To Live Again

The sadness washed over me early today

Once my sleepy eyes could perceive the light of day.

That's when it comes - when I'm all alert and can feel,

And making me wish it weren't quite so real.

One big swallow of reality, and off I go

Into my chamber of dark memories,

of yesterday, of yester-year,

The wise ones say we cannot dwell there -

in what has been and could have been,

So I'm not wise, I struggle with  sadness and despair, as if

those are my companions for life; As if there will always be strife.

Images, dark and mysterious, lurk in my mind,

Some dreams assault me as I sleep,

Others are daydreams, of things I am yet to meet.

The pain of memories of times past,

Makes my heart grow still, causes me to gasp -

They have no place here - for they are days gone at last,

and bringing them forth will not change my past.

So I must rise up and reach for the elusive stars;

Time is passin' and I long to be a part of all that

Goodness and Grace,  That which I have experienced,

and know is somehow, in some way, calling out for me

to touch it once more -  Bent and full of tears, I am

no use to anyone, as I give in once more to my fears.

But when I am poised and seeking to go higher,

That's when laughter flows and joy abounds,

It's the celebration of all that Life has to offer;

I cling to this new resolution,

that each day will be full of happy thoughts, of living in the present.

"Away with thee, ole' maudlin

thoughts, I'll pull you out when I am strong once more"

Such a luxury it will be, just for awhile, to say "pity me",

and then, I'll be done, and wait again to see the sun.

It's just a game, you know,

and how we love it so- gaining and losing our

comfort's end - and then to start all over again!

B.J. McCall

1/21/90

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