PART 41

The doctor smiled, "She'll be fine. She appears to have a kidney infection. That's what's been causing the fever and the pain. We need to keep her here for a couple of days so we can continue to give her antibiotics intravenously." Nick spoke as if in a daze, "She's gonna be ok?" The doctor nodded again, his brow creasing as he tried to understand Nick's reaction, "Would you like me to call someone for you? Someone to drive you home?" Slowly Nick shook his head, "No...I'll be okay...can I see her?" The doctor nodded his head, still puzzled by Nick's reaction to the good news.

*Ellie's room*

Nick caressed her cheek with his long fingers, watching her sleep, the painkillers having taken full effect, "When did you become my world baby girl?? I swore I'd never let anyone get this close to me again...yet here you are..." He took a deep breath and continued, "You're everything I've ever wanted....everything I need...I love you baby..." he whispered before he pressed his lips to her forehead and then left.

Nick's mind was filled with a riot of colors, sounds, and images as he drove home. He entered the silent house and walked out on the back deck, grabbing his sketchbook and pencils on the way. Nick spent the next few hours writing, trying to cope with the tide of emotions that washed over him. He finally fell asleep, hours later, still sitting in his chair, awakened hours later by the ringing of the telephone.

"Yeah?" he mumbled tiredly. "Morning to you too Nicky! I've got morning sickness, what's your excuse?" Rae's cheery voice came over the phone. Nick sighed, "Hi Rae, Ellie's in the hospital...it's been a bad night..." He heard the clatter of Rae dropping the phone and waited for her to come back on the line, "Sorry Nicky, I dropped the phone. Please tell me you didn't say she's in the hospital..." Nick sighed again, "I wish I could Rae..." "God Nicky, what happened? What's wrong with her? Is she all right?" Nick responded to her questions slowly, his voice devoid of emotion, "She has a kidney infection...nothing too serious. She has to stay there a couple of days..." "Oh god, do you want me to come over?" "No...there's no need for that." Rae sighed, "Nicky? Are you really okay? You sound funny..." "I'm fine Rae-Rae...I don't want you to drive all the way down here...she's fine...I'm fine. How're you feeling, besides the morning sickness?" he asked, abruptly changing the subject. Rae sighed, letting Nick know that she was aware of what he was doing, "I'm pretty good...although another 6 months carrying your godchild could be really, really hard..." Nick smiled, "Impatient much?" "You try not being able to keep anything down and throwing up every day for weeks on end and then we can talk..." "Actually I kinda know what that's like..." Rae sucked in her breath, "I'm sorry Nick...that was totally thoughtless of me...I didn't think..." "It's okay...you didn't know..." They talked for a little while longer before Nick told her he was going to take a shower and go see Ellie at the hospital.

*Kevin and Rachel's house -- 7 months later*

Rae heard Ellie gasp as she looked out into the yard and rushed over to where she was standing. Ellie was staring at Nick, who was sound asleep in the hammock, his goddaughter asleep on his chest. Ellie turned away from the sight, tears filling her eyes as Rachel looked at her in concern, "Ellie?? What's wrong? What's going on?" Ellie shook her head, "Nothing Rae..." "That's bull Ellie...tell me what's wrong!" Rae persisted. Ellie looked across the yard at her sleeping lover, "That...this..." she gestured at the house, "This is what's wrong..." Rae looked at her in confusion, "Ellie, you're not making a whole lot of sense..." Ellie turned and looked at her, "This...what you have with Kevin...this is what I want...the house..the white picket fence, a child with the man I love...all of this, it's what I want with Nick...and it's never going to happen..." Rachel put her arm around her friend, "Ellie, Nick loves you...you just have to give him some more time..." Ellie pulled away, "Time?? Rae, the last time Nick told me he loved me was months ago..." Rae's eyes widened in shock, "Are you serious?" she blurted out before she could stop herself.

Ellie's face crumpled and she began sobbing in earnest, "I keep telling myself that he shows me how he feels about me...but lately it's like he's been pulling away...Rae, I feel like I'm fighting a war I can't win...some days I tell myself I just want to be with him and I'll accept whatever terms he gives me...then I see him with Chloe and I want so much to be his wife and to hold his child in my arms...and to see him hold his son or daughter with the same tenderness he shows Chloe...I don't care about mycareer anymore...I just want Nick...and all of this...but something tells me I'm not going to get what I want."

Rae was about to respond when Kevin arrived home and walked out onto the porch, "Hey...two of my three favorite girls...speaking of which, where's Chloe?" Rae smiled at him and pointed to Nick, laughing as Kevin's eyes widened, "Damn...he's gonna make a great father some day...he loves her like she was his own..." Ellie turned and ran into the house with Rae following on her heels as Kevin stood alone on the deck and tried to figure out what had just happened.

PART 42

*New York -- Three months later*

"Nick wait!" Ellie demanded as he strode ahead, his long legs carrying him to their hotel room several steps in front of her. He stopped and turned around, "Jesus, could ya stop with the orders? What the hell is wrong with you? You've been acting like a bitch for weeks and I've just about had it!" Ellie stopped dead in her tracks, her mouth dropping open at his words, "Nick..." He turned away and kept going, leaving her standing there wondering why the hell she kept putting herself through this agony. It seemed like in the last three months everything had gone from bad to worse. She couldn't shake the image of him with Kevin and Rachel's child in his arms, and Nick, Ellie had no idea what was going on with Nick. All she knew was that they were drifting further and further apart, their lovemaking seeming to be the only connection that they could make, but the closeness never seemed to outlast the sex. She flinched as she heard Nick slam shut the door to their hotel room, and she knew she needed to get away from him for a while before things went too far. She turned and walked back down the hallway to the elevators, determined that this was one time she would not let Nick make her cry.

Nick lay on the bed in their suite, waiting for the sound of Ellie entering the room. As the minutes ticked by he realized that she wasn't coming and his anger turned into regret. He sat up and wrapped his arms around his knees, wondering where she was and how much further apart they could get. He was still thinking about Ellie when the alarm on his watch went off, signalling that he had about ten minutes before he needed to meet the guys downstairs to head out to the radio interview. He got up from the bed and walked out into the living room just as the door opened and Ellie walked in. They stared at each other for a moment and then Nick spoke, "I have to go...are you coming?" She shook her head, "I'll listen from here..." He nodded his head and then turned to leave before hesitating and then turning back to look at her, his hand on the doorknob, "El..." She looked over at him, hope in her eyes, but Nick couldn't say it, "Nothing...I'll see you later..." Ellie watched the door close, her heart sinking, "Bye Nick..."

She turned on the stereo in the room, hoping the music would help her forget her problems for a while, but Z100 was playing the BSB in preparation for the interview and all it did was make her cry. She lay down on the bed, lying in the indentation that Nick had left, her tears continuing to fall as she waited for the interview to begin. She listened to the Boys laugh and joke around with Cubby, loving the sound of Nick's voice even as it tore her apart to listen to him.

*At the studio*

"So," Cubby asked, "What's new with you guys in the LOVE department?" There was a murmured chorus of "Same old same old" followed by laughter and joking around. Then Cubby looked at Nick, "Hey Nick...so tell me what's up with you and that foxy Ellie Sandler?? You guys have been seen together quite a lot now...should we be expecting an announcement anytime soon?" Nick's eyes widened as the other guys got shocked expressions on their faces, "What?? No! We're just dating...nothing serious at all..." Kevin almost choked on the coffee he was drinking, his eyes locking with Brian's, neither of them able to believe what Nick had just said. AJ and Howie just stood there, their jaws hanging open, nobody knowing quite what to do. Cubby, being the consummate professional, quickly sensed the tension in the air and moved on to another topic but the damage had already been done.

*Nick and Ellie's suite--after the interview*

Nick walked into the bedroom and stood there watching Ellie toss clothing into her suitcase. "You're leaving..." he stated simply. Her head jerked up and she looked at him, "Smart boy...You're not even gonna try to stop me are you?" Nick sighed, "Is there anything I could do or say to stop you?" Ellie sank down onto the bed, "Why Nick? Why announce to the whole world that we're 'just dating'?? I thought we were a lot more to each other than that." "I don't want you to leave me," Nick said softly. Ellie laughed bitterly, "It's too late Nick...I'm sure you can find someone else to 'date' without too much trouble..." Moments later Ellie heard the door open and close behind him as Nick left.

Brian looked over and saw Nick coming down the hallway "Hey...where's El? Isn't she coming to get something to eat with us?" Nick looked at him, No...she's leaving." Brian looked at him in shock, "What??? What do you mean she's leaving??? Why aren't you trying to stop her??" Nick shrugged, "There's no point Bri...it's over." Brian kept staring at him, unable to believe that Nick was just going to let Ellie walk out of his life after everything they had gone through to be together. "I'm hungry," Nick said, You wanna go eat or what?" Brian nodded his head slowly and they went to join the others, Nick choosing to ignore the looks the other guys were giving him and each other.

By the time they got back from lunch Ellie was gone. Nick lay down on her side of the bed and closed his eyes, "I love you," he whispered.

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