IF YOU GO INTO ANY OFFICE BUILDING, WHO IS THE COOLEST PERSON?

THE JANITOR.

from nylon magazine, by julie panebianco

Are they janitors? Are they scientists? Are they pharmacists? No, they’re beastie boys! Matching outfit fan Mike D explains why uniforms suit him just fine.

A couple of years ago, Beastie Boys Mike D, Adrock, and Yauch disguised themselves in orange jumpsuits and toured as Quasar, their punk rock alter ego. They marched onstage looking like three determined exterminators and not so quietly reinvented themselves as utilitarian fashionistas. The boys bagged their drabby pants and knit hats in favor of dressing like the proletariat and they haven’t looked back since.

“If you go into any office building, who is the coolest person?” asks Mike D. “The janitor. If you go into an office building, it’s either the janitor or the oldest person who works there that looks the coolest.”

Inspired, the Beastie Boys began taking on various professional personas. They donned science lab coats, pharmacist jackets, green work shirts and slacks, even navy blue vintage ski suits. “We wanted to wear matching outfits,” Mike D explains, “and uniforms are the easiest to get together.”

So it wasn’t just to titillate “I love a man in uniform” obsessions?”

“I know some people do have a fetish for people in uniforms, fantasies about it, but we weren’t trying to appeal to uniform fetishists,” he swears.

Jumpsuits are also economically enticing. “28 bucks,” says their friend and sometimes stylist Tara Charney. “Although the red jumpsuits they wore on the cover of Rolling Stone were freshly made for them-they were a smarter looking spin off of Devo.”

“Wearing one piece is really good for a couple of reasons,” informs Mike. “There aren’t a lot of pieces for someone to lose, like haberdashery. Plus, it’s loose to dance, use our karate moves, and yoga postures. Post show you unzip, and you are out.”

Do Beastie Boys put anything in the multiple pockets?

“Spiritually, they are wearing pocket protectors,” Tara quips.

The trio’s piece de resistance remains the severe white jumpsuits they wear while prancing through an airport in the video for “intergalactic”, complete with splashy yellow rubber boots and matching safety suspenders. Are they hazardous waste uniforms?

“No,” Mike responds, “Actually we really decided to wear uniforms all the time when we were driving around Tokyo and saw the street cleaners! They wear those white one piece jumpsuits with helmets and vests that light up! We were blown away by their style. We made the taxi driver take us immediately to a uniform store. We haven’t gotten to wear our one piece vests though,” he adds sadly. “You use two 9 volt batteries but you can’t really see them from too far away, and Paul, our lighting guy, didn’t want to use anything higher powered because he was afraid he was going to electrocute us.”

Do they argue about which uniform to wear each night?

“Oh it’s ridiculous! We start two hours before a show and someone is saying, ‘No! I want to wear the red one!’ usually the crew revolts and someone arbitrarily decides for us.”

Frankly, to an outsider, it seems motivated by what’s in the laundry.

“Oh that too,” he admits.

“You know, no one else has asked us why we’ve been wearing these outfits,” Mike D adds thoughtfully. “No one asks us about that…and no one asks us about sex.”

**I, sarah, would be more then happy to discuss sex with mike.**