PART 35<bR><bR>

*The airport -- the next morning*<bR><bR>

Kevin pulled Rachel into a tight hug, "Baby, I'm so glad that you're here...it...everything fell apart yesterday..."  Rae pulled him over to a chair in the arrival lounge, "Is Nicky worse?"  Kevin closed his eyes and didn't respond.  "Kev??" Rae asked again, her voice growing more anxious as he didn't answer.  Kevin opened his eyes and she saw the fear reflected in them, "Since I talked to you last?  Yeah...Nick had surgery and..and, Rae, Ellie left."  Rae saw red, "What do you mean she left?  Tell me you didn't just say that!"  Kevin looked down, unable to respond.  "Why??  My god...what could she have been thinking?  Did they break up again?  How can she have left him while he's in the hospital?"  Kevin shook his head, "I don't think they broke up...but they were arguing and then Nick started bleeding again.  She left before he even went into surgery...she has some kind of important opportunity back home that Michael set up" he finished bitterly.  Rae held her head in her hands, "What can have been so important that she'd leave him.  Doesn't she realize how serious this could be?"  Kevin sighed, "It's some once in a lifetime concert..some birthday celebration for the Queen while she's touring Canada..."  "Once in a lifetime?  No, her relationship with Nick is what's once in a lifetime...doesn't she know how he's come to feel about her?"  Kevin half-smiled, "I think part of the problem is that she doesn't think of it as once in a lifetime for Nick....I think as much as Nicky may be having a hard time with this because of Laura, Ellie's having a hard time dealing with the fact that Nick loved someone before her enough to marry her..and she's not quite sure he'll ever love her that much...I don't think she's been able to let go of Laura's memory either...and so she keeps testing Nick's love for her..."  Rae looked at Kevin in surprise, "When did you figure all this out Mr. Richardson?"  Kevin smiled all the way this time, "You'd be surprised Almost Mrs. Richardson..."  Rae melted against him, "I really, really like the sound of that..." she said, before kissing him deeply, "But right now I want to see Nicky."<bR><bR>

*At the hospital*<bR><bR>

Kevin kissed the top of her head, "I hope you can get him to talk to you...the doctor is so worried about his stress level and none of us can get him to open up...we're all scared Rae."  Her eyes widened, "We are NOT going to lose him...he's not sick again...I know he isn't.  He can't be..."  She walked into Nick's room, her face paling at his appearance, "Nicky?" she whispered.  His eyes snapped open, "Rae?"  She walked over to the bed shocked by how he looked.  Rae tried desperately to cover up her shock, "Hey sweetie...how're you feeling?"  "My head hurts" he whispered.  "I'll get someone!" she responded, grateful for a chance to get out of his room before she broke down.  She practically ran from the room, stopping only to talk to a nurse, before she ran to Kevin, who was waiting in the lounge.  Kevin looked up in surprise as Rae ran in sobbing hysterically.  He pulled her down onto his lap and held her as she clung to him, his hand rubbing her back and the other pressing her against his chest.<bR><bR>

Kevin let Rae cry a little longer and then he began to try and calm her down, "Baby, it's gonna be ok, try to calm down.  Tell me what happened."  Rae pulled away and looked at him, her face tear stained, "Is...is this what he looked like...last time?"  Kevin nodded, "Just about...but Rae, he doesn't have cancer this time...it's not back."  "Are they sure?  Kevvy, he looks horrible."  "Are you going to go see him again now?"  Rae shook her head, "I can't....I can't see him like that..."  Kevin stood up suddenly, roughly pushing her away from him, "Yes you can...you have to.  Don't make the same mistake that I did..."<bR><bR>

Rae looked down, "I know...Bri told me."  "You don't know ANYTHING!" he said harshly, surprising her, "When I first heard Nicky had Leukemia I was so scared.  He's my baby brother Rae...yes we fought and argued but he was still my little bro...and I thought I was gonna lose him just like I lost my dad.  The thought of watching him get worse and worse, spending days and nights at the hospital again...I told myself I couldn't go through that again, even for Nick."  Kevin drew in a deep breath and continued, "It was bad enough watching Dad die...there was NO way I was going to watch Nicky die like that at 19."  "Kev, it's..." she tried to interrupt him but he put up his hands to stop her, "Do you know what happened because I did that?  Do you?  Nicky convinced himself that I thought he was going to die...that I'd already written him off..."  He looked at the expression on his fiancee's face, "It took a visit from Laura to set me straight.  I hurt him very badly back then.  I will NOT let you do the same.  I WON'T let you hurt him Rachel."  Rae sat silently staring at him, unable to find the words to respond to what he had just said.<bR><bR>

When she was finally able to find the words to say to him she stood and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head against his cheek, "I didn't know baby...I'm so sorry.  I wasn't thinking...I'll do whatever I have to do to help Nicky through this...and to help you...I know this has to be eating you up inside...but here you are, trying to be strong for everyone."  She felt a sudden dampness and realized that Kevin was crying, and she held him, rocking him gently as he sought comfort in her arms.<bR><bR>

PART 36<bR><bR>

*Ellie's apartment*<bR><bR>

Ellie looked tiredly around her apartment, her mind still on Nick.  "El??  Ellie??" Anna called again, "Where do you want this?" she asked, holding up Ellie's carry-on.  "What?  Oh just dump it on my bed" she responded distractedly.  Anna did as she asked and then walked back into the living room and watched Ellie move around, "If you're so worried about him why did you leave?  It's obvious you've thought of nothing else since you left London..."  Ellie spun around and looked at her sister, "What?"  "You heard me El...have you thought of anything or anyone besides Nick since you left him?"  "I didn't LEAVE him, why does everyone keep saying that?"  Anna made a face at her sister, "Ellie...you left while he was in the hospital...what do you think it looks like?  Honestly El, I don't know what kind of hold Michael has on you other than the fact that he was once your lover...I can't believe he told you that you had no choice but to be at the concert and you took him at his word.  If you really cared about Nick you'd be with him now and not here..."  Ellie turned to her sister, her eyes blazing, "This is none of your business Anna...you don't now anything about my relationship with Nick...or with Michael."  Anna sighed, "No, you're right, I don't...but I do know that when you were seeing Michael he tried to control everything about you...and I also know that you often cried yourself to sleep on the nights that you and Nick were apart..."  Ellie's eyes widened and then her shoulders sagged and she sank down on the couch, "Oh Annie...I don't know what I am doing anymore...I want so much to be with Nick..but I'm not sure he'll ever want me as much as I want him, as much as he wanted...and I don't know if I can get past that."  Anna stared at her sister, "Ellie, what the hell does Nick's first wife have to do with anything?  My god...are you telling me you're jealous of a dead woman?"  "Jealous?  She'd dead Annie...how can I be jealous of her?" Ellie asked before walking into her bedroom.  "I don't know Ellie...you tell me?" Anna muttered under her breath as her sister disappeared.<bR><bR>

*London--at the hospital*<bR><bR>

Nick woke up to find Rachel sound asleep in the chair next to his bed, "Rae?" he croaked.  She awoke instantly at the sound of her name, looking right into Nick's sleepy blue eyes, "Nicky...god...how're you feeling?"  "Okay...when did you get here?" Rae's eyes grew large, "In the morning...don't you remember?"  Nick shook his head, "No...did I see you?"  Rae smiled, glad that Nick couldn't remember her reaction to seeing him earlier, "I think you were still kind of out of it from the surgery..."  "Oh...yeah...no wonder I feel like I do...I forgot about that..."  He looked away for a minute as if preparing himself for the answer to his next question, "Did Ellie call?"  Rae bit her lip, no sweetie, I'm sorry..."  Nick closed his eyes and turned away, burying his face in his pillows, "Oh...okay."  "<<No, it's not okay,>> Rae thought to herself, <<It's not okay at all...>>  "Nicky, I'll be right back."  Rae walked out of his room and stopped in front of Brian, "Do you have Ellie's number?"  Brian nodded and fished around in his pocket for it, handing her a piece of paper.  "Thanks Bri, I'll be right back.  Can you go in and keep Nicky company?  He's awake..."  Brian got up and went into Nick's room and Rae sank down on the cushions of the couch before picking up her cell phone and dialing the number Brian had given her.<bR><bR>

*Ellie's apartment*<bR><bR>

She awoke with a start to the ringing of her phone and grabbed it, "Hello?"  "Ellie?"  "Rae?...Is that you?"  "Yes it's me..and tell me something Ellie, why is it that I'm here and you're not?  Why the fuck haven't you even called to see how he is?"  Ellie sucked in her breath in shock, "Rae, please don't...you wouldn't understand..."  "Damn right I don't understand.  Ellie tell me what's going on.  Don't you even care that Nick had surgery?  Don't you care how he is?"  Ellie was silent for a long time and when she finally spoke it was in a whisper, "Is he okay?"  Rachel sighed, puzzled by Ellie's reaction, "Ellie, Nick had to be rushed to surgery after you left...of course he's not okay.  What the hell's going on?  Why aren't you here with him?  He needs you."  "He has all of you there..." Ellie whispered in response.  "Ellie...you're making no sense...do you honestly think us being here makes up for you not being here?  Tell me what's going on, please..." Rae pleaded.  Ellie sighed, "I don't know, Rae.  I just don't know.  Part of me wanted Nicky to ask me to stay instead of coming home and going on tour.  I wanted that so badly...but he didn't...he told me I should do it."  "Ellie, do you think that Nick feels like he has a right to ask that of you?  After everything that you've been through together?  Ellie...don't you believe that Nicky loves you?"  "I don't know Rachel...does he need me?  Does he need me the way he needed Laura?"<bR><bR>

Rae's mouth dropped open, "Laura?  What does Laura have to do with this?  Why bring her up all of a sudden?"  "It's not all of a sudden, she's always been there between us."  "NO she hasn't!!  Okay at first yes, Nick was still not over her.  But it's a year later and he's told you he loves you.  What else do you need?"  "Rae...he married Laura...she was his wife...what am I to him?  I can't say that I'm his lover..we've only been together once.  So I'm his girlfriend?  I want him to need me the way he needed her.  To love me enough to want to marry me...to build a life with me.  I don't see that happening."  "So, you're keeping Michael around as a backup?  Is that it?"  Ellie sucked in her breath fiercely, "That's NOT fair, he's my manager."  "Yes, and you seem to want him to manage more than your career...you're letting him manage your life by forcing you to go home."  "Rachel, I had no choice!"  "Yes you did...you could have told him no...what's the worst thing that could have happened?  He might have dropped you as a client, then you'd find somebody new...Ask yourself why you never got any of Nick's messages.  Ask yourself why Michael followed you to London and ensured that you got home as soon as possible.  Ask yourself why you're there instead of here with Nick.  I have to go Ellie...please call him...he needs you...if you care for him at all, please let him know that you're there for him.  The next time he asks if you've called I don't want to tell him no again and then see that heartbroken look on his face.  Bye Ellie."  Ellie stared at the receiver in her hands and then picked up the sheet of paper she'd brought with her from London, carefully dialing the number to Nick's room.<bR><bR>
















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