ADROCK-you'll be very upset if you miss those house party gigs. MCA-yeah. where else can you pee in the ice cube tray?
MIKE D: Well, we're going to do that. We're going to go out and play. No, actually we were just talking about, Adam and I, a real special moment out there looking at the Boggle game and we were thinking how much fun it's going to be. AD-ROCK: Internationally, playing Boggle. MIKE D: Internationally, as this record is actually done, behind us, being finished, and then we will be just traveling the world the three of us playing Boggle. YAUCH: In other languages.
MCA-my parents still don't have cable. MIKE D-thats because they're old and cheap.
MCA-oh it was dope! it's like, a sheet, and then there were like, holes cut out for the eyes. ADROCK-i was harpo marx like, 5 years in a row. MIKE D-yo, when i was five, i dressed up like mc hammer and that was before anyone knew who he was.
YAUCH: The other day, Mike dive-tackled Adam across the room. MIKE D: It was a friendly dive-tackle. AD-ROCK: (To Yauch) To hold me back.
mike d starts complaining about the REM video for 'shiny happy people.' MCA-mike nearly got in a fist fight with the singer of REM. now mike's on a crazy mission to find him." ADROCK-georgia's too far, but i hear sting's in malibu! MIKE-sting looks like he's in shape. ADROCK-you sneak up behind him, crouch down and i'll push him over your back MIKE D-but sting's the type of guy who'll sue you.
A BRIEF CONVERSATION ABOUT DRESS CODES AND COFFEE
adrock "mike, could you go up and change? we're wearing the same shirt."
mike "yeah, i'll go change."
adrock "i'm not serious."
mike "no no i know how it is."
adrock "you know what i'm thinking?"
mike "starbucks?"
Yauch: Yeah, I have as a matter of fact. I'm glad you're all here right now so I can voice my left-outness. Mike D: Hey, let's all hold hands, this is how close we are...(Mike and Yauch hold hands. Adrock puts his feet on his chair.) Hey, Adam's a little less physical. That's OK.
'Get the fuckin' door, assholes,'' MCA ''Reach down and fondle my balls,'' Ad-Rock ''Shutup, shutup, shutup, can't you ever just shutup?'' mike d
Yauch: "The what? The Eggo Dome? The Agro Dome?" The Agridome, like for AgricultureMike D: "So, it’s like for cattle." Yauch: "Or it’s for getting angry." Mike D: "I think it was more of a horse barn."
"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I packed the bong, the Buzzbee, the beer, the cat handcuffs, the laughing box, the whippet dispenser, the whoopee cushion, the beer, the penis pump, the bullets, the Ms. Piggy double-dong, Extended Sexual Orgasm by close friend and comrade John Brauer, the beer, the fur coats, the saw, the blue bong, the rope, the chisel, umm…'' MIKE D ''What about the sledgehammer?'' MCA asked. ''Why of course,'' Mike D, ''the sledgehammer, the detonator, the pile driver, the thermos, the paddle game, the Village People tape, the beer, and the remote control.''
Mike D: We want to encourage people to dance, but discourage them from body surfing. And also as people will be kicked out , they’re going to be locked in a room together and forced to kick the sack, as in hacky-sack, for hours. Yauch: We’re probably just going to put up the signs, and security will help people to leave if they feel the need to. Mike D: I mean our idea is to make everybody on the floor in these places aware that that’s the way we feel about it, and the reasons why. Yauch: Because people can do it at home, in the privacy of their own home, and then you know, nobody else will get hurt. Do it on the bed by yourself. Mike D: And that would be an appropriate place. Yauch: They could bed surf. Mike D: Back when we were running Studio 54 together, (laughs) my grandma and I, it was a wild time. A lot of crazy things happened, and we were to jail for a number of years, you know, for a little case of taxes, but since then it’s really been on an up-swing I think. Yauch: My mom was out in the pit last night, actually, body surfin’. I was like, ‘Mom, you’re going to spoil it for everybody. You just kicked that guy in the head!’Mike D: I actually had to read Yauch’s mom the news.
"We chose Lisbon because we needed a long port," mike d. "And Lisbon was purported to us to be the longest port." "We came here for the port," offers Adrock. "And it's good for us because we needed to bring a lot of vessels into the port," finishes Mike D. "One to store the robot, another for access to the space station, and another for our clothes."
Mike D: Rider-wise, on Lollapalooza, we're going to be rocking a lot of fresh juice. Our man Hillary's coming out, we're buying the big commercial sized juicer, the thousand dollar joint. Yauch: So we don't have to stand around cutting up the little carrots and shit. You just stuff everything in there. Live coconuts, bam! Mike D: You'd be able to put like a whole big-ass ginger root right in there...scoom! Yauch: Flip! Mike D: Zing! Ad-Rock: Whizzo! Mike D: We're going to be taking the Juiceman out. The Juiceman's gonna be on our love, you know what I'm saying?
MCA: I've just been wearing the same bummy shit for years. I pride myself on my bumminess. ADROCK: I get all my clothes for free, from Mike's store, "Extra Large." My fashion is called "free fashion." Wear whatever you can get for free.
what they do with their time off... Yauch: (sensing Britishness) Mucking about. Mike D: Spending a penny. Yauch: A lot of different things. We spent some time organising the Tibetan Freedom Cocerts, working on the Grand Royal stuff, just hanging out... Adrock: We were on heroin for a while... Mike D: Cut our hair. Grew it again. Adrock: Rode bicycles around, skateboards, took massage therapy groups together.
"That was actually under Garth Brooks' advisement," he deadpans. "We had a top-secret meeting underneath the stage when he played in Central Park. So we had a meeting with him under the stage. Billy Joel, he was a little late and missed it. We compared notes and ..." MIKE ..Adrock interjects: "And we're hooking up beats for Garth Brooks."
"John Lydon was cool, man, although he was pretty fuckin' obnoxious. Everywhere we meet up, the guy always outdoes us," complains Mike D. "Yeah, in Washington DC we were throwin' the cold-cut platter around, and he did somethin' like piss on the wall. We got on good, he's a cool guy," confirms MCA. "Y'know, we just did 'American Bandstand' the other day," says Ad-Rock, gettin' serious, "Which is kinda like your 'Top Of The Pops', and we become the only band ever to get edited. Not even the Pistols got edited when they did it. It was because we all grabbed our newest band member Elouise, a topless dancer, and spun her around ... she dances in a birdcage, man!"
KURT LODER: I remember way back in the day, it must have been in 1986 or something, I saw you guys at a Columbia party of some sort and you were pouring beer over people's heads. Remember this period? MIKE D: Not really. KURT LODER: Women were dressed in jewels and fur coats and you were pouring beer over their heads. I will never forget this. Do you think things have changed since then? YAUCH: I don't remember those guys. MIKE D: We didn't take the camera. YAUCH: We didn't take the phones or the camera. MIKE D: I just want to say from that very time that you were speaking of, 1986 era when we were on Def Jam through Columbia or whatever at the time, apparently there happened to be an episode where maybe we were at the offices, at the Columbia Records offices and a phone and a camera seemed to disappear and we. AD-ROCK: Actually, the camera disappeared supposedly at Columbia but the American Bandstand telephones all disappeared. YAUCH: Did you ever give that stuff back? AD-ROCK: Still got it. Still got Dick Clark's phone.
"IT'S A MOUSE! A FUCKlNG MOUSE!" screams MIke D. He smashes the varmint flat against the carpet with a copy of the Beastie Boys' new LP 'Licensed To Ill'. He pounds the pipsqueak into puree with a baseball-booted foot. Both record and rodent shatter. Blood oozes. "Get the gun! GET THE FUCKING GUN!" screams bog-eyed Ad-Rock. MCA whips out an eight-inch, steel and plastic CANNON and points it at the ex-mouse. "Oh my God, that's a REAL GUN!" squeals Michele Kirsch, my Jane in the New York jungle. "Phut," roars the air pistol. "Phut Phut Phut Phut Phut." "It moved," screams Mike D. "IT FUCKING MOVED!" "Get the baseball bat," screams MCA. "GET THE FUCKING BAT!"
''Well I'm-a-runnin' down the road, tryin' to loosen my load, got seven women on my mind'' MCA ''Would you quit singing those damn Eagles songs and keep your eyes on the road,'' ADROCK ''But Ad-Rock, I'm Born to Be Wild. As a matter of fact, I'm Running on Empty, runnin' on . . .Cause tramps like us, baby ... we're. . . On the Road Again ... American Woman, get away from me-'' MCA..But MCA's happy tune was stopped short, as Ad-Rock wrapped his fists around MCA's collar. ''Wait a second,'' Ad-Rock screamed, sensing the injustice, ''What the hell does the Guess Who have to do with driving?''