PART 39<bR><bR>
Nick stared at her, unsure what to say, then he took a deep breath and began to speak, "We got married on the beach at twilight...it was always her favorite time of day.  We had candles..." his voice trailed off as he thought back, "God...it was such an incredible feeling...marrying the woman I loved with my friends and family all around us..."<bR><bR>

*Flashback--Nick's house*<bR><bR>

Nick grinned at Kevin, "I can't believe this is happening...I can't believe I'm actually getting married!"  Kevin laughed, "Yeah, me either!!!  You're the baby, you're not supposed to get married before me!"  Nick pouted, "I'm not a baby anymore Kev...I've grown up a lot..."  Kevin looked away, confusing Nick, "Kev?"  When Kevin turned back his green eyes were filled with tears, "I...I am so proud of you Nicky..."  "You're proud of me??  Why?  I don't understand..."  Kevin wiped at his eyes, "You're right, you're not a baby anymore, you haven't been for a long time.  I'm proud of the way you've grown up--the man that you've become.  The way you handled things when you got sick...and this...marrying Laura even though...even though...I'm proud to have you as my little brother..."  Nick just stood there, not knowing what to say.  When he finally opened his mouth to speak he choked up and the tears started to flow, "I just want to make her as happy as I can before...oh god..."  Kevin pulled Nick into a hug, "I'm so sorry Nicky...I'm so sorry..."  Nick pulled away and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself, "Shit...if mom sees me like this she's gonna freak...and so will Laur..."  Kevin laughed, "You're right...go splash some cold water on your face or something...it's almost time to head to the beach...we have to get there before the bride!!"<bR><bR>

A little later Nick stood, Laura's hand in his, before the minister from the church Nick's family had gone to for years.  Laura glowed in the candlelight, her happiness obvious to everyone there.  Looking at her Nick could almost forget how thin she was, and that their time together would be so short and he hoped that for this one brief moment, she could forget too.  When it came time for their vows Nick took a deep breath, hoping that his voice wouldn't betray him, "These words only capture a tiny part of  what I feel for you Laura:<bR><bR>

However far or near I am, My passion, Never changing, Will always burn for you, beloved eyes.<bR><bR>

The fire that burns me. Is so dear to my heart, That it can never be put out. And if fate gives me to you, O pretty eyes of my beloved, It will never desire. Any other light."<bR><bR>

Nick looked deeply into her eyes, which brimmed with tears, "In joy and sorrow, in sickness and in health, I give you my love...I give you my heart..."  Laura took a deep shaky breath, wondering if she'd be able to hold it together.  She looked at him, her eyes roaming his face as she wondered what she had done to deserve his love, "Nickolas...I wish I could tell you all of what I feel for you...but there would never be enough time...nor enough words written to express it." She smiled at him, "Everything I am...I am because of you...everything I see, I see through your eyes.  At twilight and at the break of dawn, in pleasure and in pain, I am yours and forsake all others.  I love you Nick."<bR><bR>

*The present*<bR><bR>

Nick looked away for a moment, blinking back the tears in his eyes, before turning to face Ellie again.  She was pale, tears streaming slowly down her cheeks, and Nick took her face in his hands, wiping her tear away with his thumbs, "I'm sorry baby...I shouldn't have told you..."  She shook her head, "I wanted to know...I wanted to know everything...I'm so sorry Nick...I'm so sorry you lost her..."  Nick pulled her into his embrace, burying his face in her hair, "Shhh...you don't have to say anything...it's okay..."  Ellie pulled away from him, "I want to take the pain away Nicky...I want to love you...I want to help you forget..."  Nick closed his eyes, "I don't want to forget..." he whispered, "I don't ever want to forget her..."<bR><bR>

PART 40<bR><bR>
Ellie flinched, "No Nicky...not Laura...I just want to help you forget the pain...I don't want you to forget her...I know you could never do that..." Nick closed his eyes, "Sometimes I still can't believe that I'm never going to see her again...never hold her again..."  Nick took a deep breath and looked at her, "I'm so sorry Ellie" he whispered, "I'm so sorry baby..." Ellie stood there, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, "It's my fault...I asked you...I don't know what I was thinking...I shouldn't have asked you...especially not today..."  Nick groaned and pulled Ellie closer to him, "Don't...just hold me...please..."  Sighing she wrapped her arms tightly around Nick, "Why is it we always manage to hurt each other?"  Nick didn't answer, but she felt his body tremble against hers, "Nicky?  Let's go back inside."  Nick nodded his head and let her lead him back into the house, his heart aching with loss.  Brian saw them come back inside and his face paled at the way Nick looked, "Ellie?  Nick?  What's wrong?"  Ellie shook her head, "Nick's not feeling well, I want to get him upstairs..." "No..." Nick mumbled, pulling away, "I'm okay...if I disappear Kev and Rae'll start to worry...I'll be okay...I just need to go wash my face..."<bR><bR>

Nick walked off, leaving Ellie and Brian looking at each other.  Brian spoke first, "What happened El?"  "What do you think Bri?  He's thinking about Laura...I made the stupid move of asking him to tell me about their wedding...I...I just wanted to know I guess...to share in the memories a little...How do I do this Brian?  How do I share him with her when she's dead and I'm standing here waiting for him?"  Brian shook his head, "Ellie...what do you expect?  It hasn't been that long.  You've got to stop doing this to yourself."  "Doing what Brian?  Wanting him to love me as much as he loved her?  I don't know how to stop that."  Brian sighed, "It's not a competition Ellie...you can't compare his feelings for you and his feelings for her.  AND you can't share his memories with him...you just can't..they belong to him...and to him alone.  It's not Laura who keeps coming between you two...it's you."  Ellie stared at him, "So all of our problems are my fault?"  "No!  Damn it Ellie, you know that's not what I meant.  It's just...it's just...god I don't know...I just know it nearly killed him the last time you left...I don't think he could take it if you left again, I really don't."<bR><bR>

Ellie's gaze softened, "You haven't forgiven me have you?  For leaving him when he was sick..."  Brian looked at her and then looked away, "Nick forgave you...why wouldn't I?"  "Don't lie to me Brian...I deserve better than that!"  He looked into her eyes, "Fine...yes, I'm still angry with you...is that what you wanted to hear?  You have no idea what he went through when she died.  You don't know how hard it was for him to go on without her.  You can't change any of that.  All you can do is be patient and cut him some slack for god's sake...you can't keep walking in and out of his life...leaving him when you let your worries about Laura take over, then coming back when you feel like it."  Ellie's eyes turned icy, "Brian...you abandoned him when Laura was dying...you have no idea what he went through either.  Don't you EVER tell me how to run my relationship with Nick!!"  Brian was about to respond when Nick reappeared, oblivious to the tension between them, "Hey...sorry I took so long...I got a little sidetracked..." he stopped and looked back and forth between them, "What? Is everything okay?"  Brian nodded, "Yeah Nicky...you gonna come back to the party?"  Brian turned and went back into the main room, followed closely by Ellie and Nick.<bR><bR>

*Nick's house--four months later*<bR><bR>

"How are you feeling sweetie?" Nick sat down on the bed next to Ellie and felt her forehead, "Are you sure you don't want me to take you to the doctor?"  "No, I'm fine...I'm just a little run down, that's all..." she groaned, "Besides, you're such a good nurse that I really don't need anyone else..."  Nick smiled, "Good, because you're stuck with me!"<bR><bR>

It was a few hours later that Ellie woke to a stabbing pain in the small of her back.  She cried out as another wave of pain hit her, instantly waking Nick, "Oh my god, baby what is it?  What's wrong?"  "God it hurts...Nicky make it stop," she moaned in response.  Nick's face paled and he scrambled out of bed, throwing on his jeans and a tee shirt.  He pulled the covers off Ellie and scooped her up in his arms, carrying her downstairs and out to the car.  He laid her down on the backseat and then climbed behind the steering wheel, driving to the hospital as fast as he could.<bR><bR>

At the emergency department they quickly took Ellie into the examining room, leaving Nick staring out the window at the early morning sky.  As the minutes ticked by Nick started to experience a rising sense of panic, his mind traveling back to the last time he'd been in the emergency department,  nearly two years before, watching Laura grow closer to slipping away from him forever.<bR><bR>

--Flashback--<bR><bR>

"Nicky?  Nicky I'm so cold...please...can you warm me up?"  Nick lay down in the bed with her, trying desperately to warm her shaking body, "Baby, let me go get the doctor...maybe he can help you feel better."  "No!!!  Nicky, please don't leave me...we have so little time..."  Nick felt the tears burning in the back of his eyes, "No baby, please don't say that...we have lots of time..."  Laura caressed his face, "I love you so much Nickolas...I'm sosorry that I'm going to leave you alone..."  "Shhh baby, no you'renot...you're always going to be with me right here..." he responded,placing his hand over his heart.<bR><bR>

--Back to the present--<bR><bR>

His memories were interrupted by the doctor, "Mr. Carter?"  Nick looked up,"How is she?"<bR><bR>







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