THE BEASTIE BOYS walk out of interviews if the going gets tough or intolerable. Last week they left some hapless journalist in tears. They nearly beat the s**t out of a local reporter yesterday, and the Sunset Marquis hotel in Los Angeles lobbed their little bottoms out-out-out recently after a midnight orgy in the jaccuzzi and a table in the swimming pool. Which leads me to the following ...

Remember when your Mum told you to keep away from the big bad boys three houses down the street because they were trouble-makers? And do you remember when you eventually saw those big bad boys and discovered they were actually four feet tall and skinny?

Picture, then, my reaction when I finally meet the big, bad Beasties. Christ, did I ever have to supress my laughter! These Boys are not the ogres they're rumoured to be; this is your everyday bunch of kids having a good damn time.

But see, when your album's platinum, when you're aged 18, 19 and 20 and when the royalties are rolling in, it really does give you a huge license to ill against as many people as you can in a day,

Yes, the Beastie Boys are arrogant, rude, self-assured, badboy assholes of the highest order. And yet somehow, to my twisted mind, these are also their most endearing qualities.

'It's the greatest thing, man, that three average s**theads like us are riding around LA in a white Rolls Royce the size of this room." Mike D speaks, a man who enjoys his trappings.

"It's amazing man, riding down the strip blasting out Motorhead and the Ramones, screaming abuse at people ... it's a scream. And CBS are paying for it all!" "It proves to the kids that you can be an asshole ... and get paid, man!" adds Ad-Rock (Adam Horowitz), the Beastie with the biggest piece of elastic in his jaw.

"We don't feel no different at all, the main difference is that we have a lot more money to have fun with now. If we weren't screamin' at people from a white Rolls Royce, we'd be screamin' at them from some scummy New York sidewalk. We always have fun.'

HOW DOES it feel to be called a Metal/rap band?

"How do you feel when people call you four eyes, man? Does it bum you out?" screams Ad-Rock.

I am not wearing my contact lenses. It does 'bum me out' a great deal, and my normal reaction would involve a fist and the speaker's mouth. But I know that this is a Beastie wind-up, so I keep my cool and repeat the question.

"If people feel they have to put a label on us, then that's their problem," replies a serious MCA (Adam Yaunch). "We don't think of ourselves in those terms, but if people want to then I really don't give a f**k."

What about the label marked 'outrageous' that has been pinned on the Beasties? Isn't it all just a touch too Pistols '77?

Mike-D gets deadly serious. "We aren't outrageous as such. We have our fun, but the reason people call us outrageous is because we aren't full of crap; we're not bulls**t artists or yes-men. We are honest to ourselves and our fans, we don't bow to anyone. So what is there left to call us but bad boys? I suppose you could call us bad boys like the Pistols if you wanted to, but we're just being ourselves."

Cue Ad-Rock: "I reckon that Mike-D actually looks more like a Billy Idol than a Pistol," (Cue laughter, smirking and a brief flurry of 'who-we're-really like' dialogue).

I bet that John Lydon was suitably impressed by such cheek when the Beasties opened up on tour for PIL.

"John Lydon was cool, man, although he was pretty f**kin' obnoxious. Everywhere we meet up, the guy always outdoes us," complains Mike D.

"Yeah, in Washington DC we were throwin' the cold-cut platter around, and he did somethin' like piss on the wall. We got on good, he's a cool guy," confirms MCA.

"Y'know, we just did 'American Bandstand' the other day," says Ad-Rock, gettin' serious, "Which is kinda like your 'Top Of The Pops', and we become the only band ever to get edited. Not even the Pistols got edited when they did it. It was because we all grabbed our newest band member Elouise, a topless dancer, and spun her around ... she dances in a birdcage, man!"

The question has to be asked ... how did Madonna react to Beastie behaviour when the lads toured with her?

"People do not give Madonna the credit she deserves, man. She's a real outrageous fun-loving girl," states Mike-D.

'"That woman's wild, I swear on my life," says MCA. 'She smashed a TV set on the 'Virgin Tour' one night, no s**t, and she smashed it with a sledgehammer from the top, the manly way." Obviously, the Beasties could probably tour with anyone. "No way," spits Mike-D, "Bon Jovi would be too much. I've said it once, I'll say it again, we challenge Bon Jovi to an MC battle of the bands. They keep wimping out, we'll go for it any time man, any time."

"Yeah, I usually don't leave the house without 12 scarves and fishnets on my head," deadpans Ad-Rock, before Mike-D suddenly explodes.

"We were talkin' about outrage, and what is and isn't. That bunch of bulls**t yes-men Sigue Sigue Sputnik are false idiots, man. Wearing fishnets isn't outrageous, it's pussy bull ... they are yes-men. We threw eggs at them when they were at the New York Palladium, it was the least we could do."

"That's one thing with rap, man, it's got gut feeling and true commitment, which is why it will always be big," states Ad-Rock.

But why is it that hard Speed Metal and basic rock 'n' roll is being linked to rap in such way at the moment?

"It's the attitude, man. The on market we would never have thought of getting was the Hardcore HM fans, but it kinda makes sense in as much as the styles may be comin' from opposite directions but they kinda meet head-on, attitude wise. There's a lotta good new things being tried in Metal and rap," announces Mike-D. "I mean, I love LL Cool J just like I love Motorhead ... although Lemmy should ditch those white cowboy boots, man. He's a cool guy, but those boots are pussy, man ...

"Slayer's a cool band too in some ways, but they ain't doin' much that's for HM. I ain't being nasty, man.

"There's far too much polish in the records comin' out now, and this is where Rick Rubin takes a lotta credit, man. He produces records with emotion and feeling, like ours, Slayer's, Run DMC's . . ."

So why has the time for rap arrived now? What's helped?

"The 'Walk This Way' hit single helped us and Run DMC a lot, because it helped to bridge a black/white gap', continues Mike D. "There's been a lotta involved in holding rap back from the media."

"The funniest thing about the attitude change towards rap and ourselves is the bulls**t. We were banned from the CBS New York offices, but now we're platinum they love us, man. On our last trip to England, the NME s ran a spread on us calling us nothing. Now they give us a cover telling us we're the only thinql"

"They say rap will die", sneers Ad Rock, "but they said that about rock 'n' roll, man ... fuck 'em, 'cause we know they only wanna knock us' cause we 're big!"