Stars of the ABA

(atwater basketball association)

by shea johnson

Since 1990, the Beastie Boys have spent hundreds of hours in their notorious G-son recording studio. Located directly above a pharmacy and a discount store in Atwater Village/Glendale, G-son activity starts after 6pm each day. Nappy couches and La-Z-Boys, custom abstract paint job, rehearsal stage, skateboard half-pipe and, most importantly, a makeshift half-court basketball arena keep the creative juices flowing when they're not making music or hosting foreign journalist listening parties.

Surrounded by three walls and a stage, action on the court is similar to hockey. With no out of bounds other than the steep transitions of the half-pipe, which are a challenging surface to dribble on, the G-son locals have mastered a fast-paced, hybrid play-off-the-walls-and-ceiling style of hooping. Here's a scouting report:

Center: DJ Hurricane, the largest G-son member. Burly Skillful. Talks trash the entire game.

Power Forward: Eldest B-Boy Adam Yauch brings his extremely long arms, big hands and "just for fun" attitude to the game and is chief enforcer of the first rule of G-son, "No one gets hurt". This rule is often under debate when alternate Bob "The Butcher" Mack steps in, since he's usually a few beers into a sixer and plays only to win, moving bodies at will. Documented in the song "Tough Guy"

Shooting Forward: Mike D, Grand Royal president and team captain. Gets more rebounds than Dennis "The Worm" Rodman. Has the best "driving-to-the-hoop-so-don't-try-to-stop-me" game face.

Shooting Guard: Producer and master engineer Mario Caldato Jr. lends his deadly right-handed sky hook bank shot and his "on point" score keeping.

Point Guard: King Ad-Rock. The smallest but by far the quickest. Calmest under pressure and best dressed. Lay-up styles for miles. Has a basketball sneaker jones. Alternate guard: Keyboard Money Mark, chief architect behind G-son. Former ball boy for the Lakers. A shooting star, Money often plays blindfolded to make teams even.

This dominating line-up hits the road this summer during the Lollapalooza tour, taking on all challengers including A Tribe Called Quest, The Breeders, L7, and the Smashing Pumpkins, led by 6'5" Sassy subscriber Billy Corgan. But will the Glendale Globetrotters be adaptable to foreign courts? Place your bets.