They couldn’t be together any more.
It wasn’t possible. Physically, mentally, emotionally or otherwise.
Neither of them could do it.
Or maybe it was because she wouldn’t do it. She had made that very clear. He was grateful that he found out about it. But it still hurt.
There had always been a part of him that knew. He knew that something like this was going to happen sooner or later.
He was glad it happened when it did. Right before leaving for a tour. He could concentrate on the music. The music and the fans. And his friends.
They would help him forget.
At least he hoped they would.
He worked. He worked hard. Getting that dance move down and making sure that he hit that note. He preformed every show flawlessly. And the others were starting to worry about him.
It was all rage now. Pure hatred for her. For the pain that she had caused him. For the whole in his heart.
This rage, the force that drove him to perfection and beyond was building up inside. He was a walking time bomb, at any second ready to explode.
But he never let anyone know it. The others guessed, he knew, and they were right. But he still kept it inside. He didn’t want her to ever find out what she had done to him. He didn’t want her to know that he could be in so much pain because of her actions.
That would be letting her know that she had defeated him.
He couldn’t let her win.
He kept the rage, and the hatred inside. He kept it inside for as long as possible.
It had been about two months after Aria had broken his heart.
It had been about two months since his rage had appeared.
The rage and the hatred and the... and the sadness.
Aria had brought all of that into his life. In a few seconds he had found all of these new emotions.
Emotions he never wanted to find.
Aria had almost destroyed him
But with a few little words from one of his friends, all his rage was gone. It disappeared.
“Guys,” JC said, walking into the green room after their last performance of the tour. “Guys!” He raised his voice this time and the other four stopped immediately. “Guys this is my cousin, Raina.”
Justin froze.
“Hello.” She said to them, as a group.
“Raina, these guys are Joey, Lance, Chris and Justin. They are the people that I have to spend my time on a tour bus with.
“I’ m sure they exactly always thrilled to have to be on the bus with you all the time, either JC.”
She then said hello to all of the guys. When she walked up to Justin, he looked up and into her eyes. All the rage, the hate, the pain. It was all gone, with one look into her deep green eyes. It vanished.
He didn’t feel alone any more. He felt like he could do anything.
But as it often does, reality slapped him in the face. She wasn’t going to stay here. She was just visiting. She would go back and the rage would again take over his body, mind and life.
“Hello” He said softly, still looking into her eyes. She looked back.
“What’s wrong?” Raina asked. She read it in his eyes. His tell - all eyes. The deep sadness and rage.
I have no idea what you are talking about. That’s what his mind was telling him to say to her. But his heart and lack of rage consuming his body told him otherwise. They told him that he could trust her. That she would never make him feel the rage that he felt for Aria for her as well.
He had no idea what he was doing. His mind was no longer in control. His heart was doing everything for him. He grabbed her hand and pulled her into his dressing room.
“Do you really want to know what’s wrong?” He asked her as soon as the door was shut. She nodded with out hesitation. He began digging through his duffel bag, knowing that it was in there somewhere. A minute later he found what he was looking for. In the bottom of the bag. “This is what’s wrong.”
He handed her the picture frame. “But you look so happy....” Raina said.
He nodded. “We were. Or at least that’s what I thought, but I was apparently wrong. She wasn’t happy. But instead of telling me, she...... she....” If he managed to get the words out she would be the first person, besides the guys, to know about it.
“What did she do?”
Justin looked into her eyes again. They were warm and kind. Nothing like Aria eyes. Nothing at all likes the cold, shallowness of her crystal blue eyes. Once again, looking into Raina’s eyes, he could tell she was to be trusted.
“She slept with other guys.” He said it flat out and without hesitation this time. “We had never slept together and I was always gone. Her excuse was that she got lonely.”
“But you were lonely too...” She said, sitting down next to him. He only nodded, his eyes never leaving hers. “I’m sorry.”
“So am I.”
“The rage. The rage is not there though.”
“It disappeared. I don’t feel it anymore.”
“But why? I know it was there before. I could see it.”
“It’s gone now. It’s gone because of you.”
“Me?”
“Yes.... I don’t exactly know why.... But it’s gone now.”
They were quiet for a few minutes. “What was it like?”
“What do you mean?”
“To hate that much. To have all that anger built up inside of you and not being able to let it out. To feel that much rage going through your body and not being able to stop it.”
Justin thought carefully about her question. “I’m not sure. Sometimes I would feel like I was on fire. Lava was going through my veins instead of blood. I saw red constantly. But other times I just wanted to die. Knowing that it wouldn’t matter to her, I wanted to die.”
“Justin, don’t say that. You couldn’t have wanted to die.”
When she said his name, he froze again. Something about the way she said his name was so familiar.
“Justin, will you please push me on the swings?” A girl a year younger then he asked.
“Sure Rain.” He responded, smiling. They walked to the park across the street and played on the swings.
Justin had been 9 and Rainbow was 8. They had lived next door to each other since she was 4.
“Justin?” She asked once he had her swinging high on the swing. “Why do you have to move?”
“Rain, we’ve already been over this a thousand times. I have to go to Orlando to become famous. Then I can come back and get you. And we can live next door to each other in Florida.”
“Oh.... OK.” She dropped the subject and went back to giggling every time Justin make the swing go higher then it had the last time.
“Rain?”
“You figured it out... I was wondering how long it would take you.” She said with a small smile on her face.
“But ho- wha-...JC’s cousin?”
“Actually, no I’m not. I saw him outside and asked him if he could do me a huge favor. He agreed after I told him that I had known you when we were little and showed him my backstage pass.”
“Wow.... I can’t believe he agreed to it.”
“Justin? How come you never came back, like you said you would?”
“I’m sorry... so so sorry.... But how about I make it up to you. We have about 4 months off to record our new album, and I would really like to spend some time with you, so why don’t you go back to Orlando with me?”
“I don’t know...”
“Come on.... Please.... For poor little Justin that just poured his heart and soul out to you, please?” He said, pleading with his eyes.
“OK, but only because I can’t resist you when you do that.” She said.
“I know, I’m just so irresistible!”
“Yeah... that’s it...”
“Come on, let’s go tell everyone!”
The rage was gone. His sadness left. Because through the lose of someone that he thought loved him he gained someone who really did.
He found out that Raina had changed her name due to a few problems with her ex- boyfriend. But after moving to Orlando, she never had another ex-boyfriend. Like they had planned she moved in next door to him. The next door down the hall from his in his house.
Her pain and his where gone and in finding each other again they gained something that neither of them ever lost. True love.
They did come across Aria a few times, many years later. But only because she worked the street corner across from the daycare where they took their kids.
She remembered Justin and looked at Raina with disgust. Until Justin introduced them. Then it was Raina’s turn to look at Aria with disgust and Aria looked at Raina in amazement.
Not so many years after that they heard of a prostitute being killed. “Aria Hanford.” Was what the news said.
With those two words Justin’s hate would forever be extinguished. The actions that had killed his relationship with Aria had also killed her. And that night, after hearing the story, he turned the TV off.
The kids where in bed sound asleep, resting for another day of school. He slid down further under the blankets and moved closer to his wife.
“I love you. Goodnight.” He whispered, and kissed her on the forehead.
“I love you too, Justin.” Raina said and snuggled up next to him, falling asleep a few minutes later.
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