15 September 1999

Adam. This song reminds me of Adam. Adam Sciacca. Torn. He left me torn. Natalie Imbruglia. I wonder what he's doing now. I wonder if even now he is messing with my head. Did he really get thrown out? Is he really gone? Or is still at home working on his next victim? It wasn't even so bad being friends. I learned from him. I don't hate him, but I certainly pity him.

The Wizard of Oz on Ice. What a warped idea. Kind of nauseating. I wish we had done the Broadway version at Suncoast Theatre. Heck, I wish we had actually done a play while there.

I don't really know what to free write. I wish they's play Depeche Mode or the Cure.

Our radio stations all "suck" for lack of a better word. We need a techno station, new wave, trippy music (like Pink Floyd and Tori Amos), Goth...instead we have a lame excuse for a rock station, a bunch of oldies & mix stations, one boy band & Britany Spears station, and one rap station. Not that any of those music types (with the exception of the Britany Spears & boy band station) are bad,,,just boring.

I wish I wasn't afraid to sing. It might be kind of fun to be in a band. Er, Rod Stewart, My hands are starting to get tired. I'm still not done writing to Stevem I just got tired of that for tonight. He actually has several boxes full of my letters. He says that one day he'll send 'em back to me so I can write a book. My life isn't that interesting. Why would anyone want to read it? I only write so much to Steve because it's like therapy and sometimes it's good because he is so far from the situation. He might come down Christmas break. I'll believe that when I see it. It's been about six years since we have been face to face.

Last month we spent two hours on the phone, but it's not the same. But I think it might be weird since it's been so long and since he knows so much about me.

I'm really, really tired, but I'm not sure I can sleep. This journal is going to be full of pointless entries, but my Honors Comp 1 professor, Ms. LaPointe said that free writing would be good for me.

I miss school. I'm afraid that I won't be able to go back in January. I hope I can save that kind of money, and be able to make enough money to pay my bills while going to school. I think I should get a second job, but mother advises against it. She says I'm sickly anyway and it will wear me down. I need to make money somehow and I'm just not making it now. Even more I need to get away from her and her OPINIONS.

Well, Pat is coming back. He's probably going to say lights out, although I don't see why that's any of his business. I was right, so good night.