MY
STORY
Because my thinking wasn't normal, I hardly gave his marriage proposal a thought, when he asked; all I knew is that we'd be on the golf circuit, and I was graduating high school, and I wanted to get out of the small city in Ga. I lived in.
That was to be a decision that completely altered my life; he turned Pro, and we traveled from tournament to tournament. It was rough going. I had to check in with a Dr., because all the traveling was making me sick at my stomach; it seems it wasn't the travel; we were expecting a baby! Hubby was not thrilled. and neither was I; I had planned to leave him by then, because he had beaten me up a couple of times. We were obviously stuck together at least until the baby was born. I had stop drinking while pregnant, due to complications, ending in major surgery, while on tour.
I almost lost my life and my baby, but somehow I recovered and spent the rest of the time with my mom in Ga. Once my son was born, I went back on tour in the Caribbean. I was drinking again and when he started being physically and verbally abusive again, I knew our marriage could not survive. I loved being with the celebrities, all the "greats" of the golf world, like Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus, but, I didn't intend to be knocked around any further. I suspected his kicking me in the stomach, is what caused me to have the complications, as it was. So, I quickly filed for divorce and moved to Jacksonville, Fla., drinking and partying and living on my alimony.
One night, shortly after the divorce was final, I met and married husband #2; I was out to prove something. He was a star player for the Green Bay Packers. I believed I could show everyone, that this time I could handle it!
I couldn't - no matter how much we traveled, to the games, to the West Coast, etc., it couldn't hide the fact that it had been a quicky love affair, and it ended in a short marriage; I loved knowing the players and wives in Green Bay, and even gruff Coach Lombardi, but none of it was enough to stay in this, a relationship where I was being ignored!
Today I can laugh at this; then, I was a tormented alcoholic, feeling very overwhelmed with the public life I had once more chosen.
I returned to Jacksonville, but alcoholism is progressive; I was sicker than ever, and the depression was overwhelming - after attempting suicide, I had to re-locate to Miami, to keep my son from being claimed by his father. That was his price, that I come to Miami and seek treatment. He had various interests in Miami, and I didn't want to lose my son.......but once the depression set in again, I did lose him, because this time, I slashed a main artery, and wasn't expected to live. I had made it easy for him to gain custody of our little boy; that act brought me to the bottom I had to reach.
I began drinking alone for the first time. Having failed at two suicide attempts, I used alcohol, thinking if I drank enough, it would stop the pain. It did not.
Finally, I surrendered for the first time, and said a prayer: "God, you must help me, I cannot go on". That very afternoon a young man came to my door and took me to my first AA meeting....it was someone my mom had met, and he merely came to pick me up to go see her because I had stopped driving - you see,I guess I knew I was a drunk, but guess I wasn't stupid!
That night, he took me to an AA meeting, where everyone was sober, they had to be, because they were eating all these sweet pastries and drinking coffee! And, they had clear eyes! All I asked for is that I may stay around long enough for my eyes to be that clear again!
By the time I really got sober, I was pregnant again. It was ok. I was just so happy to be alive and free of the disease of alcoholism, I felt I could climb the highest mountain!
That marriage proved too much for me also, especially when my new husband fell off the wagon. He was physically abusive, which caused me to run once more; the difference was, this time I was running to save my sobriety and the baby!
We didn't have a lot at first. I didn't need alot. I had my beautiful daughter and my sobriety. This is how I began recovery, and at once, I implemented the Steps into my daily living. My sponsor told me the Steps held the key to the riddle of life. That was something I'd wanted the answer to for a long time.
I was still in my 20's and sure, I was kidded alot about my youth and my mini-skirts, but I kept on going to meetings. I had somewhere to go, at last! And, it wasn't on any tour, or on any holiday to the Caribbean! That life I gladly left behind, now. My calling was higher, now I could help those who were still in that pitiful place I was in...the denial that I was, indeed, an alcoholic.
Today I am a happy, grateful alcoholic, sober through the grace of God.
Walk with me as I share my experience, strength and hope, through the Steps of AA. I hope to meet some of you, as we trudge the road of Happy Destiny....
