Chapter Three
Sunrise
With tears streaming down her face, Chloe bent over the porcelain toilet bowl and forced her dinner up through her throat. Food is bad, she chanted to herself, as her stomach heaved, and pain sent her into a quick convulsion. Get rid of the food. It didn’t take long for an expert such as herself to rid her body of the toxic nutrition she’d consumed that day. She turned and faced her reflection in the mirror, almost relieved to see that the anorexic Chloe wasn’t staring back at her. She wasn’t anorexic, she was healthy. It was the food that did it, the food that ruined everything. It was her modeling coach that had brought up all these old memories again. It was Wednesday evening, and Chloe had just arrived home from her modeling class. She had run straight to the bathroom.
"Chloe, you seem to be putting on some weight," her coach, Emily, had told her. Maybe you should go back on that diet you were on a few months ago, that really worked for you."
Chloe thrust her face into a towel, drying her tears, and smearing mascara around her eyes. She adored her beautiful modeling coach, and wanted so much to be like her…so didn’t it make the most sense to listen to what she said? Chloe hated to resort to throwing up her meals again, but if that’s what it took…Modeling and acting were Chloe’s two forms of escape. She was seriously involved as a model and an actress, and felt that it was her only way out of her over-protected lifestyle. She was willing to do whatever it
took to pursue her dreams…no matter what the cost to her in the future. With a final swipe of the towel across her face, Chloe left the bathroom, and made her way downstairs to the computer.
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Chloe,
Sweetie, where are you? We were supposed to meet in the chat at 8pm, and you’re not here. I’m worried about you, please come, you’re half an hour late. Please come, I miss you.
Love always,
Nick
Chloe read over the email quickly, feeling horrible. How could she possibly tell Nick that she was late because she was throwing up her food? She breathed in, and let it out slowly, deciding that she wouldn’t tell him. Not yet anyway. They’d only been going out for a few weeks, she didn’t want him to hate her this early. She needed him.
Quickly, she made her way into the chat room, where Nick was alone again, waiting for her. Chloe typed a meek "hi, I’m sorry."
Apparently, Nick had been typing a message before she’d arrived, because his response was an entire paragraph long.
"Chloe, come soon please. I miss you baby, I don’t know where you are. I know it’s only been a few weeks, but I can see there’s something about you. Something different. I can’t quite figure out what it is right now, but I hope that you’ll let me get close enough to you to know soon. I
thought about you all day today, I missed you. And when you were late, I got worried. You said you were going off to modeling class…you are a model? Wow, as if you couldn’t get any more perfect then you already are! I was thinking about you walking down that runway, all those guys staring at you, and it actually made me mad! I got really jealous,
because I don’t want anyone else looking at you. I like you a lot, Chloe, and I want to just hold you in my arms. So when you get here…let me take you somewhere, please? Somewhere where I can be with just you, and pretend that we’re the only two people on the face of the Earth. Just close your eyes, and I will come get you, take you to a special place. I have never felt this way about a girl before, and I don’t want to let it go. Please come soon, I need you."
Chloe gasped, and felt her eyes well with tears at this heartfelt confession from Nick. "Omigod," was her response. "Oh sweetie, I am so sorry, I don’t know what to say, I feel so bad!"
"Just close your eyes, Chloe," Nick typed back gently. "Hurry, don’t be late."
Chloe smiled despite herself, and obligingly closed her eyes. It was a rare occurrence when Nick would ask her to do this, but every time he did, she felt so much closer to him. Chloe’s eyelids fluttered as she was transported into this new fantasy.And close he was. He stood there, less than a foot away from her, smiling shyly into her eyes. Chloe felt her heart melt, and her dried tears were lost. "Hey you," he whispered softly, kissing her forehead. He was quite a bit taller than her, nearly 5 inches, and had to lean over to kiss her. As he did, his blonde hair fell forward, and tickled her cheeks. Chloe giggled, completely forgetting her worn appearance. "Hey you," she replied quietly. She allowed herself to escape into Nick’s arms,
forgetting the events of earlier that night. "I’m so sorry I was late, I…"
"Shhhh," Nick interrupted, placing his index finger over her lips. "No sorries, OK? I just want to be with you. Right here, right now. Hey, what’s wrong?"
He’d noticed the smeared tears and mascara on her cheeks. Chloe cringed inside, cursing herself for not cleaning up. "Nothing," she lied, knowing that Nick would never accept that as an answer.
"Baby, you were crying?" Nick asked, worry creeping into his voice. "What happened?" He took her close in his arms, cradled her back and forth. "Tell me, please?"
Chloe took a deep breath, and felt fresh tears springing to her eyelids. She pulled back from Nick’s embrace and looked away. It was then that she noticed where they were. She gasped in surprise, as a forest of deep pines, and lush velvets came into view. Nick had taken her to a clearing in the middle of a forest, and where they stood now was the very center, looking beyond the horizon to a rising sun.
"Oh, Nick," she breathed in awe, turning slowly in a semi circle. The air surrounding them was crisp and fresh, with a hint of chill. Early morning dew blanketed the grass, and beams of sunlight had begun to pierce the wall of trees. At her feet lay a cream colored blanket and a portable CD player that Nick had brought. Nick refused to change the subject, however, and approached her again.
"Chloe, please tell me why you’re sad, baby. You’ve got me all scared…can I make you smile, preety please?"
He actually pronounced the word ‘preety’ and Chloe turned to face him again, smiling faintly. "I’m really sorry, Nick," she repeated, "for worrying you." She sat down on the blanket, and Nick immediately sat down in front of her. He leaned in closer, and brushed the hair gently out of her eyes. Waiting patiently for her to continue, he took her
hands in his encouragingly.
"Nick, I was late because…because I was forcing myself to throw up. I’m sick. And nobody knows this but you, but I have anorexia. I’ve had it ever since my modeling coach told me to lose weight in December, and now I guess you could say I’m addicted to it. I do it because…because I’m
afraid to stop. I have to be thin. If I’m not, I won’t get to become a model, or an actress. And that is all I want to be…my dad wants me to be a doctor, and he refuses to accept that I don’t want to be anything like that. I feel so trapped, Nick. I’m scared. I can’t tell anyone, because they don’t understand. No one has ever understood me. My best friend, Jen, is my complete opposite, and I can’t stand her. My closest friend is Shanna, and I told her about you a few weeks ago in acting class. But I can’t tell them about this. They will disown me. The only person I
completely trust is…well, is you, Nick. I’ve never felt so happy as I am when I’m with you. It’s like…it’s like you’re a part of me, and I wasn’t complete until I found you. I’m sorry, Nick. I want to be the perfect girl…but I’m not."
The tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now, and she didn’t try to stop them. She stared at the blanket beneath her, ashamed of what she was, and what she afraid to change. She fully expected to look up through her lashes and find herself alone on the blanket, but what she found was the complete opposite.
Nick was crying. A half dozen tears, at least, had streaked his face, and he was looking at her in a way she couldn’t decipher. She didn’t break away from this emotional connection, didn’t ever want to leave this moment. "Baby," he murmured, shifting forward, closer to her.
"Baby…." He took her close in his arms and then he was kissing her tears. One by one as they fell, Nick kissed them gently, and they disappeared.
No words were spoken as Chloe’s tears ceased to flow. She sat still in his arms as his angel kisses caressed her skin, all over. His lips danced on her forehead, her temples, her eyelids, her cheeks, the tip of her nose. She kept her eyes closed, her heart soaring, acting on an
instinct she had just discovered. His lips met hers then, with slow, perfect precision, and Chloe’s world began. They kissed passionately, and Chloe allowed herself to be laid softly down onto the blanket below her. She could feel his heart beating in his chest, in time with her own, and his arms entwined around her, drawing her closer, protecting
her. Chloe held him tight, feeling strangely relaxed as Nick’s fingers tickled her neck, still kissing her. I could kiss him forever, she thought, responding with new urgency as his lips met hers again. It all felt so natural, she never wanted to stop.
It was Nick who pulled away first, with one last look of longing into her eyes. He pulled her up to a sitting position again. He was the first to speak. "I want you to hear this song," he said, grinning shyly as he turned to the portable CD player beside him.
Chloe, still in a daze, nodded, and watched Nick’s face, particularly his lips. She smiled, thinking of the kiss they’d just shared.
"Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you. That is how I know you go on……"
Chloe gasped, as her favorite song filled the morning air. Nick looked at her over his shoulder and gave her a sly smile. "You like this song?" he teased, turning up the volume another notch.
Chloe nodded. "Nick, it’s my favorite song!"
Nick’s eyes sparkled, and he turned back around to face her. He was on his knees, and he kissed her awkwardly.
She laughed, kissing him back. "How did you know?" she murmured.
"Baby, I know your heart," Nick replied simply. "I know what it is about you that’s different, Chloe. Kissing you made me realize that…" He paused.
Chloe sat up on her knees, so she was at Nick’s eye level. "You know what?" she prompted, touching his nose with her own. Being this close to him sent a shock through her, and she was sure she saw a twinkle in Nick’s eye.
Nick continued, slowly, as the song played in their secluded background. "This song is what I feel, baby. I want you to know that no matter what, my heart will go on for you. I want it to be our song, it describes us perfectly. Every night for the past few weeks,I have dreamt about you, and I’ve wanted you in my arms. I want to be able to hold you close and promise you, like Jack promised Rose, that I’ll never ever let you go. Baby, I’m so glad that you trust me like you do, and that you told me about you being sick. But you know what? I don’t care…you are already perfect in my eyes, and I’ll be here for you, no
matter what. I’ll help you get better, we can do it together, OK? You are my Rose, and I want to be your Jack. I Love You, Chloe."
He kissed her again, softly, and she Chloe could feel his love surrounding her. "Nick…I Love You too."
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Two weeks later :
"Chloe, I would like to talk to you about a few things."
Chloe had just walked in the front door after school when her father’s voice cut into her daydreams about Nick. His voice echoed from his office, and Chloe, confused, peeked into the room. "About what, daddy?" she asked, putting on her sweet voice, just in case she was in trouble.
"Hi, by the way."
Robert’s expression was relaxed, but serious. "Have a seat."
Chloe tossed her book bag on the floor beside a chair and sat down.
"What’s wrong?" she asked hesitantly.
"You’ve been spending a lot of time on the Internet lately, and I was just wondering what you were doing. You never used to go on there before."
Chloe tensed, and sat up straighter in her chair. Think quickly, she thought, wracking her brain for a decent excuse. There was no way she could tell him about Nick!
"Umm…well, we’ve been learning how to use them at school, and I was just getting extra practice," she lied meekly, sounding lame to even herself.
Robert looked skeptical. "The Internet is a useful tool," he remarked. "But if it’s over-used, it can become the enemy. Don’t take it too seriously. And don’t forget that all information on the Internet isn’t always true. Don’t base your entire education on the net, Chloe, it can be dangerous. If you want to make anything of yourself, you’ve got to get out and experience things."
Chloe shrunk into herself. Just leave me alone! she thought fiercely, curling her legs into the chair. "I’m sorry, daddy," she said aloud. "I’ll try and cut back."
Robert nodded, confident that his words had had an impact on his daughter. "The second thing I wanted to talk about…." He hesitated, and Chloe didn’t prompt him. She just wanted to leave the room.
"I’m worried about your eating."
An alarm sounded in Chloe’s brain. He knows, he knows. Pleading with herself to show no reaction, Chloe fought with an answer. "My eating?" she replied finally. "What do you mean?"
Robert breathed in deep. "I didn’t want to bring this up," he said, suddenly looking older and more tired than Chloe had ever seen him. "But I don’t think you’re eating enough. You’re too thin. And this whole acting and modeling scene….I don’t agree with that, Chloe, you know I don’t. You have to concentrate on your school work if you want to be anything in this world. Frankly, that whole department would be a waste of your time. I mean, I’m sure you have talent, but it’s not a realistic goal to set for yourself. And there’s too much pressure to be thin, and perfect."
Chloe’s face turned stony, anticipating what was coming next. "You can’t…." she began icily.
"Chloe, I’m going to sever your acting and modeling classes, until you have gained at least 10 pounds. You have to set a good example for your younger brothers and sister too, you know that."
The young girl was dying inside. "You CAN’T!" she screeched forcibly. "You can’t! I’m in a play…there’s a modeling competition coming up…NO!"
Robert sat quietly, and rubbed his eyes. He’d pondered this decision for over a week, and had come to this conclusion with reason. He wasn’t about to back down. "I apologize, Chloe. I’m afraid you’ve got to spend more time on your studies, and not on the Internet. And these acting and
modeling classes are cutting into that time as well. You need to have a direction, a plan in this life. No further arguments. You can resume these classes once you have gained 10 pounds. Chloe, I am not doing this to punish you, I’m trying to protect you. I love you too much to let you
endanger yourself like this."
"I’m not sick!!" Chloe retorted, yelling as loud as she could. "You can’t do this!" She jumped out of the chair and, grabbing her book bag at her feet, stormed out of the office.
Once in her bedroom, Chloe flung herself onto her bed, crying. She was too upset to think, and quickly decided that the only way to calm herself down would be to listen to her baby singing to her. With precise haste, she jumped off her bed, and pushed play on her CD player, where her newly purchased Backstreet’s Back CD was ready to be used. Skipping through to As Long As You Love Me, Chloe curled up on the floor beside the speakers and closed her eyes, blocking out the reality of what had just happened. As the angels carried Nick’s voice into her mind, she felt herself beginning to relax, beginning to forget. She even smiled
faintly, imagining Nick being there right then, kissing her tears away.
She would talk to Nick later that night and tell him this, he would know what to do. He always knew what to do. She couldn’t have her acting or her modeling, but there was no way that she would lose her Nick.
