two turntables and a microphone

by Lauren Zoric

The Beastie Boys world tour on the back of their fifth album, Hello Nasty, was rumoured to include Australia (as part of the Big Day Out), so when it was postponed to February, anticipation had reached fever pitch. Melbourne's community radio lynchpin, Triple R, was offered the chance to broadcast 'Radio Nasty' - a unique and previously untried idea where the Beastie Boys would take over the airwaves, pirate radio style - and link it up to community stations nationally, the first broadcast of its type in the world.Radio Nasty was dreamed up by the Pav Corporation, the promoters behind the tour, but mostly their publicist, Jo Wilson. Unable to secure the official promotional backing of Triple J, Wilson approached Triple R and suggested the broadcast.The idea grew when it was conceived that the radio satellite link up, ComRadSat, would carry the broadcast live to a national audience via 2SER in Sydney, 3D in Adelaide, 4ZZZ in Brisbane and 6RTR in Perth. JUICE was permitted access but the band's management refused permission for even a five minute interview.Upon arriving at 4.30pm, Jesse (JUICE's photographer) and I are greeted by Wilson, and led through the labyrinth corridors of Melbourne Park, where just a few weeks ago the Australian Open was in play.The backstage room where the broadcast is to be held is a concrete bunker - laminex tables and chairs, neutral tones... Where are the ashtrays? The beer rider? This ain't rock & roll, it's a detention centre. Bad boy behaviour is clearly a relic from the past.Nervous Triple R crew and technicians are making last minute adjustments. Two competition winners perch much too politely, while Triple R presenter, Karen Leng - who is to introduce the event and provide any links and cues for the band - paces. There is a tangible sense of not wanting to rock the boat in case the wrong thinks is said or done. Has all the spontaneity gone out of rock? At 4.45pm, this is no time to consider the ramifications of the corporatisation of popular music.The equipment includes one clock, one minidisc recorder, two CD players, one mixing desk, an ISDN connector, a dominator/limitator, five mikes, two turntables, one mixer, two foldback speakers and nine bottles of Mount Franklin drinking water. Written on Garbage promotional notepaper is "Radio Nasty on community radio around Asutralia," in case anyone gets disorientated.It's all rather sterile. A large expanse of blue carpet separates the designated DJ area. Jesse is told he has a whole five minutes at the start to snap the band in all their glory.Without the slightest fanfare, Mike Diamond opens the door at 4.55pm and strides in with packages of vinyl under his arm. Ad Rock (Adam Horovitz) and MCA (Adam Yauch) follow shortly toting their own arsenal. They head straight for three chairs, sit in formation and start ripping off the paper bags bearing logos from Big Star Records in Adelaide, Greville Records in Melbourne, and The Record Finder in Fremantle, strewing records over the floor.I clock what the hip trio are wearing: Mike D in X-Large navy pants, boxer shorts peeking over the top, Nike Sneakers, blue T-shirt, left lobe earring and wedding ring. Greying MCA has a hooded navy sweat with an Auto Wash Log on the back, DC trainers, and nondescript green pants. Ad Rock sports a mustard "Very Ape" t-shirt, bottle green pants scissored off and frayed at the ankle, Nike sneakers and a tech looking watch. Ideas are thrown around. 20 minutes each? "What if I cut someone off?" Ad Rock queries. Can they keep going after the allotted hour is up? The tech, Bill Runting, shows them how the decks and the mixer work. There is a great deal of confusion. Ad Rock realises there is no doohickey to facilitate playing 45s and sends promoter, Stephen Pavlovic, or Pav, on a mission to retrieve one from Mixmaster Mike.I'm trying to see what records they've got: Jorge Ben, the Cars, Brazilliance!, 100% Dynamite, Can, Ronnie Burns (!), The Lost Hip Hop Instrumentals, Funkadelic, Shinehead, Pulp Fusion "Ghetto Jazz and Funk Classics" On air time is fast approaching and Mike D steps up to the decks. Karen Leng introduces the broadcast to the national audience and we're away with a loose, spacey vocal dub with funky drummer beats. Panel operator Bobby Fletcher asks Mike D if he wants the mikes turned on. "No!" he says. "Turn them off!" Any hopes for freestyle MC rapping dwindle rapidly.It's fair to say there is no plan to speak of, and there seems to be confusion about how to switch between vinyl and CD as Ad Rock flicks through a pile of 45s. Old Skool hip hop from Schooly D and reggae by the Upsetters is heard before MCA takes over with "Shock Me" from Ace Freshley's solo album. Trashy 70s rock? Just as well they never gave up their day jobs as MCs, I'm thinking, because they're really bad DJs!No one is saying anything. Then Ad Rock starts talking about a song his father used to sing to him before he went to bed at night. Right Said Fred's "Too Sexy" brings laughter into the room. Mike D puts on "Push The Button" from Money Mark's latest album and says it's "Mark's son's birthday today." Boldly, I ask Wilsom for permission to approach the band. Granted! Karen Leng introduces me to Ad Rock, who has displayed the most outgoing nature thus far, amiable and chatty. He tells me that they all buy records from every city they visit. His routine is to check in, swill coffee, go to the bathroom, then hop in a car and drive around to shops to scour the racks for new additions to the collection. The tracks they're playing today are just whatever they've bought so far on this trip. I riffle through the bunch which includes Treacherous 3, the Dubwise Wailers Band, Jonathan Richman, Adam and the Ants and Whiskeytown. Eclectic, or what? Ad Rock has fond memories of listening to the radio in the 70s before station formats became so regimented. "You could hear Santana next to KC and the Sunshine Band," he says wistfully.All too quickly, time is drawing to a close. They lay any mis conceptions to rest about their alleged non interest in playing a show in Hobart. "We really wanted to go down to Tasmania and now they're trying to play it like we didn't." Ad Rock says, deeply wounded. "We're the ones making it happen because we really wanted to come down there. We got nuttin' but love for Tasmania." MCA briefly reveals plans for a June Tibetan Freedom Concert in Sydney to coincide with shows in Tokyo, Amsterdam and the US, rumour being that the event will be an all-Aussie band affair. And then we're off-air, the band disappearing after obligatory poster signings and station Ids ("Hi we're the Beastie Boys and we're listening to...")Little did anyone know that the band would cancel the rest of their tour. Does that make the experience any more exhilarating? Not necessarily, but it's kinda nice to know first hand that inspiring performers like the Beastie Boys are literally making it up as they go along. It gives a little ray of hope to the rest of us.