The Whole Nine Yards
Official Warner Brothers Site

Starring: Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry, Natasha Henstridge, Michael Clarke Duncan, Amanda Peet, Rosanna Arquette, Kevin Pollack, Harland Williams
Category: Dark Comedy
Rating: R

Are men really still so innocent that they can be struck-dumb at the sight of naked breasts? According to this film, apparently so! And not once and not just briefly - but long enough to get shot dead. With the exception of a couple of rare moments of right-on timing - there are about two, The Whole Nine Yards was predictable and utterly un-charming.

Matthew Perry plays Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky, a Chicagoan dentist transplanted - of all places - to Montreal. I couldn't help wondering who else could have played this role. I wondered right up until Bruce Willis tosses him a beer in the last scene. Then it all became crystal. See, the problem is Perry's delivery. He's not into his character enough to pull off the idiocy. He should have taken lessons from co-Friend, Matt LeBlanc.

Bruce Willis plays shifty-eyed Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski. As a follow-up to his turn in The Sixth Sense, this was disappointing. Willis was back to his I'm-superior-to-you-but-I-can't-figure-out-why smirkiness. Tudeski is a hitman who's served his time and moved to Canada to get away from it all, and conveniently falls into the perfect set-up. Natasha Henstridge is Cynthia, his estranged wife. Michael Clarke Duncan (The Green Mile) plays Frankie Figs, a fellow hit-man.


Amanda Peet (The WB's "Jack & Jill") takes her turn as Jill. Unlike her TV character, Jack, her Jill finds no problem baring all for the cause. Now, don't get me wrong - nudity in film has its place, but the nudity in The Whole Nine Yards was just trite.

Rosanna Arquette plays Sophie, Quebecois wife to Perry's dentist. Arquette said in an interview that she was surrounded by voice coaches during filming and, "that's how they sound in Montreal - really!" I don't think so, Ms. Arquette. Kevin Pollack plays Yanni Gogolack, Willis' arch-enemy and ex-boss. Harland Williams plays Buffalo Steve, a Canadian cop whose portrayal should have earned the US at least one boycott from our neighbors to the North.


If you like contrivance and Stooge-like comedy, go see this one. I don't like being manipulated by a movie - unless it's Tarantino (that I can stand). I'd tell you more, but then I'd really ruin it for you. The Whole Nine Yards is rated R for language, violence, and nudity.

Thumbs down!