Chapter 5

"Hey Jessie! Where's A.J.?" Brian
asked as I opened the bathroom door.

"What's up B?" I asked slapping his hand.

"Lou wants to talk to you, seems we have a photo shoot and
interviews booked all day tomorrow," Brian said as I turned to
Jessie's saddened face.

"Does he want to talk now?" I asked making the 'stall-for-me' face.

"Nah, I'll call you when in a few," Brian said as I nodded.

"Thanks bro," I said as he nodded.

"No problem. Bye Jess," Brian said as she waved sadly.
As I shut the front door, Jessie shut the bedroom door. I sighed and walked over
to the bedroom door to open it…she locked me out!

"Baby open the door," I said knocking on the door.

"No! You're just going to comfort me when I'm sad!" She said as I
knew she was crying.

"And is that a bad thing?" I asked confused.

"Why is it when you're with me you're not? I can't even see
you without you having something to do!" She cried.

"I'm obligated baby! I can't cancel; it's like a job I have to
do! If I had a choice believe me I wouldn't do it, but I have to!"

"I won't see you at all tomorrow," she
cried harder as I sat down next to the door.

"I'm sorry baby I don't know
what to tell you," I said with a sigh.

"I miss you and you're not even gone yet," she said as I wiped a tear from my eye.

"I know, believe me, I do too," I said with a sigh. There
was a long pause, I didn't know what to do or say but sit there. She
opened the door as I jumped up to see her tearful face. She
hugged me as she cried, I held her in my arms and prayed that
she'd come home to me.

"I'm sorry that I'm being difficult," she said as I kissed her forehead.

"If you were being difficult I'd tell you," I said as she giggled.

"Then what is this if it's not being difficult?" She
asked as I wiped her tears.

"Believe me, the only person I know that is difficult and has
always been difficult is Nick," I said as she laughed. I brushed my hand
across her cheek and grinned, "I wouldn't love you if you were difficult."

"If you love me then why are you leaving?" She asked as I
walked away from her. I couldn't believe she said that!

"Well if you love me then why are you on the other side
of the ocean?" I asked as she got angry as well.

"I can't help that! This is where I belong!"

"You don't belong with Johnny, your friends,
the guys…me?" I yelled.

"I have to be here!" She yelled.

"You don't have to be here, you want to be here!"

"You know what A.J.? You're right, I don't love you. I'm a
bitch for wanting to go to a great college and be the
best I can be! I hate you!" She yelled slamming her door.

"What did I just witness?" Jason asked as I looked at him angrily.

"What did it look like to you?" I asked.

"Maybe I should go," Jason said as Jessie opened the door in tears.

"No Jay, come in please," she said as I shrugged.

"Fine, send him in. Fuck this," I slammed the front door and ran
down the stairs. I took out my cell phone
from my pocket and called Brian.

"Hello?" He asked.

"B, its A.J. Can you come get me? I'm at Jessie's
apartment complex," I said sitting down on the curb.

"Yeah sure, I was on my way to come get
you anyways," Brian said as I nodded.

"Thanks buddy," I said hanging up my
phone and looking at the cars that drove by.

"A.J. come back, Jessie's hysterical in there," Jason said as I
turned to him and gave him the finger. "Please? She needs you."

"I think she needs you more, thanks anyway," I
said adjusting my sunglasses.

"I'll leave, I will I promise.
Just go back in there and talk to her, she's…"

"Look," I said standing up and getting in front of his face.
"Ever since I got here you've been nothing but fucking
trouble for me, so fuck off asshole," I said sitting back down.

"Fine…but if you think leaving her is the way to solve
everything that's going on…you are so wrong," he said
walking off. I had to admit the asshole was right, I walked
up the stairs to apologize for the 3rd time since I got
there. I was getting tired of it; it was her fault anyways!

"Hello?" I asked opening the front door. "Jessie?"
I asked opening her bedroom door. I saw her lying on her bed facing
the wall, a box of tissues aside her. "Jason told me to come back,
and I think he was right to tell me to," I explained. "I'm sorry, I really…
really mean that. I was only thinking about me."

She sniffed as I walked over to the wall, Jason
was definitely right. Tears were coming like a water hose, she looked
miserable.

"Will you talk to me?" I asked kneeling to her gentle face.
"Please?" She continued to stare out into space. "You're going to make
me cry," I said sadly. "Please?"

"Hey A.J.?" Brian asked from the front door.

"Wait a second B!" I yelled. "Brian's taking me to
rehearsal, I have to go. But I'm not going to until you talk to
me," I whispered. "Baby please," I said as I started to get teary eyed. "You
hate me don't you?"

"A.J. come on we're going to be late!" Brian said.

"I'm busy hold on!" I yelled as my voice
scratched. I looked at her, worried.

"Jessie are you okay?" Brian asked from the door.

"I'll be fine Brian, have fun at rehearsal," she said sadly as I
sighed. I looked at Brian and gave him the 'go
away' look. He nodded and shut the door.

"You never loved me," I said as she looked at me. "You hate me
don't you?" I asked as tears welled up in my eyes. Tears
came down my face as she looked even worse.
She took off my sunglasses as we looked into each other's eyes.

"I will always love you, even when you're difficult," she
whispered as I nodded. "I can't believe
you cry," she said with a small laugh.

"Sorry," I said standing up. I wiped my eyes with my wife
beater and grabbed my sunglasses off the floor. "I'll be back
soon," I said as I walked to the door. I heard Jessie moved as
I turned to two delicate arms wrapped around me tight.
I held onto her for what seemed to be forever.

In all my life, I never cared so much for anyone as I did for her.
She was what I dreamed of, what I never stopped loving, and what
I will never stop thinking of. Jessie is the only person in my life that I care so
much about that I cry when she does things that scare me
or sadden me. I couldn't lose her ever.

"I never meant what I said about before. I know how much you
love me," she whispered as I closed my eyes and held her.

"You will never know how much I love you," I said with a sigh.
I looked at her face and kissed her softly. "I'll be back soon,"
I said opening the door.

"Oh my God, is THE A.J. McLean crying over a girl?" Brian
asked as he stopped at the stop sign.

"It's not just a girl Brian, you'll understand someday when it happens
to you," I said wiping my eyes and putting my sunglasses back on my face.

"Do you love her that much A.J.?"

"I can't even tell you how much B, she's everything to me," I
said with a sigh. "If I lose her I lose everything."

"That's a lot," he said as I laughed.

"Yep," I said as we laughed.

After rehearsal, Brian dropped me off in a rental car Brian got to drive around in.

"You have a good night A.J.," Brian said as I slapped his hand.

"Have fun partying tonight, see ya tomorrow," I said as his car sped off.
I walked up the stairs and looked at the door. 'Do I walk in or
knock?' I asked myself. I shrugged and opened the
door to the amazing site that I saw.
Candles around the apartment lit, soft music on, dinner…

"Took you forever to get here," Jessie said walking out of her
bedroom. My mouth dropped at the site of her. She was wearing a
beautiful black satin dress that came up to her thighs
and her hair was put up.

"T…t…there was traffic," I managed to say. She walked over to
me and wrapped her arms around my neck with a smile
that I loved so much.

"I slave over a hot stove and get myself fixed up and you
won't come home until the late hours of the night?" She said
as I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Where's my beer and my remote? The latest football game is
on and I bet on this one," I said as she laughed.
She kissed me lightly as I tasted strawberries.

"Strawberries?" I asked.

"Lip gloss," she said with a giggle. She took my hand and led me
over to the table. "Got your favorite," she said as I laughed.

"You got McDonalds?" I asked as she giggled.

"Well I can't cook those, now you have the best right?"
She asked as I smiled. I kissed her lightly as we sat down.

"Oh and you even have the iced tea that I love," I said as she nodded.

"Took forever for me to find it," she said as I grinned.

"I hate to say this, it's never happened to me before but…I'm not
hungry for food," I said as she stopped drinking
her water. She put it down and looked at me.

"Well Alex, what are you hungry for?" She
asked with a grin. I got up as she did.

"Dance with me?" I asked as she smiled.

"Love to," she said as I took her hand over to the stereo.
I turned it up and took her in my arms. It was Jon Secada's
'Angel,' the one song that Howie sung over and over on
tour that I memorized. I started to sing with it:

I, I can't read the future
But I still wanna hold you close
Right now, I need that from you
So give me the morning
Sharing another day with you
Is all I want to know

Jessie kissed my neck softly as I stopped singing. She
looked up at me and kissed me slowly, putting her tongue
softly into my mouth as she knew I'd die for that. I stopped her
and looked at her. I picked her up as she giggled like crazy!

"A.J. what are you doing!?!" She asked as I walked to the bedroom.

"I'm doing what we both want!" I said as she giggled. I
put her down softly on the bed and looked at
her beautiful body. Each time I looked at it I melted.

"What if I say no?" She asked.

"I'll rape you," I said as we laughed.

"Thanks A.J.," she said with a laugh.
"You know what the scary part is?"

"Hmm?" I asked kissing her neck softly.

"That will never happen," she said as I smiled.

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