Issue #64 of The Pollack's Perspective (8-11-00)
Ti's the night before last, The sun has gone down and the moon has come up, Angels are dieing all through the night.
More then one man had the choice, More then one man had the knowledge, And more then one man made the choice.
This many man was a bit too many, No one could decide the choice, Too many man to fight the battle together.
Nothing was very complicated, Everything was right out of a fairy tale, Their was no real danger to the man, Heaven was just around the gate.
But now their is no more hope, The angles are bloodied and dead, God is a-bed and Jesus has been hung up again.
No one's fault but his own, He should have seen this coming, The Devil has won the game, The Devil has won the throne.
The world is at an end, The sun shall never set nor rise again, For the man could not decide what to do, For man is stupid when in a whole.
- Mihow: Wednesday, August 9th, Year 2K
(Before any of you read my column I would like to NOT apologize for anything I have to say in the following paragraphs...mainly the ones dealing with Politics. I know some of you people really care about that but I don't. Last Friday night I hung out with two of my friends, we went down to the intercoastal and chilled with three guys who are over forty and who we never met before. To put it plainly they just did not give a fuck about anything except the fishing they were doing. So in all honestly...why don't we all just live life like that?)
Random Thoughts - A non wrestling related political moment
Now this might not be wrestling related but I would like to share with everyone the fact that George W. Bush had a giant erection on live TV. Yes ladies and gentleman I joke you not. The man was sitting with his wife watching some speech or another and when the camera was on him he uncrossed his legs and his pants were sticking straight up. This might not be the best of reasons for Bush to be the President but it certainly doesn't hurt him in my eyes (note to fans: I am in no way gay, I just think its pretty funny how this guy got wood at the Republican National Convention). With that being said I would like to point out I just do not want Al Gore to be President. It is nothing personal but the guy looks like the nerd in school who everyone else messes with and takes their lunch money (note to readers: IM talking about when we were in grade school). Do you want someone like that running America?
I sure as hell do know want China or Canada getting any weird thoughts about world domination. And what about Russia's crushed dreams and hopes...its a Nazi party waiting to happen and you people know it. All I really know is that Bush is pro execution, which has been highlighted way too many times already. I don't know what Gore thinks and to put it frankly I don't truly know what Bush thinks. The bottom line Bush is the better liar and it is clear he will be President. The best liar has been Bill Clinton because we elected him for the past 8 years and everyone loves him. Bush will never be Clinton but Clinton has ruined the military, hopefully Bush can fix it so I can feel safe while people around the world are starving...but all I can do is chill out and see what the world turns my way.
On a wrestling related political topic Al Gore's running mate will be Jonathan Leibermann (?) who is on the council with the PTC...also Al Gore's wife is a freak because she is just as bad as any Christian with too much time on his/her hands. Remember I already DID NOT apologize for these comments earlier and its just my two cents anyways (didn't their used to be a column entitled "My Two Cents" or something?). The good thing being that Al Gore has no shot in hell of being the next President so we should really not worry about this sort of thing. Of course this is America and we, the people, as a whole are terribly stupid. Sure as singular beings we are all pretty smart but when we get a bunch of people together we begin to see that we are not as smart as we seem to think of ourselves. If Al Gore does become the President then I see wrestling, mainly the WWF, getting the boot. Let's just say that some shit will go down. Fortunately their will be a ton of ridicule about having the Vice President care about wrestling instead of foreign policy and trying to keep the peace in other countries, help the staring in 3rd. world countries and the such. So the good thing also being that Jay Leno and Dennis Miller will have a field day with this asshole so IM it might be a tad bit interesting to see what goes down. But like I said Bush is the next President of the United States of America, and that my friend's is my expert (ha) opinion.
World Championship Wrestling Perspectives
- Sure a lot of people wrote about this already but I am going to write about it and tell the world how it will prove to do absolutely nothing for anybody except for the millionaires that own WCW. World Championship Wrestling recently had those people who don't do anything except think of ways to cut back costs (here's an idea...fire these guys) and they made a list of guys they want gone from WCW. The list includes Hulk Hogan, Scott Hall, Buff Bagwell, Bill Goldberg, Lex Lugar and the stupidest thing I have ever heard Diamond Dallas Page. On a good note that shows these guys are not complete morons they say WCW should be built around Booker T, Jeff Jarrett, Scott Steiner, Sting and Kevin Nash, oh wait that just means they are even dumber. Before anyone thinks that this might just help WCW along with the storylines and the such I feel that this will do nothing but contradict everything that WCW wants to do. Apparently they want the young guys to finally get a chance but yet they want to base their new found love to a no talent wrestler (note I said wrestler and not the mic skills) like Steiner?
Let's first look at the people that WCW wants to get rid of so they get their precious money back. I am not mad because I realize everyone loves the money and since WCW is going to lose around 80 million dollars next year I guess something does not to be done about it. I think that Hulk Hogan leaving WCW is a bad thing but I think that Hogan can still go and I think that if he takes a few more months off Vince McMahon might just let him end his career with some more dignity. I feel that he might just get booed right out of the arena the first time anyone sees him in the WWF again but if that happens then he should just end a heel, though I think ending on being a face would be a good thing, but whatever gets him the dignity he deserves. I realize that Bill Goldberg is a headcase and just might be a real pain but if WCW gets rid of him I don't ever want to here anyone in WCW or on the Internet say how WCW will get back in the ratings in a few months. If Bill Goldberg leaves then I am 100% sure Vince McMahon would pick him up and along with him would come a pretty big chuck of WCW's audience. WCW would still survive without Goldberg because they have a big core fan base but that is kind of beyond the real point. Goldberg would be the biggest heel in the world if the WWF wanted it do be that way. Him going up against Steve Austin would make everyone jump around to see the Stone Cold Stunner when Goldberg tries to spear Austin.
Buff Bagwell really isn't too bad but he does have an attitude and he does have a big check book thanks to WCW so I really do see why they would want to get rid of this guy. He can be on top because the chicks will love him forever and if given an angle he could go big with it, but like I said it is up to them and they feel he is not worth it then so be it. Scott Hall is my wrestling hero. The first time I ever watched the WWF was when Razor Ramon was making fun of the 1-2-3 Kid because he was just a punk and Razor was a veteran of the ring. Everyone knows the story of how the 1-2-3 Kid (also my favorite Global gimmick being the Lightning Kid, and Buff Bagwell was the Handsome Stranger) got his first win ever against Razor. IM not saying he should go back their because the WWF has a whole lot of talent already but it would be nice. As for getting rid of Diamond Dallas Page I just do not understand it. He has been over as a face and a heel and he still has talent to do anything and be anything. Sure he probably has a pretty big pocket book as well but who cares? You need to spend money to get money and getting rid of him would be a mistake. I am not sure how WCW wants to not lose 80 million dollars by firing 6 guys who total about 10 million dollars or so but this is how WCW logic works so we should just let it flow like its flowing and laugh later, oh hell we should laugh now too because it's funny.
So the logical thing for me to do is to take a look at the saviors of World Championship Wrestling, eh? Since a lot of people are divided with the whole Booker T thing and whether or not he should be the champ or not and I am here to say that he should definitely be the World Champ right now, but he should not be counted for as a savior. I do not mind too much the whole comparison with the Rock because to me that doesn't matter too much but I do think that he has become too glitzy with his high style shirts and his prissy boy mic skills. Granted I still cheer for the guy but I cheer for the guy who wears spandex briefs to wrestling and can go with the best of them in a good wrestling match, I don't cheer for a black man who hits it big and starts praying to God (note: you think anyone of these supposed rappers who led a life of crime ever prayed during that time?). Maybe that was a harsh example their but it really is true, he looks way too stereotypical for me. I will still cheer for him and will continue to do so no matter what but he should not be counted on as a savior. Sting should be because everyone still loves him because of what he used to do, now all his matches look like shit...probably not his fault though. Kevin Nash and the rest are just BLAH and nothing more, going to continue to get cheers or booes but nothing special. And what the hell happened to the great Double J heel? Did WCW fuck this one up as well?
So in closing with these thoughts I think that WCW will continue to suck until some new writer's come aboard. WCW has the talent when you take a look at it and all it needs is someone to push them to greatness. Vince Russo and Eric Bitchoff are not the men to take them their because all they mostly want is their own asses to be on TV so they can get more and more famous, even though people think that they are complete losers and the such now, its a shame they feel like their Gods (hey we the wrestling columnists are the only ones that should feel like were God's). No matter what shakes up in WCW the programming will not get any better and nothing new will happen. So in this I have a Final Solution, no not the one where we go off and kill a bunch of people because of their beliefs...though it would be kind of fun with Easy E. and Vince Russo, but rather these two simple words that hold so much emotion: Death Matches.
- Its a long hard road to Hell...say goodbye to Alex Wright. I have no idea how the little Hell comment comes into play with Alex Wright but I am listening to Marilyn Manson's "Anti-Christ Superstar" and so I thought the comment appropriate. I remember when Alex just danced like a fool all the time with his hot pink or hot green tights and everyone hated him because he just had the look of a German punk kid that doesn't give a damn about anything. WCW really messed up with the Berlyn gimmick because Alex just looked like total garbage with that gimmick. When I saw the little video's before Berlyn actually made his debut I thought that it he will be pretty cools and that I will boo for him because he will make me want to boo for him, or some such sentiment we all share with wrestlers (kind of like how losers watch soap operas). But I soon realized that this was stupid and WCW just screwed up big time, which was the very first time I saw this guy in the ring. He went from being a pretty boy dancer with a good tan to being the whitest person I think that I have ever seen. He went from being a pretty talented wrestler to not being able to carry Chris Benoit in a match. He went from being over with the fans to being booed because everyone just wanted him off TV. Maybe this really was WCW's fault or maybe Alex Wright just lost what he once had. Either way this is better then paying the guy to sit at him so a big yay needs to go to WCW for finally firing this guy.
World Wrestling Federation Perspectives
- So is the man of a 1,000 holds gonna be a pimp? Granted this would get him over for a little while but lets take a look at Malenko shall we? He looks like my dad...and probably your dad too. He has that short cut hair that just makes him look way too strict and a prick and he has a wrestling talent that is not for this new generation outside of ECW. If he gets ho's to walk around with him outside all the time then he will need to put some weave in his hair and get a completely new name that will fit his pimpness. This is not to say I will not enjoy watching Malenko with a bunch of hot ho's by his side but the Godfather has been a pimp for so long (even before all of the ho's) that we have all just grown accustomed to him and I don't know how I'll feel about getting a completely new pimp. I still say that the Goodfather will revert back to being a pimp after some months of being the Goodfather. Maybe if this holds to be true and Malenko continues his pimp gimmick then the two can team up and we can have two pimps in which people can complain the only reason they are over is because of the girls. In which I will argue that the only reason that Chris Benoit is over is because he is Shane McMahon's personal ho...so what's the difference? As long as Malenko gets to wrestle and use that Texas crap thingy as a finisher I am sure that I will be happy with this new gimmick of his, whatever it takes to get the 4 Radicals over while letting them wrestle is all fine by me.
- Mic Foley is still the Commissioner...good thing or bad thing? Thumbs up or thumbs down? Left or Right? Half filled or half empty? Man fuck that Mic Foley is my hero!!! All he used to do in the wrestling ring that was anywhere near what might be called wrestling talent was an armdrag or two in a match. I remember (more as I have tapes) of his extreme action in Japan with Terry Funk mostly, and also a bunch of Japanese wrestlers that he had long running feuds with. Over their a feud is so much different then it is here in America, or atleast it was in the 80's. They used to yell at each other behind the scenes and then they used to beat the shit out of each other while using flaming chairs, those things you brand cows with (which were also afire), barbed wire, knives and blades and everything else that you can imagine, it was their.
When he came to America I am sure his body was already screwed from everything that he had been doing so everything he did here, which was nothing compared to what he did their, just hurt him all the more. Well now that we all had our Mic Foley history lesson of the week let me get to being the commissioner part. Aside from being a major face commissioner and always being on the good guys side, I think its a pretty cool thing that this guy is the commish. I would love to see a commissioner who is not for the face or for the heel because I don't think I can remember anything of the sort anywhere in my wrestling viewing past. I really hope to see Foley in a Death Match sometime in the future and my expert prediction is that we will see Foley in atleast one more match down the line. I am also predicting the ring to have no ropes and rather be surrounded solely by barbed wire, maybe some glass covered barbed wire at ring side and a few flaming things and you have yourself the was Mic should go out...BANG BANG!!!
Extreme Championship Wrestling Perspectives
- My favorite new wrestler in ECW, Chilly Willy, might be getting pinned in with the Sandman? This really makes me happy because all the world now needs is a black version of Lash Laroux, and I actually really do mean that. Besides that fact, Chilly Willy looks like D-Lo Brown's younger brother down to the facial expressions that they share. So why in the world do I love Chilly Willy so gosh darned much? I dunno its just one of those things and he's one of those wrestlers that I just want to watch and I never get tired, or in this case never will tire, of watching on TV. After the tag champions have been heels the last time around with the Impact Players (which I thought were great tag champions because they could wrestle, they had mic skills, they had a hot valet, I mean what didn't they have?) I think it is time to have some good face tag champs. Sure this is another one of those tag teams that really do not make sense but this is ECW so who will care? Nobody. Paul Heyman is just trying to get Willy over the most in the shortest possible amount of time. For some strange reason this guy is already pretty over without any real TV recognition but then again that is exactly what ECW was base upon so I understand why he would be cheered, just a little stupefied (ya that's a word). I don't know if these guys will win the titles but I can only hope that they do so my favorite black man can have some gold around his waste. If you take exception to me, a white guy, saying that Willy is my favorite black guy you need to put a gun to your head and blow...and then tell the world Mihow told you to do it. Isn't this guy like a reigning strongman champion or something too?
- Tony Mamaluke, Little Guido and Big Sal Graciano are together known as the FBI...who in the world is Tony Smuthers? I am sure some of you weirdo's out their will e-mail me and tell me IM an idiot for not knowing who the guys is but atleast IM not lying and saying I know everything about everyone. So for those of you who actually do know everything their is to know about the guy I would appreciate it if you could tell me. I have no idea whether or not the FBI was ever really famous or if they ever dominated or if they ever had some great feuds but I do know that I now love this semi-mismatched team. If anyone has seen American History X then you will notice how Big Sal looks just like the fat guy in that movie. Well that doesn't have anything to do with anything but I figured I would throw that in their because that movie was fucked up, especially at the end when the black kid shot the white kid. As for Tony Mamaluke the guy already has had about 20 (?) or so concussions so he will be brain dead soon and I guess I like him because he will be gone soon, well no actually I cheer for him because the guy can fly and he does some crazy shit everytime he has a match.
Which makes you think that that's the reason that Mamaluke hasn't been wrestling much lately. As for Guido, he is just a kickass Italian midget. This group is over for a few reasons and this is the exact reason I cheer (or rather boo) for them too: one of them is fat, one of them is the little kid that will mess with everyone knowing that his big brother would kick everyone's ass and the other is the big brother that everyone knows will punk out anyone who messes with his friends. Oh yea two of the guy are actually talented in wrestling too...go figure. Big Sal needs to ask what the hell Blue Boy (which gay's use as a name for something or another, just wanted to throw that in their) about losing some god damned weight.
- The man beast Rhino...his character on TV sucks but if I ever met this crazy bitch on the streets I am sure we would be fast friends. And I bet you thought I would say that I would run for my life, eh? Well no because crazy people such as this are usually the coolest people to talk to. Now I, of course, am talking about the gimmick Rhino and not the person behind it because I have no idea what the person behind it is really like, and I seem to be the only one that realizes that a gimmick really is just a gimmick and when the camera is off the gimmick are off as well. So maybe the guy is a midget and it seems a little weird to have this guy beating up on everyone else but the guy is so damn built that it usually doesn't matter. I sometimes wonder if the guy can see his own dick while looking down. I know that expression usually goes for fat people but Rhino really doesn't have a neck that can be seen plainly and so I wonder if he can bend it far enough to see. Unlike most people I see no reason to be built like Rhino is built outside of the sports world (which wrestling still is) and when I see guys like this on the outside working out and working on their muscles it kind of sickens me, no need for it. I don't care how small your penis is, big muscles are just going to emphasize (yes that's exactly how I want it spelled...note the humor) the fact. Oh yeah, I think Rhino is pretty cools...but most of the time it just seems weird when he's out in the ring.
Mihow
Sayin Peace and Chicken Grease
