****
Sam sat at the end of the long dock of her family's summer cabin, her feet dangling in the water below as a soft breeze blew across the lake. She had woken from a fitful sleep a couple of hours ago and had been sitting at the water ever since. She glanced around at the peaceful and serene setting. The boats were gently moving with the slight motion of the water beneath them and the trees swayed with the beat of the wind. She could tell by the lighter shade of the sky that daybreak would be soon.
Inhaling deeply, Sam thought of how safe and protected this place always seemed to make her feel. It was always the first place she ran to when she needed to be alone. She hadn't been back here since the day before she moved to Orlando, she had needed a quiet place to think over her decision one last time and make sure the move was the right choice for her to make. That seemed like light-years away from what troubled her mind today. The sound of footsteps coming from behind startled her from her thoughts.
"Who's there?" she asked as she turned around and saw a man's figure walking up the dock towards her, the wind-blown hair in her eyes and the poor lighting making it difficult to see.
"It's me," Lance stated.
Sam's stomach knotted up worse than it had been before as he stopped next to her. "If you came all the way up here to yell at me some more you can just turn right back around and leave," she asserted, surprising herself and obviously Lance too, if the expression on his face meant anything. "I'm sorry," she sighed. "It's just that I honestly can't handle anymore of you yelling at me."
"It's okay. I deserve it," he said sitting down beside her. "I know I've been unfair to you these past couple of days, not letting you explain. I wanted to talk to you the first night this whole thing happened. I was even on my way to your room, and then I saw you standing there with Justin."
"He just came to see if I was okay Lance, he didn't even come in. And as far as the night we spent together, we slept in the same bed, but that was it, we just slept. The only thing we shared besides that was a few meaningless kisses. I was tired of being alone…he was just there…we realized that it was a mistake before anything else happened…" Sam trailed off, she couldn't think of anything else to convince him that it was nothing more than that, it may have sounded like a simple explanation but it was the truth. Now she just wanted to move away from this subject as quickly as possible, not that she was exactly looking forward to the one that would no doubt follow.
"I know, I talked to Justin. He had pretty much the same things to say. I still wish you would've told me about it." He spoke again before Sam could offer a response. "But I understand the reasons you had for not."
"Yeah, I can't imagine there's really ever a right time to find out that your girlfriend has kissed one of your best friends, even if it was before the relationship started," Sam said biting her bottom lip out of habit as she looked across the lake.
"You would be right about that," Lance agreed as he searched for a way to approach the subject he'd been dreading. "So earlier today, or actually yesterday now, at the venue I was hoping we would get a few minutes alone to talk but it seemed like my phone kept ringing and I kept being pulled in every other direction but yours. Then the first time I saw you when I wasn't busy it was just before sound check and we wouldn't have had time to do much talking anyway."
"But I tried to talk to you and you did nothing but yell at me again," Sam interrupted.
"Right, I had just gone to look for you when someone from security came to me about Scott all the rest of those people showing up claiming they were promised passes. Needless to say I wasn't too happy to see Scott again after the first encounter I had with him, so I behaved like an idiot and took it out on you."
"I really didn't promise them anything," Sam explained, her voice weak. "Katie had called me a while back asking if we could meet up at the concert. I told her that I would get back with her. I had no idea Scott was going to be anywhere around."
"I believe you had nothing to do with the ticket thing, but to be truthful, that's the last thing on my mind right now," he paused, the stress of the situation visible on his face as he choose his next words. "From what you've said, and what Jen told me before I left, I gather there's something you haven't told me about you and Scott and I have a feeling that I'm not going to like whatever it is."
"I will tell you everything, but first can I ask what he said to you?"
Sam closed her eyes and dropped her head as Lance repeated the off color remarks that Scott had said to him.
"You don't seem surprised," Lance said accusingly as she glanced up at him.
"I'm not surprised at all. It's exactly what I expected of him," she shrugged.
"So you did have sex with him?" he asked, the hurt and betrayal he was feeling evident in his tone.
Sam sat silent, unsure how to respond.
"Come on Sam, its not that difficult, it's a simple yes or no question. You either lied to me or you didn't. So which is it?" he quizzed, a hint of his hateful demeanor of the past few days had began to resurface no matter how hard he tried to fight it.
"I guess I did lie to you, but it's not as simple as you may think," she said softly.
"Well now is your chance to explain," Lance said folding his arms across his chest and leaning back against a wooden beam on the deck.
Sam took a deep breath as she began. "Scott was one of my closest friends all throughout high school. I had always wanted more than a friendship, he was never interested unless he was drinking," she sighed, her brown eyes clouding over with the immense sorrow that these memories made her recall. "The summer after we graduated we were both at a party together and he offered me a ride home. He came in and we were talking, nothing out of the ordinary, we spent a lot of time together," Sam reflected, her voice taking on a distant tone as she continued slowly. "He leaned in to kiss me and I kissed back. He was of course drinking, and so was I so I wasn't exactly in the right frame of mind to stop it, even though I knew it didn't mean anything to him."
"So are you saying that you think you slept with him but you're not sure because you can't remember because you were drunk?" Lance interjected furrowing his brow.
"No, I wish to God I couldn't remember what I'm about to tell you," she said, a single tear falling down her cheek as she continued in broken sentences. "It all happened so fast…before I knew it he had my pants off…and then he tore off my…and I tried to get up but he was so strong…I screamed but no one was home to hear me…he wouldn't stop…" she rambled as the teardrops flowed steadily down her face, the fear present in her voice and eyes as if she were right back in that moment. "I said no but he wouldn't listen. I said no. I said no," she cried out, pulling her knees up against her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs as her body racked with misery from the unimaginable memories.
Lance sat stunned by her revelation, his green eyes filling with tears from the hurt that she had experienced and was still experiencing. He moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her as tight as he could. "I am so sorry. I'm sorry for the awful things I said to you and I'm even more sorry that you had to tell me this because I forced it out of you. It should've been on your own time, when you were ready," he said smoothing back her hair as he rocked her gently in his strong, comforting arms.
Sam had felt a wave of relief and safety rush through her as soon as he touched her and calmed herself enough to speak as she linked her arms around his back. "I wanted to tell you, so many times I tried but I always got too scared."
"Scared of what?"
"That you would never look at me the same, that there would be a look of pity in your eyes every time they rested on me, that you'd be afraid to touch me, you'd think of me as damaged goods, or that you would be ashamed like I am," she sobbed.
"None of that will ever happen, I promise you that Sam," he consoled her, his heart breaking because of the anguish in her mind. "And you have nothing to be ashamed of, why would you even think that? He did this to you."
"But I wanted to be with him for so long. And I had told him as much, we flirted constantly and had kissed a few other times over the years, I didn't want it to be like that though, because he was drunk and I was just a body who happened to be there," Sam said as she sat up and began wiping the tears from her face.
"None of that stuff matters Sam, as long as you said no that night, the rest of it is meaningless," Lance said, before suddenly realizing something. "My God Sam, what was he doing at your parents house being friendly with all of them? Don't they know? Didn't you report him to the police?"
"No, I never told anyone until a year ago when I told Jen and Mel, and now you," she said as he folded his hands into hers.
"Why not?"
"Who would believe me?" Sam shrugged. "He was Mr. Popularity and I was a nobody, the whole school knew how I felt about him. It was like the running joke with his little clique of friends. No one would ever believe that I would turn him down, or that he would force himself on me, because he could've had his pick of the school," she explained. "Besides, from what he said to you and the way he acted after it happened I think he truly believes it was consensual and that I was just putting up an act. He was too drunk to realize otherwise. He tried to contact me a few times but I stopped taking his calls and then he went away to college and luckily I hadn't run into him until the other night."
"I will never understand why you do that to yourself, you are so much more than you give yourself credit for. Why can't you see what I see when I look at you?" Lance asked cupping her face in his hands. "You are one of the most amazing people I have ever met, in every way I can think of you're radiant and you've only just begun to shine."
"I'm working on it," she said half smiling. "I've definitely come a long way from who I was in high school. I think moving to Orlando was one of the smartest choices I have ever made."
"Is he the reason you left?"
"Part of it, I always felt like I could never fully become who I wanted to be stuck in that little town. I wasn't happy at my job, and I was tired of living with my parents but I couldn't afford to get my own place so when Jen offered me her spare bedroom it made sense and I left."
"I think you made the right choice also, because it brought you to me," Lance said embracing her again. "So the nightmares, I assume they're about that night, have you always had them?"
"I did for about six months or so after it first happened but then they gradually stopped and didn't start again until…" she trailed off.
"You and I got together," he finished, his voice guilt-stricken and saddened. "Being with me reminds you of that night."
"NO," Sam said forcefully, grabbing Lance's shoulders and looking directly into his eyes. "Listen to me, because I swear to you I mean every word of this. I have never in my life felt safer, more alive, freer, or happier than I do when I'm in your arms. I promise you that. But you're the only guy I've been with since it happened and the physical contact is just triggering the nightmares in my subconscious. Not to mention that it was a big part of my life that I couldn't bring myself to tell you about and I'm sure that had something to do with it as well."
"Okay, now I have something to confess to you. I'm not sure exactly when it happened because I can't remember what it was like before I felt this way. I would've told you sooner…I was afraid it might scare you to hear it so soon…but…"
"Lance please don't say that now," she interrupted, sensing the next three words that were about to come out of his mouth. "I don't want the first time we say that to each other to be connected in any way to the ugliness of the past few days."
"As long as you know that I do," he said, his beautiful eyes echoing the sentiments he was saying.
"I do and I feel the same," she smiled lovingly at him. "I knew it had to be when I didn't run away scared and actually allowed myself to feel something again."
"I know exactly what you mean," he said before placing a delicate kiss on her mouth. "Although I did try to hide from it for a little while," he joked.
They sat silent for the next few minutes wrapped in each others arms at the end of the dock as the sun began to peek out from the horizon of the water.
"Wanna hear a secret?" Sam giggled.
"I don't think I can handle anymore secrets," he teased.
"No this is a good secret, kinda cheesy but not earth shattering by any means," she said leaning her head back against his chest as the sun continued to gradually ascent into the sky.
"Well in that case, go ahead," Lance said resting his chin on the top of her head.
"When I was a teenager and my family would come up here on vacation I used to always sit out here by myself and dream about one day watching the sunrise with a cute boy," she laughed. "The sunset too, but hey, one out of two ain't bad."
"Well, we could stay and watch that too," he offered. "There's not a whole lot going on today and Joey is in Orlando for some reason, so I don't think it'd be that big of a deal if we took a day for ourselves also."
Sam turned around to face him. "So Joey did go? I'm so glad for him," she exclaimed. "And glad for us because we get to be completely alone for a whole day."
"So you know what Joey is up to huh? Care to share?" Lance said raising a questioning eyebrow.
"Nope. I will leave that to him."
"Fine, I see how you are," he pouted. "So what are we gonna do today?"
"There's plenty of stuff to do here. Speaking of which, how did you know where to find me in the first place?" she asked tilting her head to the side.
"Well, I had a hunch that you probably headed for this place since you told me that you used to come here to get away from everything else and then when I asked Jen she confirmed it and gave me directions."
"Jen gave you directions?" Sam asked surprised. "And you didn't get lost?"
"Not really," Lance laughed. "But she did a pretty good job considering she said she's only been here once herself."
"I'm certainly impressed. I can't wait to show you everything later, but right now there's only one thing on my mind," she said as a mischievous grin danced across her lips.
Lance returned the smile as they spoke in unison.
"Sleep," they said laughing heartily as they stood and began walking down the dock arm in arm.
"Wanna hear another corny fantasy?" Sam laughed.
"Of course."
"I always dreamed about sneaking a boy up here for a sleepover too."
"That's two corny dreams down, a lifetime to go," he smiled, kissing her forehead as they walked inside the cabin.