I should be working. I can’t focus on work though. I want to go home so badly. Usually I like being at work (sick I know), so this is weird. My head hurts and it’s cold outside. But enough bitching. Last night I finished reading Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging. It is meant to be a teen book, I think, but I found it to be quite entertaining. British people are so funny. Their language is so much like ours, but yet so much more colorful. I have such grandiose daydreams of being cultured and well traveled. If I can’t go there I might as well read about far away places.

Eric went to Winghouse with Mark after dinner, so I started another new book, Rose and Beast: Fairy Tales Retold, by Francesca Lia Block. I finished that one as well, and started on I Was A Teenage Fairy also by Francesca Lia Block. She is a genius. Her modern day fairy tales are beautiful and deep. Her writing style is fresh and unique. I have also read all of her Weetzie Bat Stories. I got half way through I Was A Teenage Fairy and drifted off to dreams of a lush, enchanted fairyland.

My moods have become erratic again. My emotions are kind of going haywire. But they are just getting started. Like I am on the verge of something yet not. Sometimes I feel like my days are empty, meaningless, one day runs into the next. Other times I’m just pissed off and I don’t know why. Earlier today I felt like I was in a snowglobe. And I was dancing with the wind gently blowing through my hair and my arms raised. Instead of snow falling however, there were flower petals and the air was sweet. And everything was soft and sunny. I don’t know where those feelings came from. See what I mean about my moods? How can I feel like that only a few hours ago and now feel bored, restless, hollow, blank, not to mention…the work I got done so far today is minimal. ARG! And I can’t focus on the same thoughts for very long.

Last night for dinner Eric and I tried this new rice dish. It was chili-flavored rice and lentils that cooked for fifty minutes. Then you eat it with cheese and red onion on a tortilla. It was in the vegetarian/organic section at Kash n Karry. It’s um, interesting, but I liked it better with lettuce and salsa. I’m not a big lentils and beans fan. But, it was cool to try something different. And I’m quite surprised that the ghetto ass Kash n Karry by our house has health food.

This food talk is making me hungry. I want some Thai food. Pan Ang curry sounds so good. And Thai salad with peanut dressing. Stop it Jenn! You are going to drive yourself crazy! I need to lose some wait. Really. I have let myself go this last year. No joke. I have gained about 32 pounds since Eric and I started dating. Maybe it’s not his fault. But we eat a lot of yucky foods when we get in the go-go-go mode. Taco Bell is Bad! Bad! I tell you. Subway is somewhat better, but I get so sick of eating subs for lunch and dinner.

I really must do something about my hair while we are on the subject of all that is wrong with me. Marlena has dyed it red twice in the last month and it keeps fading. I’m thinking fuck it; I’m just going to dye it green or something. I want my hair to grow out, but I don’t want it to look hideous in the process. Everyone said that I should keep it blonde. But my hair couldn’t take it much more. Plus, I couldn’t afford to go anywhere to have it done blonde – too much money. And Marlena can’t seem to JUST bleach my roots. ARG! I wanted hair extensions and micro braids but the cheapest I could find is $300. Myra said she would braid my hair once I got the extensions but even that is still expensive. Have to think practical now.

And no thoughts of being frivolous with money are pushed to the back of my head. Rent is due. And add to it Eric’s engine going haywire. And I need to go to the dentist and ob-gyn and my cat needs to go to the vet. ARG!

What the hell is up with my cat anyway? She is licking herself bald. She isn’t doing it as bad as she was but come on! She has a bald belly, and she’s licked all the fur off of the back of her legs and tail. Luna is a freak!

Speaking of cats, I have two I need to get rid of. I wish that I could keep them, but circumstances doesn’t allow for it anymore. Luna is my baby and I will always keep her. She has been so sweet lately. Anywhere I go, she wants to sit on me or lay next to me. And the other day she put her paws on my shoulders and was nuzzling my nose and cheek.

But anyway. Holly and Cheetohs have to go. Having four cats in the house is driving Marlena crazy. Cheetohs is just a silly little kit. She is incredibly cute, but not the brightest. Holly on the other hand has gotten a bit loony. I don’t think that she is happy. She has been moved way too much. I am trying to find Kane to see if he wants Holly back. I love Holly that is why I want to give her back to Kane rather than a stranger. She would be happier that way.

It was weird I thought (and still think) that he is working at Hot Topics. I went to get Eric’s pants, saw him (or someone who looks a lot like him) and flipped out. I don’t know why. My restraining order is expired now. I just discovered that the other day. If it was him at Hot Topics it looks as though he has cleaned up his act. But we sent Mark to ask the guy if he wants Holly back and the guy told Mark he had the wrong guy. Weird. I will just have to keep hoping Marlena will bump into him again at the coffee shop.

I think that Brook has finally lost it. She has been in a bitchy mood most of the week. And now she is hopping and dancing around her office and she is in a good old mood inspite of having a hangover. But I can’t complain because it’s better than the bad mood.

I wonder if I can convince Marlena to meet me tonight. I want my mail. Supposabley I have some packages and I want them!

I think I am going to go…it’s five and I need to get some work done before Eric get’s here.