****
Sam sat in the inexpensive, mass-produced armchair in the corner of the hotel room. The morning sun slipped through the small opening in the curtains and cast a shadow across the patterned carpet in front of Sam’s painted toenails. She pulled her legs up into the chair and tightly against her chest, resting her chin on knees. Her tired, brown eyes shifted over to the bed and a half-naked, still sleeping Justin. A tear slipped from her eye as her gaze slid down to the floor and their discarded clothing.
“Oh God, how did I let this happen?” Sam cried out softly as her head sunk into her hands and the nights’ events flowed through her mind along with her tears.
*****
Justin reluctantly opened his eyes. A faint sound had awakened him from his heavy sleep and as he slowly regained his senses he realized it was the muffled sound of Samantha crying. He rotated on his left side and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder as it heaved with sobs. She quickly brought her hand to his and squeezed tightly, nestling both of their hands against her neck.
“Sami?” Justin asked softly, his voice weighed with concern. Her sobs increased. His heart broke for her and in one swift motion he slid over to her side of the king-sized bed. Never removing his left hand from her shoulder, he placed his right on her hip and gently turned her small frame over to face him. She looked up at him, the tears spilling from her deep brown eyes and staining a trail down her suntanned cheeks.
“I hate fighting with him Justin. It hurts more than anything,” Sam wept, gripping his hand tightly with both of hers as she tucked their joined limbs under her chin, holding them closely to her chest.
Justin slid his right hand off of her hip and slowly up the soft, smooth skin of her back. As his hand rested over the white straps of her black bikini top, he pulled her close against his body. She remained clutched to his left arm as her body continued to rack with heavy sobs. The waves of her warm breath blew across the cool, taut skin of his neck and with an ever-so-soft touch, he began running the tips of his fingers up and down the length of her spine. His soothing gestures helped to calm her, and after a few moments her tears subsided. As her breathing returned to normal, she loosened her clasp on his hand, and backed away slightly from his embrace. Justin’s hand floated over her upper back and quickly across her neck before reaching up to smooth the tousled hair away from her face. He wiped the few remaining tears from her cheek with his thumb. He wet his lips and tipped her chin up in his hand. Sam’s heart began to race and she could feel Justin’s was doing the same as her hand rested against his muscular chest. As he leaned in slowly she knew she should resist, but somehow she couldn’t make her mouth form the words. Sam closed her eyes and anticipated the feeling of his soft lips against hers, recalling the way they had felt months earlier, so sensual and warm. What am I doing here? She thought to herself as all of these things she had pushed out of her memories came flooding back. The answer to her own question was something that she was afraid to think about. She was surprised when she felt Justin’s lips brush gently against her eyelid, right at the base of her tear-soaked lashes. Justin shifted his head back and waited for her reaction. He wanted so badly to take her pain away but if this were going to go any further, it would have to be her call.
“Justin,” Sam breathed as she opened her eyes and their gazes locked. Justin’s stare sent shivers down her spine, as once again she noticed something different about it, something that those deep blue eyes of his seemed to be trying to express.
Justin rubbed his knuckles up the length of her arm, flattening his hand out as he reached the top, moving over her silky shoulder, his fingertips gingerly danced along her chest before resting on her collarbone. He could feel her heart beating as his strong hand lay on her body, threatening at any moment to slip down to the forbidden depths of her chest.
“Yes?” he answered, as he searched her dark eyes for permission to do what he so badly wanted. Sam let go of his other hand finally and Justin’s breath caught in his throat as she moved her small hands up his stomach. As they rested on his chest the warmth of them soaked through the thin fabric of his wife-beater style tank and burned against his skin.
“You’re on my side of the bed,” Sam giggled as she playfully shoved him away.
Justin recovered quickly to hide his disappointment, laughing as he repositioned himself on his pillows. “My bad,” he smiled as the two of them lay on their sides facing each other.
“Wasn’t the purpose of this overnight stay to get some rest?”
“Hey, I WAS resting, remember?” Justin teased.
“I can’t get comfortable for some reason,” she whined.
“Why not?”
“Well, I’m about to take care of part of the reason now,” Sam said as she slid her hands under the sheet that covered the lower half of her body.
“Uh, exactly how comfortable are you getting over there?” he asked with a curiously raised eyebrow as she grunted and moved around under the white cotton covers.
“Ah, that feels much better,” she said triumphantly flinging her arms from under the covers and tossing her tattered denim shorts to the floor.
“Hey now, if you’re taking yours off, then mine are coming off too.”
“I don’t think so Kid.”
“Oh I do,” he said with a defiant smirk.
“I have a bathing suit on remember? It’s not like I’m laying around in my underwear.”
“You might as well be in a bra and panties.”
“But I’m not,” Sam insisted.
“Hmm,” Justin said peering under the sheet. “Looks like a bra and panties to me,” he taunted popping his head back up. “I’m taking my pants off, deal with it woman.”
“Fine,” she huffed as he threw the sheet back and began unfastening his jeans. “Today was Thursday right?”
“Yeah. Why?” he countered as he slipped his legs free of the denim fabric and tossed them at Sam’s face.
She dropped the pants on the floor near her own. “I was just checking to make sure it’s not ‘Free-balling Friday’,” she laughed as he flipped the sheet back over his body, covering his plaid, cotton boxers.
“No it’s not, but it can be arranged if you wish,” Justin said wiggling his eyebrows.
“I think I’ll have to pass.”
“Well if you ever change your mind…”
“Shut up,” Sam said rolling her eyes as she readjusted her pillows. “Oh hey, did you ever call your mom to let her know you’re okay?”
“Didn’t I tell you that I’m a grown man and I don’t have to call my mother when I decide to stay out all night?”
“She’s out of town?”
“’Til Monday,” Justin confirmed with a grin as Sam giggled. “Ya know, I really miss this.”
“What? Me picking on you?” Sam replied through a yawn.
“Not just that. Us hanging out. I miss you.” Sam out and out laughed this time. “I’m serious, Sami,” he said furrowing his brow.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her tone now sincere. “It’s just that we see each other nearly every day. How could you possibly miss me?”
“But we don’t get to hang out just the two of us anymore. It hasn’t been the same since…” Justin trailed off as Sam interjected.
“I have enough room in my life and my heart for both of you,” Sam reassured. “You’ll always be a part of my life no matter what Justin. You’re my kid remember?”
“I know,” he sighed. He wished that was enough for him, but it wasn’t anymore. It just wasn’t. He wanted so much more and he was finally admitting that fact to himself. Another large yawn escaped from her mouth and her face revealed her fatigue. “You’re so tired Sami. Why don’t you try and get some sleep?”
“I would, but now that I’m semi-comfortable, I can’t make all these thoughts in my head stop screaming at me,” she chuckled.
“Aww, you want me to sing you a lullaby?” he teased with an over-sympathetic tone and a pouted lower lip. “It works on my little brothers sometimes.”
“Actually, that would be kind of nice.”
“Are you serious?” Justin asked surprised.
“It’s worth a shot,” Sam shrugged. “Why? Weren’t you? You don’t have to if…”
“Hush. I’ll sing you to sleep if you want me to.”
“No, really, you don’t have to.”
“Shut up and close your eyes,” he ordered.
“Oh that was real nice,” she laughed.
“Close your eyes and relax,” he said waving his hand over her face to guide her eyelids shut.
Sam did as he instructed and settled into the pillows as he began singing Billy Joel’s “Lullaby”. His tone was soft and slightly raspy and she smiled as his angelic voice helped to take her mind away from her troubles.
Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you’ve been asking me
I think you know what I’ve been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away
Goodnight, my angel
Now it’s time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I’m rocking you to sleep
The water’s deep
And deep inside this ancient heart
You’ll always be a part of me
Goodnight, my angel
Now it’s time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me
Someday we’ll all be gone
But lullabies go on and on…
They never die
That’s how you
And I
Will be
As Justin finished the song he noticed that Sam’s breathing had become even and deep and he was relieved that she was finally able to get some rest. He carefully leaned closer to her again and soothed back the hair on the top of her head before lightly kissing her forehead. He pulled back and really looked at her for a minute and he knew he had to say it. It wouldn’t matter if she couldn’t hear it. That wasn’t the point. He needed to admit it to himself more than anything. He brushed his hand softly across her face.
“I love you Sami,” he confessed.
As Justin turned over and made himself comfortable on the other side of the bed, Sam’s eyes sprung wide open.
*****
Her eyes had remained that way since that early morning hour. After she was sure Justin was asleep, Sam had quietly slipped out of the bed and had been sitting in the chair for the past few hours trying to sort through the confusion in her head. Her first thought was that she was just overreacting and Justin’s meaning was nothing more than that of a friendly statement. But there were just too many other things to support otherwise. The more she thought about it, the more everything made sense. The looks that had been haunting her lately, the earrings, his problems with Britney, and then tonight. All night, most of his actions were just on the edge of crossing their blurred line of friendship. Now with his declaration of his true feelings for her, it was all crystal clear. And she was a fool for not realizing it sooner.
Justin began stirring in the bed and sat up, noticing her sitting over in the corner. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and ran his hand through his recently shortened mass of curls. “You didn’t get any sleep at all last night did you?” he asked concerned.
“No.”
“Well it’s a good thing you’re not driving home because we’d be in…”
“I heard you,” she interrupted.
“Heard what?” he asked, confused at first but alarmed as her stare remained intense and accusing.
“I heard you,” Sam repeated. Justin sighed heavily as he walked over to the edge of the bed near her and sat down. “Please tell me that I just misunderstood Justin. That you just meant that in a ‘Hey, I love you as a buddy, pal, friend’ sort of way.”
He knew that if he really wanted to he could explain away his statement away with that definition, but the truth was he didn’t. He was tired of denying all these powerful emotions that she brought out of him. “I wish I could Sami. I honestly never meant for you to find out but I have to admit that I’m kind of relieved that you know.”
“Well I’m glad that you feel better,” she said sarcastically. “What do you expect me to do with this information? You know I’m in love with Lance.”
“I know you think you are.”
Sam moved away from him, sitting straight against the back of the chair. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“I know that you feel comfortable with him and he makes you feel safe, but that’s not love Sami.”
“Justin if you knew me at all, you’d know that those are two of the biggest things I need in a relationship.”
“I do know that,” he said moving closer to her and pulling her legs off of the chair and down to the floor. “But I also know it’s not everything. You need, and deserve, so much more.”
“And what makes you so positive that I’m not getting everything I need from Lance?” she hissed at him while pushing his hands off her knees.
“Because if you were you wouldn’t be here with me,” he spat back.
“Justin, why are you doing this?” Sam cried out as she rose from the chair and turned her back to him.
“Because I care so much about you Sami and I’m tired of seeing you hurting all the time,” he explained as he stood behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders.
“And this is your way of helping me?” she said, once again pulling away from his touch as she turned back around. “Forcing me to question everything I know and feel in my heart? I love him, Justin. I do.”
“Then why can’t you give yourself to him completely?” he fired at her.
Sam’s eyes were thin and cold as she answered him. “I told you why.”
“I know what you told me, but I don’t think that’s the whole truth.”
“Let me guess, your version is more like I’m not having sex with him because I’m not in love with him?” she said coolly.
“Yes.”
“Continuing on with your theory then, I suppose what, that I do love you?”
“Yes. That night we were together Sami, you said it yourself, I stopped it, you didn’t,” Justin reminded.
“What does that have to do with anything?” she shouted.
“Because we both know you could never have sex unless you were in love and if I wouldn’t have stopped, we would’ve that night. You know that.”
“That is not true,” she disagreed adamantly. “If you hadn’t stopped it I would’ve.”
“I don’t think so.”
“I know so. I have any other time I’ve tried.”
“With Lance, yes. I’m not Lance,” he said arrogantly.
“No you’re certainly not,” Sam said bitterly.
Justin’s demeanor softened as took hold of her upper arms. Sam tried to pull away from his clutch but he held her too tightly this time. “Sami I know before you met us you had this idea that you and Lance belonged together and now that you’re here and a part of this whole crazy alternate world that we live in, for whatever reason, you’re too scared to admit that you might have been wrong so you’re holding on to this crush that you had from afar.”
“Justin,” Sam pleaded with him as her eyes began to tear over.
“You don’t have to be afraid of this. I know you know you can trust me and always feel safe with me, but I can give you so much more than that. We would be so good together and I know you feel that too. There is something between us Sami. We both know that,” he said trying to convince her. “I know you felt it that night we were together, you wanted it to happen as much as I did, and last night in this room, and so many other times over these past few months,” Justin paused as he released his hands from her arms and cupped her face in his hands. “And right now,” he said softly as he leaned in to kiss her.
“No,” she refused, freeing herself from his embrace. “Take me home Justin,” she ordered as she bent down and picked her shorts up from the floor.
“Sami, we’re not done yet.”
“Yes we are,” she asserted, grabbing her shirt of the chair where she’d left it to dry the night before. “Take me home,” she repeated, clutching the white cotton top around her body.