DISSED EX

Q. My boyfriend broke up with me, and now every time we pass in the halls he ducks down like I am going to yell at him or hit him. Why does he do this? -Rachael

A. First off, remember that he broke up with you. And he is going through considerable guilt that he hurt you. At the same time he is ducking so he'll appear to be the victim and you'll feel bad for him.

VERYSlNGLE MOTHER

Q. I am 16. I had a baby two months ago. Now I feel like no guy wants to be with me They all think I want them to be responsible for my baby. That's not true! I Just wish you could give me some advice. -Lonely in Ohio

A. A lot of guys are intimidated by the idea of a serious relationship, and even more are intimidated by parenthood. That doesn't mean you won't find someone who isn't. You will. Unfortunately, though, most guys will be caught up in a husband/breadwinner/ father stereotype they'll feel obliged to fill. So until you find someone who is beyond this, it would be a good idea to seek support and friendship from the people around you who you're most comfortable with. This will cure your loneliness and provide needed assistance to help raise your newborn.

BUMMING BAD SEED?

Q. My mom was a well-dressed, popular boy-magnet in high school, I am a punked-out loner boy repellent. I get the feellng she's dlsappointed in me. To top that off, my dad thinks I am unfeminine. Help! -Searching for my real parents

A. By age 14 I had orange hair and a safety pin in my ear and everyone thought I was a freak, but I had found music and friends who meant more to me than the accepted norm amongst kids in school. There's no need to conform to the preconceptions of your parents. You obviously have got it going on, so as you achieve stuff on your own terms, your parents might come around to respect you.

CONFLICTED CHEATER

Q. What do you thlnk of not telling your boyfriend about an absolutely meaningless make-out sesslon wlth another guy? Is it better to get over the gullt alone and not screw up the relationship, or should you be totally honest and prssibiy mess up tho best thing in your life? -Just wondering

A. As a guy, I'm thinking that honesty is the way to go, because I would value being treated honestly. In telling your boyfriend about this meaningless session, it's important to make it clear it was just that. But know that a lot of guys waste energy speculating whether or not their girlfriends are making out with someone else, and that finding this out is a big blow to a guy's ego, even if the event in question was no big deal. It is for this reason that you might not want to tell your boyfriend. Your relationship with him might not be able to withstand this truth. Really, it comes down to what you're comfortable with. Remember that there's an unfortunate double standard here. A guy who kisses another girl will be considered a player, but a girl will be called a slut. This is BS. If you decide to tell him the truth and he breaks up with you, write "slut" on your belly and start a band.

OEDIPAL SLIP

Q. I've been going out with my boyfriend for about six months. We recently had sex for the first time, and at the height of passion he screamed out, "Ow, Mom, don't hit me." Then he acted as though nothing had happened. I don't know if I should be alarmed. Help. -Concerned flrst-timer

A. If you are uncomfortable with this behavior, you need to talk with your boyfriend in a sensitive way. If you feel unequipped to help him, seek the experience and guidance of a counselor. It's important to communicate with your partner about sex, and anything that might seem strange about it.

WARY WITNESS

Q. Last summer my stepfather tried to molest me. Now my court date is coming up, and I'm scared to death to go up on the stand and say, "Well, he did this, and this..." How can I calm down? -Anonymous

A. Look for guidance at a local rape crisis center, where you can talk to a woman experienced with exactly what you're going through. No problem is too big or too small for them. Also turn to your girlfriends for support and companionship; that's what they're for. finally, for energy and courage, find zines and records by Bikini Kill and like-minded female bands. You are doing the right thing; try to find comfort in that. I can only offer you my respect for standing up for yourself.

DATES DUDS

Q. I always go out wlth guys who are jerky boys. What's sad is that I know they aren't my type, and I always end up shining the rad guys who llke me-- even though I like them backl What's my problem? -Chlllum

A. You're probably just afraid of commitment. If you went out with one of the guys who really liked you, that might lead to a real relationship. By going out with these "jerky" boys, you are avoiding actually becoming involved with someone who cares for you. Maybe you need to decide that you just don't want a relationship for a while (that's fine). If not, you should experiment with a "rad" guy.

STUBBLE DOUBLE STANDARD

Q. Why is it that boys do not seem to llke hairy legs on a girl? This has always slightly confused me, since guys have hairy legs too. -Not comprehending

A. For the most part we're fed media images of women being hairless, hard- bodied, streamlined objects. But take it from me, girls who follow their own direction are more compelling to cool boys who care.