
They do not lord over me.
My future is of my own design.
If I stop loving, caring, reaching...
Then I've stopped living.
The soul is free and the heart has a mind of its own.
Who am I to try and tame them, control them?
I still love...
I still live...
I still need him...
Fear
.
Fear is the color of midnight,
the sound of unknown demons calling your name.
Fear is fire, and storm,
and places unspeakably cold with the winds of life.
Fear is walking along a dark unalterable path
and suddenly realizing that the path goes nowhere.
And that you must forever tread it.
Alone.

Past..Future..Present?
.
He came back into my life from the past.
The one I bared my heart and soul to.
The one I shared my hopes and dreams,
pain and nightmares with.
The one person I opened myself to completely and freely.
He was the one who took and gave equally,
then disappeared without a backwards glance
or even a casual "bye, it was nice for a while"...
He's back and I'm unsure of how he fits in my life now.
He was tucked fondly in the pages of my past
with warm memories and rose petals of a short brilliant love.
The timing is both awkward and perfect.
He's back when I start to close another chapter of my life
and look forward to a new page.
I can now add a postscript
to end the bittersweet story we once shared
and contentedly move on into a future of my own making.
He's in my past.
He's in my present...
Can there be a place for him in my future?
Friends..
.
Where do I go from here?
You come back into my life from the past
and now want to be just friends!
I put you out of my life and tucked you away in the pages of my past
with fond memories and purple rose petals.
Life moved on and I had to keep on going without you.
Our story didn't truly end,
but I forgave you and let go of the bittersweet fairy tale.
My heart and soul had to learn how to care, trust, dream, wish, hope and love again.
I stumbled through the darkness in my heart
until I found how to light my own way.
Instead of waiting for someone to give me roses,
I planted my own garden in my soul
and now I don't mind the thorns so much.
Now you come bringing a storm to threaten my peace and undo all I've learned so far.
You'd like to find a place in my present and future as a friend.
I don't know where you can fit anymore.
But at least now I know how to truly end the story.
I am completed.
Without you.

A Man
.
does a man without lies truly exist?
is there really a man who has known true love in his heart & soul without games in his head?
can there be a man who is able to love & respect a shy, passionate, intense woman such as i?
will i ever meet a man whose heart can destroy & create my heart anew within his?
will my soul ever experience the sweet death & rebirth found only in a soulmate's embrace?
will my world be shattered only to be rebuilt with new wonders & dreams?
Will you be the one?

Woman I once was..
.
bitterness, so cold inside
can i actually feel something?
shattered trust, dreams into dust
no tears, anger, hate
waste of emotion and effort
everything that i once was
can't find her anymore
where did the laughter go?
open trust has slammed the door shut
and thrown away the key
the fire has died, taking the warmth
the roses are gone
as is the woman i once was

One Night..
.
one night...
that's all it took.
just one night with him,
dreaming a dream that shattered even before the sun rose.
nothing is left except empty words on the screen,
ink on lifeless paper.
i buried his voice & his image deep...
i buried myself deeper because i died that night.
nothing is left of that woman once warm and open,
trusting and caring...
except quiet screams and coldness.
It was one night...
and nothing will ever be the same
Afraid..
.
I'm afraid of falling
I'm afraid to fly
I'm afraid of loving you
Inside I'm ready to die.
You hurt me in the present and past
My emotions are quite sore
You said you would love me forever
But it hurts now even more
You tell me to give you another chance
To prove your love to me
Another chance at romance?
We will seem to see.
I'm afraid of loving you
I'm afraid to care
I'm afraid to hold you close
For the fear will always be there.
Be On Your Way..
.
I'll never do it again!
Do they all have the same plan?
To take my heart,
And tear it apart,
And leave me all alone!
With no one to call my own!
I trusted you,
didn't think you'd do,
The same as the rest.
I thought you were better,
Possibly the best!
Now I've learned my lesson,
There's no one to rely on.
Who needs hugs and kisses?
Not me.
I don't even miss it!
Who am I trying to kid?
I sit and think about the things I did.
To let you take things this far.
You have left a major scar!
I thought you'd bandage my broken heart,
But instead you took it apart.
So, yes it's time for me to say,
I'm thru with you, "Be on your way."
But Then..
.
I wrote a song about you, But then, but then I ripped it up. I had a dream about you, But then, but then I woke up. I thought it was love, pure and true, I went into it with blinders on. I see now it was never love, I know now I should have opened my eyes. It seemed so right and meant to be, The future looked so bright and pleasant. Right, now seems to be a relative term, And my future is bright,
just with someone else as the sun.
I wrote a song about you,
But then, but then I ripped it up.
I had a dream about you,
But then, but then I woke up.
You were so perfect,
And I couldn't live without you.
Perfection is subjective,
And, well, here I am living without you.
I told my heart nothing could go wrong,
I was on top of the world with you.
Well what I've said turned out to be lies,
And the top of the world can so quickly fall to the
bottom.
I wrote a song about you,
But then, but then I ripped it up.
I had a dream about you,
But then, but then I woke up.
A sinlge tear drop..
.
One single tear I shed,
Not because I cannot shed more,
but because if I did my tears would be never
ending.
You knew that I would be strong and so you choose me.
You knew I would be able to carry out that great task.
You knew that you could count on me to do what was needed
Did you know that I too feel?
Did you stop to think what I had to sacrafice to be "strong".
Did you know that I would hide behind my wall and "bury" my feelings deep inside,
just like I buried you?
You knew I would be strong and you were right,
I was and will be only now because of all my sorrows that are trapped beneath my concrete form.
So although I try,
I can only shed one single teardrop for you.
Untitled..
.
When i look into your eyes
i see tears you refuse to cry
and in your heart you try to be so strong
but i know that you're hurting
why won't you let me help
do you know how badly
i want to hold you?
can't you see how much
i need you to trust me?
please
close your eyes
let go of your fears.

Dont..
.
Don't you want to talk to me
Don't you even care
I was here willingly
Can't you even see.
Don't you walk out the door
Don't you glance at me anymore
You had me and you gave me away
This is just another day.
Don't say you love me
Don't you say you care
Don't tell me that
"I'll always be there".
Don't give me a hug
Don't give me a kiss
Don't say this is just a lovers bliss.
Don't say goodbye
that this is the end..
For our love..will always bend..
Not Goodbye..
.
Forsaken innocence so easily given away.
While all of me is still here,
Something I once knew is not the same.
It seems as if my soul is broken
And cannot be repaired.
My defenses are down,
So each time I think of you
Or see you
Or feel your memory creep up,
The pain as a clear, cheap shot -
Straight to the heart.
The pain - it should be lessening,
But each day it only intensifies.
My heart - it slips sometimes
And a tear falls so slowly,
Dragging the pain along like a dagger as it crawls along my cheek.
I realize that I have only a memory left.
I hang on for dear life,
My heart and soul dying a little more
As my memories slip farther away.
And you - you move further on,
Leaving me to hold on and remember. . .
Something special, precious even.
Something your no longer part of; you no longer want,
Leaving me alone to suffer
While the world passes on
And I struggle within a memory
That edges slightly beyond the reach of my aching heart,
Trying to hold on
And yet trying to let go
Trying to avoid the pain I will feel
When I rip you from my heart,
Trying to tear away and say goodbye
With as little pain as possible.

I still do..
.
I see the sunset,Reflect in your eyes This is really the end,We must say, our last goodbye's I never thought this day would come,This I did not forsee We will never be "us",Only you,only me How could I hurt, My angel this way I've taken from you,A debt I can't repay You were a gift,Sent from above Beautiful as a flower,Gentle as a dove You gave it all to me,But i ask you for more I can only look away,As you walk out the door I miss you so much,Tho it has'nt been that long The blame is all mine,The reason your gone The dreams we shared,Will never come true I now close my eyes,If I want to see you The memories we shared,Are forever in my mind Another like you,I will never find Something from above,Brought you to my heart It is only me,That will keep us apart I can only dream,Of us being together Its all my fault,That you are now,Gone forever You stole my heart, With the skill of a thief I now stand alone,Wondering,In disbelief It will take time they say,For the wounds to heal Your the only one,Whow knows how i feel A long time ago,I wanted to fall in love with you I think you should know,I still do

In Silence I hate..
.
In Silence I Hate
Because we are so silent in this dark and angry place
The only remnant of our love,
are the tears upon my face
The confusion has been lifted and the pain has settled in
No recollection of who we were or what we could've been
The days we shared have come and went
And blessed are the word, that you never meant
Dare you say you love me and then walk out on me
Left me hopeless and destroyed by disbelief
Now filled with pain, i struggle to move on
With the lingering feeling of your presence
Of our love, that is now gone
I close my eyes and I hope and pray
That you come back to me someday
But this foolish dream is only what we'll never be
The heavenly illusion of what used to be you and me.
Its Over..
.
It's over, really over This time...
I know you never thought there'd come a day
You'd ever think to hear me say
It's over, really over
I'm tired of playing the game
I never win, it always ends the same
You play your game, play the field
I don't want to play anymore
You say you'll be true
Yet all your words are lies
It hurts so much because I know
My love for you will never die
But I have to let you go
We've played this game too many times before
It's time to cash in my chips
And what's left of my broken heart
And I'm moving on
(dedicated to Geoff written July 12 98)..
Unreachable..
Shine your spotlight on my flaws.
Go ahead, make me stand out.
Point your finger, laugh, call me names,
Tell me I don't belong.
I'm just one more mistake
In your perfect world.
Don't let me slow you down.
God forbid you let someone
Reach your heart.
You choose your ego over love,
Make me out to be the criminal
When it's really all your fault.
I'm sorry you ever met me.
Don't mind me.
I'll just crawl back under my rock
And watch from the darkness
While you lose your mind.
You never realize what you have
Until you push her away.
Congratulations.
You're now more alone
Than the stars you wished upon
To bring me here.
Empty Words....
Feeling of which
I can't define
empty words
Were left behind
This world of longing
of sorrow and pain
empty words
I can't explain
Memories of joy
I can't remember
empty words
will last forever
The words you say
you chose them well
empty words
evoke a spell
Dreams I had
they won't come true
empty words
said by you
Awakened to reality
each and every morning
empty words
brought many warnings
That you'd break my heart
I should have known
empty words
said on the phone
Just for fun
a summer fling
empty words
you'd always sing
All too easy
how it ended
empty words
meaning's transcended
Many feelings
you claimed aloud
empty words
evaporate like clouds
Feeling I've lost
what now was found
empty words
don't make a sound
Deep in your eyes
the truth was there
empty words
disquesed in a glare
You always said,
"we'll never part"
empty words
carved in my heart
"Love me"
I feel so selfish
empty words
are so precious
Those three words
you did not mean
empty words
not worth to redeem
Your promises
so deep..
empty words
you did not keep
Together again
we'll never be
empty words
mean so much to me..
~Go Back To My Main Page~

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